Thursday, February 23, 2012

A Rasher of Roth

With Rick Santorum the Republican frontrunner (although I understand he may have blown his improbable lead with a clumsy performance at last night's debate) even wingnuts are getting nervous that he's a bit too pure and proud an example of the breed.

So this seems like a good time to introduce a little perspective.  Yes, Rick Santorum is a religious oddball whose skull is a cage full of a angry weasels decked out in papal robes and working themselves into a frothy mixture, but he's hardly the craziest candidate in the race.  That distinction still belongs to Dr. Laurie Roth.

You may remember Dr. Roth, the former disco recording artist and current "'Annie Oakley' of the airwaves," who is taking her Ph.D in Counseling and her black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and running for President on the Flip Your Whig* ticket.
New coming holocaust-- Christians and conservatives

The Coliseum is turning on the lights. Attendants have their popcorn and sodas ready. The stands are packed with distracted and thrilled onlookers awaiting "the battle of Gods."

The watchers know this will be a bloodbath and a gooey entertainment fest like never before.
Apparently the movie Gladiator left me with a rather skewed, historically inaccurate view of what went on at the Coliseum, but Dr. Roth has inspired me to stop letting Hollywood do my thinking for me.  So I've decided to do some research and learn for myself which of the many deities in the Roman pantheon was the God of Carbonated Beverages.
Who are the players who will delight the crowd? First we have "Christians and Jews" and those dangerous "Constitutionalists" on one side. Look, they are behaving just like King Obama said — their Bibles and being "bitter clingers." 
Personally, I prefer the Bitter ones to the other four flavors of clingers, because unlike Savory, the discovery of the Bitter clinger didn't lead directly to the development of monosodium glutamate.
On the other side are the leaders of Islam, Sharia law, and global elitism. These are headed by their savior, King Obama.
So the leaders are going into the arena to fight to the death?  Maybe Gladiator wasn't that inaccurate after all, 'cause this is just like that scene where Commodus faces off against Maximus (and I've got my money on the Elitists, because Obama is in pretty good shape, whereas the average "Constitutionalist" -- at least, the ones who show up on cable TV -- seem a little on the doughy side).
In special, heated box seats, I see the UN and Muslim leadership from the 57 Muslim countries. In another box next door, painted in streaks of bright colors, are all the unemployed movie stars, and wannabe terrorists such as William Ayers and Bernadine Dorn, who obsessively stand with Palestine and anyone attacking Israel.
Sarah Palin repeatedly declared that Ayers and Dohrn were terrorists, and now they've been demoted to mere wannabes?  I think at the very least they should have been offered the title of Terrorist Emeritus.
Next to them, by the pop machine, are the traitorous sell-out media and leftist political leaders who routinely sell out America and march her toward the new Holocaust — the control and eradication of Christians who support the Constitution, and Jews who just won't go away.
History teaches us that before his failed Beer Hall revolution in 1923, Hitler hung out by the vending machines and attempted a "Break Room Putsch."  And Dr. Roth is right about one thing: judging by the recent blather coming from wingnut bloggers and cable TV talking heads, especially on the topic of contraception, the entirety of "Christians who support the Constitution" probably would fit in a single luxury skybox.
The stage has been set for our demise. 72 FEMA camps have been activated.
FEMA Camps are the Wonder Twins of extrajudicial detention.
The NDAA bill has been voted into law, launched by Marxist posers John McCain and Carl Levin.
So...they're just posing as Marxists?  I somehow doubt McCain's performance is very convincing, but I admit, I haven't seen his drag act, so who knows?  Maybe he looks good with a beard.  Certainly Chief Justice John Roberts does.
None of this is new. The pattern established by Hitler is simply being copied by Obama and his thugs.
Rejected by the Academy of Fine Arts in Vienna, Hitler spent the years before WWI becoming an accomplished dressmaker, and many of his patterns are still sold today by Butterick and Simplicity. 
Remember, Obama is the teleprompter King.
He will not be undersold!  And now that he's added HDTVs to his inventory, he's locked in a deadly price war with L.A.'s own Paul, the King of Big Screen.
He copies his heroes — Saul Alinski, Hitler, and other dictators. He also obeys what his handlers tell him — global elitists and Islamic leaders.
I never knew Saul Alinski was an unelected head of state who ruled a nation with an iron fist.  I also never knew he spelled his name with two i's, but then, neither did his publisher, so I guess I shouldn't feel too bad.  I do feel obliged to point out, however, that if you wield supreme, unquestioned power, and yet you obey your own employees, then you're kind of a shitty dictator.  (And I'm a little confused by that last sentence.  Are his handlers "global elitists and Islamic leaders" or are his handlers telling him, "global elitists and Islamic leaders," which doesn't really sound like a command as much as it sounds like a Jeopardy! category if Sean Hannity were the host.)
Adolph Hitler wrenched democracy and freedom from Germany's hands with "Hitler's Enabling Act," voted legally into law March 23, 1933.
It was smart of him to trademark it like that, because now the Justice Department can go after anyone who illegally enables, so my friends in AA are getting a lot less pressure from Ukrainian websites to have a beer.
It was also called "Law for Removing the Distress of the People and the Reich."
And while the legislation was still being debated in committee, it was briefly known as "Butterflies Are Free."
You may recall that Hitler had the Nazis burn down the Reichstag German government building so they could create enough panic to get the votes for Hitler's enabling act.
You may also recall that just prior the Presidential election in 2004, the Terrorist Swatch Alarm went from Dusty Mango to Passionate Raspberry.
Responding to the signing of the NDAA Bill, Obama stated he would never abuse the power. GOP frontrunner Mitt Romney, also a supporter of this bill, said he would never abuse the power due to his character.
