tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post50946873249058477..comments2024-03-05T19:50:31.497-08:00Comments on World O' Crap: Have a Paranormal New Year!Scotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02798340582589737829noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-31046877679269695982012-01-14T23:35:42.169-08:002012-01-14T23:35:42.169-08:00Hey, I never knew that you had a twin!
And imd...<b>Hey, I never knew that you had a twin!</b><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />And imdb has barely scratched the SURFACE of what "crap" IS, son, trust me... <i>...heh heh heh...</i><br /><br /><br /><br />OT, but BTW: <i><b>"Comment moderation has been enabled. All comments must be approved by the blog author."</b></i><br /><br />WHAT.<br /><br />THE.<br /><br />FUCK.<br /><br />?!?!?!?<br /><br />Have the censorlicious sociopaths @ blogger/google/big brother found me here and are now censoring me on OTHER PEOPLE'S BLOGS?!?!! Filthy rat-bastids. <br />Too bad that I don't know how to hack, or I'd have their paychecks directly-deposited into my checking account.Anntichrist S. Coulterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06415084181464098543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-547576400713406422012-01-12T07:21:13.390-08:002012-01-12T07:21:13.390-08:00Annti, I'll take up the challenge. I first hav...Annti, I'll take up the challenge. I first have to pay my library overdues but can do a special order. Never seen it. Judging by the plot synopsis on imdb, it looks like CRAP!Keithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-15805239361026233782012-01-12T07:20:47.877-08:002012-01-12T07:20:47.877-08:00Annti, I'll take up the challenge. I first hav...Annti, I'll take up the challenge. I first have to pay my library overdues but can do a special order. Never seen it. Judging by the plot synopsis on imdb, it looks like CRAP!Keithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-85346082158442669132012-01-08T09:06:53.769-08:002012-01-08T09:06:53.769-08:00Um.
Y'know, Keith, I had a kinda-creepy/irrit...Um.<br /><br />Y'know, Keith, I had a kinda-creepy/irritatingly-funny anecdote about a horrid movie I somehow did not escape from last night and there being an attention(and FOOD!)-starved black cat named "Midnight," but the whole feline fellatio thing kinda threw my whole hippocampus off-track.<br /><br />Actually, now that I think about it <i>(and thanks to you, can't get the cat-tongue thing out of my head, you sick, sadistic fucker, THAT'S why you posted it, isn't it?!?!)</i>... maybe it WASN'T <i><b>that</b></i>, um, er... "funny."<br /><br />Though Sharon Stone was still in her early '30s in this one <i>("playing" all of TWENTY-SIX, right, AND a "virgin"! Well, THAT'S funny, anyway...)</i> and looks pretty damned hot through the first 3/4ths of the flick. HORRID screenplay, plot, progression, so-called "character" development, <b>everything BUT the set-dressing, which was FABULOUS.</b> That there was the product of some divinely-demented designers who get very horny whilst watching John Waters flicks. I was severely jealous of about 2/3 of the 1986-ish pseudo-retro-nouveau-slash-deco style & objet d'art in this piece of flaming psycho-shit, if only the PEOPLE hadn't been there to fuck it all up. The cat was adorable, though.<br /><br />As punishment for sharing the feline fellatio story <i>(you DO realize that SOME stories are for PRIVATE conversations, IF AT <b>ALL?!??!</b> My gut-rending rants onstage and online are different --- they ATTEMPT to serve a PURPOSE, and they don't involve involuntary BESTIALITY!!!)</i>, you must now endure the hypnotic torture of <i><b>"Scissors."</b></i> <br /><br /><b>And</b> I expect a 230-word essay on the existential BRAIN-SPLATTER that these self-indulgent yuppie morons called a fucking "PLOT." Absofuckinglutely FUCKTARDED.<br /><br />But yeah, you gotta watch it now. And nope, no comments about Sharon's then-bee-stung lips, either. You can only concentrate on the horrid excuse for "writing" and are allowed to be minimally distracted by the fabulous set design, props and pseudo-antique mechanized toys/dioramas designed to drive Sharon Stone even crazier than was previously perceived.<br /><br />And yes, dear heart, you are now on the Official Shit List, just for that one, apparently (to YOU!) "innocent" or innocently-"intended" anecdote. Have I ever told you how gross it was that Biddy & Boy used to clean each other's assholes on frequent occasions, and whenever possible, WHILE I WAS TRYING TO <i><b>EAT?!?!?