tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post6665616733819281046..comments2024-03-05T19:50:31.497-08:00Comments on World O' Crap: Dear WallyScotthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02798340582589737829noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-84287405186460474742013-11-15T16:54:45.100-08:002013-11-15T16:54:45.100-08:00In watching "Leave it to Beaver" (leave ...<i>In watching "Leave it to Beaver" (leave what to Beaver?), I was always a little amused at just how terrified the Cleaver boys were of their father.</i> <br />Well per the MS3TK commentary of the Mole People,<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcU5ufTlUns&feature=player_detailpage#t=378" rel="nofollow">Ward got back</a>acrannyminthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08136830633150916463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-37460849081796957962013-11-15T02:32:39.664-08:002013-11-15T02:32:39.664-08:00*snapping fingrs*
Planting him! That's brill...*snapping fingrs* <br /><br />Planting him! That's brilliant!<br /><br />But I'm worried. He's tall. He might climb out. Perhaps a deeper hole, say, six feet? One he can lie down in if he feels dizzy?Carlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03664920037425489644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-27734692668345013692013-11-14T15:46:28.789-08:002013-11-14T15:46:28.789-08:00How should I handle the drunk uncle, or drunkle, t...<i>How should I handle the drunk uncle, or drunkle, that will be showing up uninvited for Thanksnakkah dinner?</i><br /><br />Roofies? Sometimes its ok to use evil if the goal is a Good one. Well, alright already, maybe not, but so what? If you don't have a roofie, try giving him a couple of pink "ex lax"- tell him its a new M&M. Make sure you have 2 bathrooms with working toilets first.Kathyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03176801494652946278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-85505303588224061032013-11-14T13:27:20.726-08:002013-11-14T13:27:20.726-08:00Dear Carl,
This is an all-too-familiar complaint ...Dear Carl,<br /><br />This is an all-too-familiar complaint and while my heart goes out to you, do consider the fact that many families abandon their insane relatives in times of stress.<br /><br />Since you are accommodating to some extent and do invite the guy over for the holiday, have you thought of entertaining his fantasy re: trees? Do you have a backyard? Wally suggests you buy or borrow some post-hole diggers and create a trench about the depth of his knees. Then you can plant your uncle in back for the night. Entertain his delusion with occasional watering and ranking. He'll be happier and so will will you.<br /><br />Hope this helps,<br />W.<br /><br />Wallynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-51681993745097249012013-11-14T02:26:48.351-08:002013-11-14T02:26:48.351-08:00Well, most of the time he's just a slobbering ...Well, most of the time he's just a slobbering pile of stale vomit and mustard stains, until the third or fourth bottle of MY WINE at which point he becomes loud, abrasive and starts making googly eyes at my adult daughter. <br /><br />This we can handle with a dose of saltpeter in the fifth bottle of wine. It's when he starts to strip in the street and yells "I'M A TREE! I'M A HUGE SYCAMORE!" that we get alarmed.Carlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03664920037425489644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-57266868434613105682013-11-13T17:38:17.192-08:002013-11-13T17:38:17.192-08:00Dear Carl,
Interesting comment and an anticipated...Dear Carl,<br /><br />Interesting comment and an anticipated subject of next column. How annoying is your "drunkle?" This is important since advice in these matters varies depending on the level of obnoxiousness.<br /><br /> Wallynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-63807368790810408822013-11-13T02:31:24.840-08:002013-11-13T02:31:24.840-08:00Thanks, Mr Eye! Our usual solution is the "Al...Thanks, Mr Eye! Our usual solution is the "Alice's Restaurant Massacre" but the NYPD frowns upon trash dumping in Central ParkCarlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03664920037425489644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-75384358251948533842013-11-12T16:00:00.280-08:002013-11-12T16:00:00.280-08:00Dear Carl,
I've often found the solution to a ...Dear Carl,<br />I've often found the solution to a tricky family problem in a favorite old movie. Those Hollywood producers sure understood family dynamics, didn't they? Way better than Dr. Philbert, anyhow. My recommendation is that you watch "Scent of a Woman" again, and pay close attention to the Thanksgiving dinner scene. Hoo-rah!<br />Yours,<br />Walleyetrashfirenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-6977797420047650942013-11-12T09:41:35.154-08:002013-11-12T09:41:35.154-08:00In watching "Leave it to Beaver" (leave ...In watching "Leave it to Beaver" (leave <i>what</i> to Beaver?), I was always a little amused at just how terrified the Cleaver boys were of their father. I mean, 90% of the jams they got into were all about trying to remedy a ridiculous decision they'd made "before Dad finds out and clobbers us." I wonder if Ward liked to beat them with the belt or just a rolled up newspaper.<br /><br />The show petered out, as so many did, after a disastrous attempt to leave the monochrome fifties. I think Wally did "the Twist" in one of the final eps, and the Beav clumsily attempted to talk to girls at cotillion, and both boys failed mightily at their respective attempts. Sad, really.<br /><br />No surprise that the boys grew up, as we learned in the sequel TeeVeeMovie, to be monumentally stupid and still naive as all get out. Nice work, Ward!Chris Vosburgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-40874600120713776292013-11-12T02:37:52.389-08:002013-11-12T02:37:52.389-08:00Wally, I like the cut of your jib.
How should I ...Wally, I like the cut of your jib. <br /><br />How should I handle the drunk uncle, or drunkle, that will be showing up uninvited for Thanksnakkah dinner?Carlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03664920037425489644noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-46563447584816416252013-11-11T14:07:05.311-08:002013-11-11T14:07:05.311-08:00I see now why Wally's nickname was "Wolve...I see now why Wally's nickname was "Wolverine."Dr.BDHnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-40989647864466017952013-11-11T13:41:18.729-08:002013-11-11T13:41:18.729-08:00Beaver had negligent "rentier" parents.Beaver had negligent "rentier" parents.Wallynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-5813837859715842962013-11-11T13:39:21.161-08:002013-11-11T13:39:21.161-08:00Scott, please define "children's entertai...Scott, please define "children's entertainment" in this context. You know, the "Beve" had some situations where he thought he couldn't back out of until the cast came to his aid.Wallynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-24722347676501122702013-11-11T12:54:14.063-08:002013-11-11T12:54:14.063-08:00Oh, I thought Blackwater had changed its name to X...Oh, I thought Blackwater had changed its name to Xe or Xuxa, or something like that, and transitioned from mercenary guns-for-hire in the Middle East to the more lucrative and fabulous children's entertainment industry in South America.Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02798340582589737829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-84744894167095328062013-11-11T11:30:18.555-08:002013-11-11T11:30:18.555-08:00Dear ifthethunderdontgetya(tm et. al.),
Blackwate...Dear ifthethunderdontgetya(tm et. al.),<br /><br />Blackwater have achieved many corporate identities. Here's a useful link:<br /><br />http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackwater_(company)<br /><br />Xo,<br />"Wallicez"Wallynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1776456473941522431.post-47284350330387067632013-11-11T05:54:28.792-08:002013-11-11T05:54:28.792-08:00And perhaps in Ted's circumstances satellite p...<i>And perhaps in Ted's circumstances satellite phones, night-vision goggles, a portable crystal meth laboratory and a full detail of bodyguards vis a vis Blackwater (or whatever they call themselves these days).</i><br /><br />Dear Wally.<br /><br />What the hell <i>are</i> they calling themselves these days?<br />~ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©https://www.blogger.com/profile/06252371815131259831noreply@blogger.com