Unfortunately, Romneys' character is a Level 64 Blood Elf, and they're mean.
Listen to the words of another famous person, Adolph Hitler
Laurie, I don't mean to be critical, but this is not the way you play This Is Your Life.  You're supposed to make us guess who it is.
Hitler promised a ton of lies before the vote.
And yet he only delivered 1,633 pounds of lies.  The rest of the volume was just packing peanuts.
Hitler and the Nazis were part of the "Green" environmental agenda and supportive of national healthcare, as Obama is.
Maybe we're looking in the wrong direction.  Based on this evidence, it's just as likely that the real modern Hitler is Ed Begley, Jr.
From the beginning, the signs were everywhere that we had a tyrant for a president.
Yes, yes, I know, Laurie.  They already covered this on Blue's Clues.
Don't forget that Obama and Michelle were supportive of and in attendance at flag-burning events, and stated publicly before Obama was elected how they hated America.
Wow, my memory is really going, because I totally forgot both those things.  Even worse, I can't remember who played "Cooter" on The Dukes of Hazzard.
In fact, Michelle said she only started to love America after Obama was elected.
Well, that's not really a fact, since she actually said, "For the first time in my adult lifetime, I'm really proud of my country," and she actually uttered it in February, 2008, about 8 months before the election, so apparently Michelle is working for Skynet, and is able to come back in time to alter events, which explains the seemingly impossible fact that Ronald Reagan increased taxes 11 times.  It also raises suspicions about that incident in 1911 when Reagan's pregnant mother crushed a cyborg in a machine shop.
Obama constantly has surrounded himself with Communists, and with anti-American and anti-Jewish colleagues and employees. His actions from day one have been against Jews, Christians, conservatives, the Constitution, and God himself.
It's clear that Obama targeted these five opponents for one reason: so he could challenge them to a pick-up game of basketball  (I mean come on, have you seen that guy's jump shot?).  And while most commentators agree that Jesus is a dominating power forward, the ball is always tacky with blood and hard to handle after he dribbles.
Obama will not willfully give up his power. 
Well, not today, anyway -- he has a lot of appointments on his calendar.  So we're to have to do something drastic, like vote him out of office; but before we can even think about that, we'll have to undertake two perilous quests.  First, destroy his horcruxes, and second, open the peoples' eyes to Obama's true nature by marshaling a very serious, thoughtful, argument that has never been made in such detail or with such care.  I'm thinking maybe we could compare him to Hitler.
I predict, as the months unfold toward Election Day 2012, that Internet conservative journals and speech will be greatly diminished.
You've probably noticed, as I have, that whenever people of Laurie's ilk make forecasts, they seldom come true.  But this is the first prediction in which I can guarantee that the exact opposite will come true.
This will be a financial attack, regulation attack, and set of contrived legal attacks. Talk radio and conservative commentators will also be attacked and silenced.
This one, however, is almost certain to be fulfilled, provided we define "attack[ing]" and "silenc[ing]" a talk radio host as "switching to the light rock station in time to catch the Four Pack of Dan Fogelberg."
Watch for contrived and invented threats to attack parts of America, while the Russians are blamed......oh yeah, that was Hitler
Actually, that was Poland, not Russia, but let's not interrupt Laurie -- she's on a roll.
 Watch out for bold attacks aimed at national Tea Party groups and leaders.
Assuming you can find one somewhere.  Maybe try the Cracker Barrel...
Watch out for pastors to be arrested for preaching from the Holy Bible and not editing their speech.
Grammar Nazis.  I hate these guys.
We are seeing Obama war with the Catholic Church and Christian faith.
A price war.  Just like with Paul, the King of Big Screen, Obama is underbidding the Prince of Peace with free birth control bills!
 His healthcare mandate intends to force churches and religious organizations to provide abortion drugs and supportive products.
Oh, great.  First Obama made Catholic affiliated companies offer health insurance that includes contraception, now he's forcing the Vatican to underwrite the purchase of morally objectionable jockstraps and spleen trusses!
There is no place in our Constitution where insurance companies and religious groups can be forced to pay for abortion services and products. 
There's also no place in our Constitution where Catholic bishops get a veto on Federal legislation.
Yet, this president, who hates the Constitution, just continues to ignore it as he takes bold leaps forward into his beloved new and improved, Fascist America.
Nazis on pogo sticks.  I hate these guys.
We have a president who is demanding the nation pay for abortions regardless of Americans' beliefs.
That is Fascist.  I think the President should go the Communist route and demand that abortions be free.  Then Archbishop Dolan won't have to worry about his parishioners' donations going to subsidize an objective evil, like drugs that suppress ovulation, and can instead be spent on projects which benefit the entire body of Christ, like grudging compensation to victims of clerical sexual abuse.
 If we let him, he will start forcing assisted suicide on all who are disabled, medically too expensive, or just too old to contribute anymore. Remember, this was already done in one of the most civilized countries on earth, Germany. We are watching it unfold right before our eyes in America. History MUST NOT repeat itself.
Laurie, on the other hand, must repeat herself.  Frequently.
Those of you who love our Constitution, freedoms, and Judeo-Christian values and heritage — understand that you are on a growing enemy list. "Bitter clingers" that you more guns, Bibles, and ammo NOW.  ... Don't ever submit to forced healthcare
Except for transvaginal ultrasounds.
Don't ever submit to authorities arresting you in the middle of the night. 
If you must die for your liberty, die with these words on your lips.  "I regret that I have but one life to give for my country, and I particularly regret that I gave it while wearing plaid pajama bottoms and a t-shirt from the "Baldknobbers Jamboree Show" in Branson, Missouri."

