declined to run for President, 'cause his legs too short to kickbox with God.
Certainly there are stupider, loonier, even drabber candidates out there vying for the Republican nomination, and you may have already picked a particular bipedal train wreck to root for, hoping your preferred candidate will go the distance and delay crashing before he or she can get up a good head of steam and take out a load-bearing wall at the Gare Montparnasse.
Bats Left/Throws Right would have become to Midwestern States Governed By Surly Megalomaniacs With Napoleonic Complexes* what Mudflats was to Palin. I would have gladly paid 3D ticket prices to see a cable news personality recite even a single Riley quote in the vicinity of David Brooks, before the anchor's tongue inevitably turned to ash in his mouth and he concluded the segment by vomiting steam and pyroclasts like Eyjafjallajökull.
So please join me in a moment of silence for What Might Have Been.
*© Doghouse Riley