</b></i><br /><br />Yeah, think on THAT a little while. What's really depressing is how gross a just-past-middle-aged cat can become when her sibling/near-twin/co-conspirator is gone... *sigh* The things that I find on my floor nowadays... I can never look at Hershey's kisses the same way again...Anntichrist S. Coulterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06415084181464098543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-69901392869999366892012-01-07T09:15:41.756-08:002012-01-07T09:15:41.756-08:00Annti, my most "sensitive" encounter wit...Annti, my most "sensitive" encounter with Midnight was a summer afternoon in 2009. I took a nap in boxer shorts. It wasn't a long nap, since Midnight invaded the sheets and tried to perform fellatio on me. She was about 7 mo. then, and her tongue is like sandpaper. Felt like an electric shock. She hasn't attempted this in several years because she has discovered that biting my ankles at 5:30 am is more annoying. But she has calmed down considerably. I have a new roommate now and so she bites his ankles instead. Hooray!Keithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-34258798098687837862012-01-07T09:03:30.786-08:002012-01-07T09:03:30.786-08:00Heh. The flying Midnight reminds me of those need...Heh. The flying Midnight reminds me of those needle-sharp baby claws & baby teeth of kittens, especially my two, when they were still very hissy/pissy/spitty/cussy black balls of hyperactive fluff. Took them the LONGEST time to either *understand* or to *GIVE UP* their bad habit of not only climbing up the sheets/bedclothes to pounce on any body part that was easily-accessible with talons fully-extended. Then there were the chewy weeks/months, when those viciously sharp milk teeth were falling out and they hadda gnaw like a puppy on ritalin to ease their new-teefuses aggravations.<br /><br />And yes, they invariably did it when I was deeply asleep, not an easy thing to get to when you work nights and nobody in your "neighborhood" UNDERSTANDS THAT CONCEPT or has any fucking respect for the 48% of this country who DO work nights. So when you have 2 feral kittens ganging-up on you, it can make ya a little testy.<br /><br />I will spare you the gross details of their idea of "payback" when I punished them by closing my bedroom door when I slept, but suffice it to say that I never again dove straight into my black-sheeted bed in the relative darkness of my bedroom without first turning on the light and CHECKING the bed FIRST. Cats are evil. I love them dearly and would adopt them all if I could, but dammit, they're like horses in that they are too smart for their own good and you occasionally wish that you could clock 'em really good, right in the kisser. Ya can't, obviously <i>(and they'd slit your throat in your sleep and lap-up yer blood with smiles on their faces)</i>, and to contemplate facing a fairly-sized version of the offending felines is a helluva lot scarier than a pissed-off Appaloosa mare with PMS.<br /><br />Also, I feel y'all's aggravation in re: catching her in those adorable poses... rarely, if ever, did I manage to capture Bubbe Boy, the most lackadaisical cat to ever grace this planet, with the camera, before he'd stopped doing whatever was so cute. Biddy is even worse --- she invariably closes her eyes with a "fuck <i><b>you!</b></i>" sneer whenever she sees me pick up a camera. 90% of the pictures that I have of them together, they're staring at me with matching, <i>"Why in the fuck can't she get a HOBBY OR SOMETHING?!?!!"</i> adorable looks of utter disdain. They said that they loved me, but I think that affection with them had a lot more to do with treats and food than anything else.Anntichrist S. Coulterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06415084181464098543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-90140972700821799472012-01-06T12:01:27.808-08:002012-01-06T12:01:27.808-08:00Dear Anntichrist, I would love to post more pictur...Dear Anntichrist, I would love to post more pictures of Midnight, but she is still not used to the camera as of yet, and she's tired of me chasing her around to get that "cute" cat-calendar shot. But I understand your connection, because these black cats do seem to have the same features. Far from being a sign of "bad luck" she is a constant blessing in our household and eventually, we hope, be ready for her "close-up." <br /><br />Midnight was found in a flower-pot in Brooklyn about three years ago and weighed all of 1/2 pound. She was in bad shape. My friend's son (aged 10 at the time) pleaded with Mom and Dad to rescue her. But she wasn't wanted by the other animals in the house. My previous cat had perished after about 22 years and wasn't sure if I ought to buy a rabbit or some tropical fish instead. But they brought Midnight over and she was a hit. In fact, she flew through the air because of her low weight and often times landed on my head while sleeping. She's gained a bit, not fat, but she's grown much lengthwise so can no longer fly. This is a very desirable outcome.Keithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-5697076990285319282012-01-05T23:04:28.580-08:002012-01-05T23:04:28.580-08:00spawn *OF* Her Royal Mistress Biddy, dammit!!!!!!