*Apologies to the decidedly non-crazy FlipYrWhig.


James Briggs Stratton "Doghouse" Riley said...

Disco: most insidious gateway drug ever.

Cole said...

None of this is new. The pattern established by Hitler is simply being copied by Obama and his thugs.

They sure admire Hitler's originality, eh?

Helmut Monotreme said...

Nobody ever follows Mussolini's example. Or Tojo's example. Always Hitler Hitler Hitler. She is a broken record. Where are the political enemies that follow Idi Amin Dada's example. Does no one follow Gaddafi or Saddam Hussein's example? If not, I would say our class of terrified reactionary quasi racist, crypto fascist 3rd string ploitical commentators is stuck in a rut.

Anonymous said...

And you know who else was like Hitler? Hitler, that's who!

Kordo said...

Wow, I like this lady. I felt so abandoned when Michelle "Crazy eyes" Bachmann dropped out, ya know? It was like a bit of Joy had gone away from my TV. The Snowbilly Grifter had moved on to the lecture circuit, & there just wasn't anyone with their combination of work ethic and crippling psychological maladies to pick up the slack. I had high hopes for Nikki Haley, but she's displaying distressing signs of Sanity, and clearly cares more about Keeping Her Job than she does about what makes Free Market Jesus cry.
I don't mean to be sexist. The Men-folk of the GOP continue to impress (new Virginia motto: Just put your legs up, Ladies, and Feel the Freedom!). Also, it's about time someone identified the REAL agenda behind all those card-table cookie sales outside the nation's grocery stores. Godless CommunoLesbianism! To the barricades!
Anywho, Laurie Roth. I recommend scooping up some of her back catalog at the used record store. The Ebay price is sure to skyrocket once she gets arrested at the Republican convention here in Tampa for shit-bombing Mittens over his failure to personally parachute into Tehran and slay Ahmedinejad with a samurai sword.
Another brilliant effort, folks. Thanks for the laughs.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm....the poor dear might have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, but I fear she's taken a few too many hits to the head....

Jacquie said...

Thank G-d Dr. Roth is here to enlighten us all about Obama's insidious plan to force suicide on us all! I always used to believe that suicide was a personal decision that should be left between one and one's HMO.

