Pre-Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Undercover Angels Edition

Service Notice:

My much beloved, but finicky iMac has died (or rather, since it now boots up to a gray screen and hangs, it might be more accurate to say it's in a persistent vegetative state), and at the moment I'm making due with my faithful, but antediluvian laptop.  Unfortunately, I don't have access to my cat pix or photo editing software, which explains why we skipped Beast Blogging this past weekend.

However, our Southern Hemispherical friend Suezboo has placed a very non-naggy, unbeggary request for  beasties, and luckily I had a few images in the camera documenting our recent cold snap:

Riley:  "Would it kill you to turn up the thermostat?  No, it would not.  Would I kill you the moment you dropped your guard, slit open your abdomen and crawl inside to stay warm?  All signs point to Yes.

Choose wisely."

Moondoggie:  "I'm the meat in my own sandwich."

No, Not THAT Ten Commandments!

 Let's check in with our old friend Ellis Washington, "a conservative intellectual, a thinker who holds philosophical ideas out the Judeo-Christian traditions of intellectual thought," a "former editor of the Michigan Law Review," even though he didn't attend the University of Michigan Law School (maybe he did the horoscopes), and "authorized biographer for the conservative intellectual Dr. Michael Savage," although Ellis seems to have dropped that part from his bio, and since the book never came out, we can only assume that Savage finally realized that being the subject of a 200-page tongue bath from a middle aged man might expose him to a bit of ribbing, even in San Francisco.

Anyway, Georgia resident Ellis seems to have finally noticed the Georgia Guidestones, or stumbled upon their Wikipedia entry, or heard Alex Jones ranting about them on a real radio station while Ellis was doing his fake internet talk show.  And he's ready to blow the roof off these rocks!  And the Enlightenment!  And the Renaissance!  Which are apparently all the same thing!

The Ten Commandments of the Antichrist

If you want to make an omelet, you have to be willing to break a few eggs. ~ Lenin

To make sure you understand the diabolical consequences of Lenin's idea...

Actually, I believe that quote is from Robespierre, but he was pretty diabolical too (and, being French, his omelet was probably tastier than Lenin's, although Lenin's milkshake was known to bring all the boysheviks to the yard).

...the meaning is this: To start an international revolution under communism or state socialism, you must be willing to commit genocide everywhere it is established.

Committing genocide with an egg whisk, however, is kind of labor intensive, which is probably why they switched to the guillotine.

Revolution, or death? It ultimately means: revolution = death. 

 This explains the mass extinction event in the Continental Congress.

In my study of history and philosophy...

...I've discovered that Nutella is not an effective substitute for shampoo.  Nietzsche was wrong!

...I have found that whenever one discusses progressivism or the ideas derivative of progressive politics, from Enlightenment Age philosophers whose ideas contributed to today's progressive revolution – Machiavelli, Descartes, Hobbes, Voltaire, Rousseau, Robespierre –

I didn't realize Machiavelli was considered a major Enlightenment Age philosopher.  I should get out more.  Or, if I hope to engage Ellis on a level intellectual plane, be shut in more.

...to the ideas concurrent with the advent of the progressive revolution in the 1880s – J.S. Mill, Marx, Social Darwinism, natural selection, survival of the fittest, eugenics (invented by Darwin's cousin Francis Galton) and Nietzsche's will to power and aristocracy paradigm – the leitmotiv is always the same: For the glory of the revolution, kill the inferior, cultivate the superior. 

I wonder if it's a good idea for Ellis to wade into Social Darwinism when he hasn't quite mastered Darwinism.

The early 20th century witnessed the classical age of Progressivism with books like Lenin's "The State and Revolution" (1917), Sanger's "The Pivot of Civilization" (1922), Hitler's "Mein Kampf" (1925), Freud's "The Future of an Illusion" (1927), Kinsey's "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" (1948) and Betty Friedan's classic, "The Feminine Mystique" (1948), among many others.

The Feminine Mystique was published in 1963, but what's 15 years to a scholar like Mr. Washington.  Especially since he believes that Genesis is literally true, so humanity (and the cosmos) only go back about 6,000 years, which means we have to pack an awful lot of history into very little time, and things like the Renaissance and the Enlightenment are just going to need to have happened simultaneously.  Also the Roman Empire and dinosaurs, which I wish were true, because it really would have spiced up I, Claudius.

The common objective in these diabolical books is promoting the ideals of the progressive revolution. Whether it is the end justifies the means, for the greater good, survival of the fittest, God is dead, a New World Order, first brown, then red, "is" (legality) over "ought"(morality) – all end in death for the individual and genocide for most of society. 

Ellis thought feminism was a good idea until it committed genocide.  Now with all the dead individuals it's hard to find a date, especially for the major holidays.  

