My Poor Wife's classroom has a house phone (it's an urban school, so the thing is attached by wires, if you can imagine), and it's set up to ring loudly once, then softly three times, then stop. She teaches art, and is usually working with students, not sitting at a desk or standing at a chalkboard, so she's often across the room from it. Plus thirty years of marriage to the last man in America who remembers Dita Beard has made loathe telecommunications almost as much as I. And she reports that when she ignores it her students are agitated as a kicked-over anthill by ring #2, and that if she allows it to ring until ceasing fully one-third require psychological counseling before they can resume their work.
Oh, great. We currently have Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor shilling for a car company, and now you give them this idea.
Other helpful tips: To light two cigarettes at once, place them close together at the very center of your mouth.Serious, it took me a whole pack of Camels to get it right.
Thanks to Animaniacs, Doghouse, I now gaily sing out "I'll Get It!" reflexively whenever any phone rings anywhere (including cellphones).
Walking thru Safeway or TJ Maxx... anywhere, really, I hear Quacking and Mee-owwing, even the theme to "Magnum PI": and I know its someone's phone!
Personal favorite, heard on an MTA bus traveling north on Vine, a cellphone held by one of two giggling teenage girls just behind me, which suddenly bellowed "Halt! You have the right to remain silent!" in the Peter Weller Robocop voice.Everyone on the bus tensed a bit, I think. This is Hollywood after all.Since I'm in Hollywood, people having conversations in public with unseen friends has been standard fare for many years-- it's only of late that it actually turns out to be the case that there's a cellphone conversaton going on, which merely makes us smile at the irony.
If we're not caught up in conversation with unseen friends.
You used to know who your crazy people were. Now everyone looks insane, talking to themselves. So I guess that makes it normal. Here I am walking around silently. I'm going have to start talking to myself again. I have to decide whether to do it with one hand stuck to the side of my head, or pretend to have bluetooth.Future historians - way, way future - presented with fragmentary evidence of our daily life - are going to theorize that our civilization collapsed because of a sudden catastrophic epidemic of horrible ear pain, followed by our opposable digits falling right the hell off.
The new way they'll dump severely mentally ill patients on the streets is with a phony (or broken) cellphone headset, to help them "integrate" into society. No medications, of course, those cost money!Hey, Saint Ronnie would have tried it in CA.
And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.
Standing in line at the grocery store checkout when suddenly a voice behind me, loud enough that I jump says, "Hey ... HEY !! "I turn around -- maybe someone's trying to get my attention ? The guy behind me, phone pressed to ear, shoots me a nasty "Mind your own business" look.Should I light up two cigarettes and put one out in his eye or would that be discourteous ?Signed,Confused
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