Anonymous said...

My stepdaughter is getting her doctorate and being an A type personality, has always stressed out (at all levels of her education) if any of her grades dip below an A. Her dad and I remind her not to beat herself up badly cuz you know, there's a whole bunch of people out there with doctorates they've earned with just a C average. I think Roth definitely fits in that category. Plus yes she is a fitting replacement for Michelle Bachmann!



FlipYrWhig said...

and running for President on the Flip Your Whig ticket.

Hey! My platform includes dance club music and mindlessness, but of a slightly different nature.

Chris Vosburg said...

Laurie Roth writes: 72 FEMA camps have been activated.

Stuff like this is the background noise of the really wingnutty websites; it's unattributed, it's unexplained, it's unremitting, it's scary-sounding, and it's representative of the level of thinking and raison d'etre of sites like RenewAmerica (which primly claims that the views of its contributors do not represent those of RenewAmerica).

And since I had a few hours of irreplaceable time to spare for morons and their moronicity this morning, I thought I'd take this one simple sentence, this single example of outhouse-rat crazy, and track it backward to the facts it so completely gets backasswards.

The troo fax are these:

FEMA put out a simple request for proposals from companies who might wish to assist them in their goal of being able to quickly set up temporary bases of operations and housing for first responders in emergencies. The stated goal is to have these camps up and running within 72 hours of first notice.

The End.

No camps have been "activated". The "72" figure apparently comes from the number of hours set by FEMA as a goal for quick setup time.

As near as I can tell, the genesis of this tale lies with madcap radio gabber Alex Jones, who, I am given to understand in an email many months ago from no less an authority than Robin of Berkeley herself, is "controversial, and I don't agree with everything he says."

Oblivious to irony, Robin goes on to say that Alex "feels that we are all dupes, puppets on a string, fighting with each other in a way that totally distracts from the big picture. The big picture is the mega money at play here, the Federal Reserve, the globalists and the international bankers -- more money and a blood-thirsty power grab more than our wildest imagination-- or nightmares."

If you've read this far, please accept my apologies for visiting that upon you, but we're nearly done: That said, I'll now point out that Alex has accused the US government of having a hand in both the OKC bombing and the 9/11 disaster.

In 1998, he led a succesful effort to build a new Branch Davidian church in as memorial to the suffering of Koresh at al. at the hands of Janet Reno, and I gotta stop cataloging the crazy now, 'cause this is making my fucking head hurt.

And all this-- this furiously heaving ocean of madness-- is from deconstruction of a single sentence in Roth's article.

I'll have a go at all the other sentences, one by one, later on.

Like Hell I bloody will.

heydave said...

I only managed to get through about 1/3 of the post, myself. Too tired today to embrace the dumbitude that resides in Laurie.

histrogeek said...

It's nice the Dr. Roth supported the Occupy Wall Street and Occupy Oakland people when the police acted like little brownshirts.
Oh wait, she probably didn't. But you know who else used brownshirt policement? Hitler. You know how put an end to the brownshirts? Well actually that was Hitler too...

Jim Donahue said...

Wow... that's just ...


D Johnston said...

A little more on that concentration camp thing: The origin appears to be a 1994 videotape called "America Under Siege." The concept may well have been floating around in certain circles, but that video was what cemented it. It's most notorious for misidentifying an Amtrak servicing station as a camp. You can find it on YouTube if you're really curious.

Jim Donahue said...

Have you seen her new column? It includes this:

By March 23, 2013, we are all ordered to have RFID chips implanted into our bodies. Isn't March 23rd an interesting day to force this by? It was March 23rd in 1933 that Hitler's Enabling Act was voted into law, thus ending democracy and freedom in Germany. This RFID chip control scheme hides behind all the practical issues and terms....patient identification; health information to hold medical data; do patient surveys and hold records and billing information.

Keith said...

Next to them, by the pop machine, are the traitorous sell-out media and leftist political leaders who routinely sell out America and march her toward the new Holocaust — the control and eradication of Christians who support the Constitution, and Jews who just won't go away.

Reminds me of an old joke. What's the difference between Episcopalians and Jews?

Episcopalians leave without saying "Goodbye."

What a ditz this one is.

creature said...