This genocide theme is reflected in the Georgia Guidestones. I first heard of this bizarre monument while watching Jesse Ventura's TV show, "Conspiracy Theory." 

I'm impressed.  Usually WorldNetDaily articles don't bother with citations.

The Georgia Guidestones is a large granite monument in Elbert County, Ga., near Athens. A message comprising 10 guides is inscribed in eight modern languages, and a shorter message is inscribed at the top of the structure in four ancient languages' scripts: Babylonian, Classical Greek, Sanskrit and Egyptian hieroglyphs. 

Speaking of citations, that's a word for word quote from Wikipedia, so take a lesson, Historians.  When you're doing history, make sure that you -- like Ellis -- have at least three primary sources, such as the Bible, Wikipedia, and Jesse Ventura. 

The Message of the Georgia Guidestones reads:

1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature.


2. Guide reproduction wisely – improving fitness and diversity.


3. Unite humanity with a living new language. 


4. Rule passion – faith – tradition – and all things with tempered reason. 


5. Protect people and nations with fair laws and just courts. 


6. Let all nations rule internally resolving external disputes in a world court.


7. Avoid petty laws and useless officials. 


8. Balance personal rights with social duties. 


9. Prize truth – beauty – love – seeking harmony with the infinite. 


10. Be not a cancer on the earth – Leave room for nature – Leave room for nature.

Nobody knows who wrote the inscription -- nor, for that matter, who paid a contractor to put up the granite manifesto -- but a close analysis of the text reveals that it's probably an eco-friendly, pro-choice libertarian Tea Partier with a yen for gardening and Esperanto.

Clearly, this  Hillbilly Stonehenge is Ground Zero for the Final Conflict.  Armegeddon will break out in Elbert County, Georgia, so if you were planning to get to the Dress Barn to pick up some after-Valentines Day bargains, I'd get a move on.

Interestingly, Ventura's show was about global warming. What does global warming have to do with cutting down the world population by 93 percent, from 7 billion to 500 million? How would socialists, progressives and globalists achieve such genocide? Who would decide who lives and who dies? When would this diabolical scheme begin … or has it already begun?

This is what I imagine it'd be like playing Trivial Pursuit with the Mel Gibson character from Conspiracy Theory.

It was an epiphany moment for me. 

[C]ould the Georgian Guidestones be a blueprint for a future progressive utopia where the majority of the world's population is eradicated while the progressive elites live and rule in peace?

You'd think if the progressive elites had drawn up blueprints for world conquest, they could also have figured out a way to make them more portable.  These monoliths are going to be hard to pass out at meetings.

Geologist Dr. Leuren Moret informed Ventura of the uranium that occurs naturally in bedrock groundwater: "Since uranium is an estrogen and a hormone disrupter, the female population is expanding and the male population is shrinking."

Given that Jesse took steroids, I think he's just making the uranium a scapegoat for male shrinkage.

Moret continues, "The plastic that the water's in, the bottle, has chemicals that change the estrogen and the testosterone. In other words, chemicals in our bodies are related to reproduction. It's killing our future generations. It's the unborn baby that is being most affected."

So as you can see, Elbert County's one tourist attraction is going to destroy all life on Earth.

Guess who is making all of the plastic bottles for America's drinking water? Communist China.

 ... Notice how every major progressive policy – from perpetual wars, the welfare state, eugenics, condoms, abortion, to legalizing drugs, embryonic stem cells, euthanasia and Obamacare with its death panels, is specifically designed to defeat Natural Law and God's original intent that mankind is the pinnacle of creation.

You've convinced me.  I'm going to immediately stop drinking uranium smoothies out of my plastic Chinese Sippy cup.

How can we stop Lenin and the progressive revolution during the Age of Obama from breaking more eggs for their omelets?

We can make them switch to Egg Beaters®!  Although Lenin is wily, and may not be that concerned about his cholesterol, since he's been dead for 87 years.

 When all men of good will start being fruitful, multiply, replenish, subdue and have dominion over the earth … and remember the lessons of the Georgia Guidestones.

I wonder how big Ellis's family is?  He's never mentioned a wife or children that I can recall, but I'm sure he'd never violate Natural Law by failing to be fruitful.

Oh well.  The important thing is, Don't Knock the Rock, and cultivate a BDSM relationship with the Earth (my safe word is "igneous.")

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The "Smother, May I?" Edition

MOONDOGGIE:  Finally!  I've got the pillow on the couch allllll to my...wait a second...why does my head suddenly feel like it's upholstered in cat ass?

RILEY:  Listen, man, you don't want to get involved in this.  Just walk away, man!

RILEY:  Yeah, Mr. Creamsicle's gonna take my couch pillow...I don't think so...