...spawn <b><i>*OF*</i></b> Her Royal Mistress Biddy, dammit!!!!!!<br /><br />Ugh.<br /><br /><br />See why I disappear sometimes?<br /><br />Too many little black unexplained dots in my brain MRI, that's why. I.E., permanently-ensconced brain farts.Anntichrist S. Coulterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06415084181464098543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-51238783459637115082012-01-05T23:02:17.299-08:002012-01-05T23:02:17.299-08:00Keith: Have I mentioned that Midnight could easil...Keith: Have I mentioned that Midnight could easily be the younger sister <i>(brother?)</i> if not outright spawn <i>(had The Empress not been spayed very young, but not NEARLY young enough to keep her from being a loud, bossy, naggy yenta on wheels!)</i> or Her Royal Mistress, Biddy?<br /><br />Seriously. Same tiny/diffuse white patch on the chest, exact same velvety little ears, same suspicious but gorgeous amber eyes, AND the little teeny white non-"soul"-patch of white o the very upper tip of the chin! Can't see the paws, but I'd wager that they're the same exact dainty little paws that love to puncture my bladder when I am utterly comatose and then rendered absolutely unable to ever go back to sleep after the bolt to the bathroom.<br /><br />Well, she HAS her own stepladder on the other side of the bed, for entrance and egress from the high-up antique tester/four-poster bed, to spare not only the weathered mahogany but also to spare my flesh and bedclothes from climbing talons. So it's not like The Empress HAS to vacate the bed at the expense of MY bladder & sleep, dammit.<br /><br />I know, totally ignoring your fascinating flick warning, BUT, the kitteh resemblance is startling. What's even weirder is, before I *had* my dearly-missed, heart-achingly-needed Bubbe Boy, I'd NEVER seen a giant long-haired part-Maine-Coon with the mane of an Ethiopian Lion solid-black cat like him before, and was certain that not another one existed on earth, as he and she, being siblings, are SO very different in build and appearance, except for their nearly-identical faces, that you'd never believe that they came from the same litter. And yes, I know, oh how well I know, that a mama cat can have 7 or 8 different daddies in one litter, hence wildly-differently-appearing bebes in one litter. But Biddy's skin/sebum-gland issues confirm her Maine-coon connection, though her Bubbe Boy brother had the body, two coats of hair AND the waterproofing of an MC. You know, long, sleek, gorgeous waterproof outer coat, thicker-than-sheep's-wool wooly undercoat to keep him snuggly warm, even when he was trapped and MIA up a tree for THREE DAYS one horrid winter when I was starting to believe that he was gone forever. Long story, but at least I got a few more wonderful years with him, even though it was 10 years less than he SHOULD have had, if he'd had DECENT MEDICAL CARE.<br /><br />Sorry, didn't mean to go all bummer-depressing about teh kittehs, but every time that I see your purdy Midnight, the nearly-identical-to-Biddy thing messes with my already-clusterfucked head. Consider it a high compliment for Midnight. Her Majestic Empressy Biddy self is yeowling at me, right this moment, for being on the damned computer TOO LONG in her opinion. <b>And now cometh <i>the treeing-me-like-a-hound-dog-after-a-possum STARE O'DEATH,</i> i.e., GIVE ME WHAT I WANT OR I WILL MAKE YER FUCKIN' HEAD EXPLODE"</b> stare. Wheeeee. Cats, lovely and beloved though they are, are fucking EVIL.Anntichrist S. Coulterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06415084181464098543noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-65780382439590690922012-01-04T09:49:32.245-08:002012-01-04T09:49:32.245-08:00Dear readers, I wasn't expecting anyone to com...Dear readers, I wasn't expecting anyone to comment on this piece because of the holiday. So thank you for taking precious time off from holiday obligations to read it. <br /><br />It's not the best work. It's not even a review, more of a rewrite and the chronology of events has not been properly observed.<br /><br />Checked this turkey out from the New York Public Library a few months ago and returned same day. Kept looking for an angle to send it up, then after xmas day spoke to my brother and heard his sad tale of all his kitchen appliances simultaneously failing ... it was an unusual expense.<br /><br />When I learn to juggle more than two extended metaphors I'll attempt to do a better job at this. But thanks again. <br /><br />KKeithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-21812560606144626702011-12-31T20:37:53.957-08:002011-12-31T20:37:53.957-08:00Well, Scott, that was weird. It had a palpable Bec...Well, Scott, that was weird. It had a palpable Beckettishness. I visualize it being filmed on a stripped-down but loving reconstruction of the set of "The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari". With background music by the late Guy Lombardo.<br /><br />Happy 2012 everybody!Li'l Innocenthttp://ladysmantle.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-69095542895211480892011-12-31T19:06:10.537-08:002011-12-31T19:06:10.537-08:00self animating I can do without. self-cleaning? th...self animating I can do without. self-cleaning? that's another matter entirely ;}preznithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02112468490241139292noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-5592922933414628372011-12-31T06:33:26.513-08:002011-12-31T06:33:26.513-08:00See you next year, kids! Maybe we'll figure t...See you next year, kids! Maybe we'll figure this shit out then!heydavehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15509102502417886790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-70560619838334609022011-12-31T06:00:06.027-08:002011-12-31T06:00:06.027-08:00"Luck is basically our modern world's mag...<i>"Luck is basically our modern world's magic," said David Zinczenko, editor in chief of the magazine. "People need to believe in luck because it allows them to give a name to the randomness of life, and when you name something, you have more power over it."</i><br /><br />People try that with their pets all the time.<br />~ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©https://www.blogger.com/profile/06252371815131259831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-25499725159621734812011-12-31T03:39:32.319-08:002011-12-31T03:39:32.319-08:00Sweet. I thought Dr. Maytag was going to arrive an...Sweet. I thought Dr. Maytag was going to arrive and initiate a threesome, but you took it in a totally different direction! And what homeowner hasn't said "I don’t like self-animating kitchenware"? We can all relate!<br /><br />Happy 2012 Scott and everyone else in the whole wide world!Staciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05250238254417726987noreply@blogger.com