When I need respite from the Four Ring Circus that is the Rethuglikkkan Race for the High Chair, I stop by here and allow the non-stunned parts of my brain to get their just desserts. These 3rd and 4th string bizarros are truly precious in their 'totally committed to gawd and country' spiels. I often think about getting out of the US (and have regretted coming back many, many times) but I am starting to enjoy the freakshow/horrorshow of our political system and it's parasites periodic appearance. Yeah, it must be the cumulative effect of the incessant drip-drip-drip of nonsense. And the tsunami-floods of stupid, like Doc Roth's, sure work good, also.

Anonymous said...

Who are the players who will delight the crowd? First we have "Christians and Jews" and those dangerous "Constitutionalists" on one side.... On the other side are the leaders of Islam, Sharia law, and global elitism.

First matchup: Pastor Swank and Bill Kristol vs. Mahmoud Ahmedinejad and Leonard Pinth-Garnell.

Green Eagle said...

Two vitally important comments: First, I must applaud your heroism in daring to openly call out the behind-the-scenes role in the international Communist Sharia plot played by Los Angeles' own answer to George Soros- the sinister "Paul, the king of big screen." Now, if you could only be equally forthright about the Mussolini of Mattresses, Larry Miller.

Second, just a thought, but do you think this Laurie Roth person could actually be Robin of Berkeley?

Chris Vosburg said...

D Johnston writes: A little more on that concentration camp thing: The origin appears to be a 1994 videotape called "America Under Siege."

Thanks for that, D, and you're quite right.

Whew, that takes me back: O.W.* Linda Thompson also gave us a number of other crazy films, primarily about the the Branch Davidian standoff, but occasionally tying it all together in truly grand conspiracies connecting up such disparate entities as the U.N., the National Guard, The Rockefellers, the Illuminati, etc. And of course, her Magnum Opus, the "Clinton Body Count," which purported to ducument the large number of "unexplained" or "suspicious" deaths among the acquaintances of Bill Clinton.

Back then, the internet wasn't quite available to the masses, so true believers (and bemused disbelievers like myself) relied on their local BBS's to view and download Linda's shit.

My first visit to a BBS was a real eye-opener. You couldn't find crazy like this in the letters to the editor of any major newspaper, so my first comment to the first forum I read was something along the lines of "are you kidding?", and it wasn't simply rhetorical-- it was a genuine request for information. Boy, those were the days, huh?

One thing's for sure: Alex Jones, in 1994 a twenty-year-old Austin Community College student, was most definiitely an enthusiastic consumer of Linda's crap, and other like her. He picked up the baton himself shortly thereafter with his own series of films which re-iterated the same claims along with his own embellishments (if that's possible). And of course his silly radio show.

I really should have said "the most recent iteration of the FEMA camp myth" in my comment, D, to clarify that this indeed is a thoroughly beaten horse which has been dead for decades.

And lastly, whatever happened to Linda Thompson, I wondered, did a little digging, and was surprised by what I found.

The American Justice Federation founded by Linda in '93 still exists. The website is deceptively normal: at first, it seems to be fighting for convicted felons' right to employment (after they're outta stir, that is!), but if you move on to other pages, the mask comes off and the old New World Order allegations start cropping up all over the place.

But the real surprise was this: the website's wecome page makes a passing reference to Linda's "untimely death", and I could find no mention of this anywhere else on the 'net.

In fact, she seems to have simply disappeared altogether in the mid-nineties, and of course I can't resist speculating that she is herself the final entry in "The Clinton Body Count," or perhaps faked her own death and went underground because they were after her. You know, them.

*O.W. = Original Wingnut

Dr.BDH said...

So I've decided to do some research and learn for myself which of the many deities in the Roman pantheon was the God of Carbonated Beverages.

That would be Persephone, whose nickname was "Pepsi."

scripto said...

"By March 23, 2013, we are all ordered to have RFID chips implanted into our bodies."

Trans-vaginally. And if you don't have a vagina just bend over. Maybe I'll get one for my birthday. An RFID chip, I mean.

Anonymous said...

I used to tell people my contraceptive implant was an RFID chip. No one believed me. I wonder what would have happened if I'd met this person?


Jimbo said...

"Actually, that was Poland, not Russia,"

In fact, it was both: the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact governed the secret division of Poland between the Soviet Union and the Third Reich. Surprise Poland! (Although they shouldn't have been.)

But, as usual, your observant snarkorama was excellent. Does anyone really pay attention to this manifest lunatic?

Scott said...

Well, her bio claims that Laurie "has hosted successful talk shows on radio stations from Boston to L.A. with no shortage of callers." But it's possible, as I think we speculated during her previous appearance on the blog, that they were gentlemen callers, and only there to take a gander at her glass menagerie.