MOONDOGGIE:  You know, this is actually pretty comfortable.  Except I can't feel my cheek anymore...

Meet the Latest Robin of Berkeley

Okay, so maybe Adam Yoshida isn't an adequate substitute for Robin. For one thing, he doesn't whine constantly about his victimization by people who don't give him plastic bags for his tampons. And for another, he doesn't make crusades out of hiding from Trick or Treaters.

So, American Thinker had to come up with somebody else. Enter Ray Gross. And here are some excerpts from his maiden Think.

Sarah and the San Francisco Poster Wars

I am gay. I live in San Francisco. For the last few years I've had a terrible secret, one I felt necessary to hide from hateful and intolerant people. Who would these people be, and what am I hiding?

I am hiding from the Liberal Left. I am hiding that I'm a conservative.

Comes from the Bay area? Check! Hiding that he's a conservative from the liberal forces who would send him to re-education camp if his secret came out? Check! Plus, he's gay!!! That beats being a licensed psychotherapist hands down, especially since nobody can report you to the gay licensing board for conduct not befitting a homosexual, based on your columns.

Oh, and Roy also loves Sarah Palin just as much as Robin does ... and MORE!

With my new awareness of myself and the world around me, I decided to keep my eyes open for someone I can trust, someone who represents truth, honesty, goodness, and above all, strength of character.

Enter Sarah Palin. The moment I heard her speak, I knew she was special.

Um, not like Trig is special, but special in that the fine people of Berkeley San Fransisco regularly hang her in effigy or something.

There was an unmistakable honesty and strength about her. All hell broke loose on the left when she entered the scene. The ferociousness and vileness of the attacks towards her comforted me because I know how the left operates. She was telling the truth, and in doing so was exposing the underlying falsehoods of their belief system.

They believed that North Korea was our enemy, but Sarah exposed this for the lie it is by just being her!

Anyway, much like Robin's secret mission to bring down the Left by saying "Bless You" when people sneeze, Roy has his own covert operation to make the world a Righter place.

At the crack of dawn I went to that fence, and pasted over the vile and angry posters of Governor Palin with another poster. A poster of Sarah, with hands clasped in front of her looking up in prayerful thanks, her smile genuine, her eyes sparkling. Behind her is the same sunburst design found on a well known Harvey Milk poster from the seventies.

Yes, it's the ascension of Sarah. Or, it's Sarah in the middle of nuclear testing at Ground Zero. Anyway, Ray is now Saved. Saved by the power of Sarah. Can I get an amen?

Standing in front of these new posters I felt hope and power. I felt proud, not only of the beautiful message of Sarah's image, but I felt proud of myself. Proud of how far I had come from the days of my old cocoon of ignorance and intolerance to my present place of self awareness.

And this is just one of the miracles performed by Saint Sarah of Alaska. I think she is ready for the beatification committee.

Look on Me, Ye Mighty, and Despair

Poor Dr. Professor Mike Adams, Ph.D. He couldn't find any foes to tilt at this week (all of the usual feminists, hippies, gays, transgendered individuals, atheists, university employees, and other imaginary suspects were apparently too busy to play with him), so he's reduced to devoting a whole column to lambasting somebody who posted a negative comment about one of his Townhall pieces. Sad, really.

Dear Allison:

I read with great interest your recent comment on one of my columns, which was posted on TownHall.com. In the post, you claimed that I had experienced a “sychotic [sic] breakdown” shorty after receiving tenure, which, in your opinion, explains my tendency to lambast the academic left in my weekly column.

Of course, the gist of Dr. Mike's response is that Allison can't spell. The rest of it is about how he started hearing voices, which led to him becoming the misogynistic wretch we all know and love.

But the hissiest part of the fit was directed at Allison's lack of understanding about how greatly he is hated:

Finally, Allison, I noticed that you claimed that I am hated by hundreds, if not thousands, of people for the material I publish in my columns. You also predicted that my life would be cut short by one of my enemies – that I would meet an “untimely death” as a result of my columns. I have two problems with your ill-considered remarks.

First of all, I am hated by millions, not by mere hundreds or thousands. And I am damned proud of it. Second, I do not think it is wise for you to make veiled threats against my life given that I own more guns than the armies of several third world nations. I am not concerned about an “untimely death” unless, of course, I see Hillary Clinton without make-up and subsequently have a massive coronary. So I’ll keep making fun of liberals and the Muslim extremists that they coddle.

Sorry, Dr, Mike, but my guess is that you're hated by maybe a couple of dozen people (they would be those who know you personally. You annoy a few hundred more. And maybe a few hundred others find you amusing in a perverse kind of way. But you are totally unknown to millions. Yes, millions of people don't care if you live or die. So, do whichever one you want.

And I am also sorry to inform you that your guns will not help save you from the "untimely death" you might experience as a result of your columns -- for the odds are that you'll get yourself so worked up trying to annihilate some 15-year-old who said something rude about one of your column that you'll stroke out.

But hey, maybe you can challenge a couple of third world nations to a duel (so you can use that arsenal), and die with your boots on. It's good to have goals.

This Explains Everything!

Okay, so I go over to American Thinker to see what the brain trust has been thinking about. Which, it turns out, is mostly how President Obama is trying to destroy America because that's what his reptilian alien masters want him to do. However, in the table of contents I note a column that sounds promising (for Wo'C purposes): "America's Most Dangerous Law."

Knowing the wingnuts as I do, I suspect that this is a rant against the law that prohibits shooting the homosexual activists who are forcing clergymen to find buff young men so attractive, or something of that nature. But I was wrong. It's actually an expose of the danger posed by the Presidential Succession Act of 1947, and how it will doom us all in the event of a Red Dawn.

The author's point is that if the President and the Vice President both die when Washington, D.C. is nuked, then having the Speaker of the House (followed by the President Pro Tempore of the Senate) take over as leader of the free world is a mistake, since this will lead to a situation where "someone in his or her 80's or 90's is likely to be the third in line to take up the presidency," so the Prez won't be much good at fighting the Commies mano a mano. And then, once the old guys expire following their attempts at besting Fidel in a knife fight, we will have to go to Congress to designate an "officer" of United States to take over the Commander in Chief role. And that will have Congress squabbling about whether members of the House and/or Senate are really officers, and then they will demand to see certified copies of birth certificates of anybody being considered for the job, which will waste a heck of a lot of time, what with so many public records being incinerated and such. And if we have to wait for Congress to sort things out, we're ALL DOOMED!

In other words, if a nuclear attack destroys the Capitol during the State of the Union and the "designated survivor" - say the Secretary of Energy -- is sworn in as the acting president, then afterwards a new Congress (or a handful of survivors of the old Congress) might assemble and elect a new Speaker who could then attempt to claim the Presidency. It is not difficult to imagine, especially if an attack had unleashed violent passions over, say, the use of nuclear weapons to retaliate or the scale of a foreign war, the former Secretary attempting to hold onto the presidency by asserting the unconstitutionality of congressional succession.

So, the author recommends "passing a new Presidential Succession Act that allows the President, pursuant to the advice and consent of the Congress, to designate a list of individuals who would then become the President in the event of a double vacancy." My feeling is that this would undoubtedly eat up a lot of Congress's time (how many laws are they going to get passed while they debate whether Bill Ayers and Satan belong on the list), and would cause a lot of hard feelings and awkward moments in Cabinet meetings when various advisers learn they rank behind Bo, the White House dog (or worse, aren't on the list at all). But maybe the law could just specify using the the President's Friends and Family Calling Plan list, in order of seniority, to speed things along.

Anyway, while this law isn't something I've given a lot of thought to (and I don't plan on doing so any time in the future), I have to applaud this wingnut for coming up with an original topic for his American Thinker debut (for this is indeed his first Think). So, kudos to you, Adam Yoshida!

Wait . . .I feel a stirring in the force, a presence I haven't sensed in some years. Could this be THE Adam Yoshida? You know, Canada's answer to Ann Coulter, if the question is, "What if Ann was an unemployed, doughy guy in his twenties who lived in his parents' basement and thought up crazy ideas to make America the Muslim-killing, McCarthyite paradise God intended it to be?"

Could it really be him? I checked his old fallout shelter, "The online home of Adam Yoshida, the most right-wing person in all of Canada," but it is still the way I remember it: untouched for years (insert joke here). But if you go to Google, you find a new, fresh, Adam Yoshida blog, one with just the American Thinker column for content. And then you'll notice (and this is the eerie part) the restful row of trees, the quiet lane, the peaceful sheep in the banner at the top of the page ... and you'll realize it's THE SAME BANNER USED BY ROBIN OF BERKELEY in her blog!!!

So, let's consider the facts: promising young wingnut Adam Yoshida arises from the decent liberal folk of Canada, flares into the sight of such blogs as this one, Sadly, No!, and other wise guys, and then, poof, he is gone. Then, in 2010, a new wingnut appears fully formed from the head of Zeus, claiming to be an ultra-conservative forced to live in hippie-dippie land, and she provides us with long hectoring columns about how America should run its business. And then she doesn't have a column in American Thinker last week. And this new Adam Yoshida does. And Adam's new blog has Robin's banner!!! Coincidence? You be the judge.

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Technical Difficulties Edition

"Do you mind?  I'm watching my stories."

"Kick his ass, Walker Texas Ranger!

"Oh oh...I think my brain just crashed."