Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Happy Birthday Anntichrist S. Coulter!

She's the cool aunt.  The one who'll let you smoke in the house.  The one who'll burst out laughing if you cuss creatively enough at the Thanksgiving table.  The one who'll reward you for finishing your homework with a sip off her beer.  And that's why we all run to the door with a whoop and a holler every time we hear her pickup truck pull into the driveway, excited to see what little gem of profane rhetoric she's brought us this time.

So please join Sheri, Mary and I in wishing our Annti a fabulous birthday. 
Now let's get this party started!

Mary says:  If someone asked me to describe Anntichrist Coulter, I would say...

She's the most selfless person I know, who should really be way more selfish.

No matter what life throws at her, she bears it with an almost obscene sense of humor, but more importantly, she doesn't let life conquer her.  No matter what is going on in her life, she is always there for the people who need her.  Even when she's down and out herself, she still thinks of others, and tries to lighten their burdens with a gift of a wonderfully crappy movie from the Dollar Store, or a beautiful piece of handmade jewelry that I will promptly steal from the intended recipient, because I'm not nearly as nice as she is, and frankly, Scott can't pull off a choker.

She is a beacon of hope. She is a beacon of action. She is a beacon of righteous anger.  She is...Annti Christ Coulter. And she is sublime.

Now back to the birthday cheesecake:

No Ann Coulter for you, this year.  Sorry.


D. Sidhe said...

Happy birthday Annti!

You are all that and more, and I hope you have a great birthday. I was trying to teach a bunch of male platypus to sing to you, but come to find out the little bastards don't have voices, so instead we all knocked off early and they went for drinks while I am here to be the first commenter to wish you happy birthday. They should be along soon with the beer. Foster's: It's Australian for big cheap drunk.

Bill S said...

Have a warm and wonderful, everything-that-could-possibly-go-RIGHT-for you birthday, Annti!
Was that first picture for MY birthday? 'Cuz you're a bit early, but thanks all the same.

heydave said...

Boy, howdy, have a great day!

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Awwww, y'all are too wunnerful!!! And MMMRRROOOWWWWW!!!!!! for the pictures, Scott!

I don't drink beer, though. Never have found one that didn't taste nasty, sorry. Fuck, having been "back on" the fuckin' drugs since '08, I can't drink ANY alcohol anymore, and hadda give up weed back in '98 when I got the sarcoid. I know, how do people live like this... ? I guess that I get my ya-ya's out on here, even though it's not even remotely intoxicating, it does cut down on how many tourists that I have to kill every year.

Now, if I actually DO get a rocket-launcher or flame-thrower for my birfday, y'all already KNOW who'd going down first... who wants to co-pilot a road trip to Wyoming?

Thank you all, y'all are too too sweet, and big love & hugs to you all, and anytime you wanna post photos of Terry for Bill's sake, I think that he's okay with that... But, um, Bill? GET IN LINE, BITCH!


Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

BTW, D.? What kind of barbeque sauce do you recommend for platypus?

Okay, okay, I'm kidding... but if they shit as much as ducks do, they're gotta do SOMETHING to earn their keep, seeing as how they can't *sing.*


Anonymous said...

To plagiarize Annti......"happy happy joy joy" on your birthday PLUS you get Charlize Theron and who isn't smitten with her!? Also reminds me that I've never gotten North Country back from whoever I loaned it to. Grrrr.
No one ever believes the check is in the mail but there will be a rather tasty package being sent your way to keep the celebration going!

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Thankee, Gappy! "North Country" is a truly kickass movie, too --- if I was her, having to work with those assholes and then having to DEFEND those peckerwoods, I'd have been a helluva lot more dangerous, especially considering how many POWER TOOLS were handy at the time...

Charlize is who I might've been, if I'd been born to actual SANE ADULTS, y'know? She's the same height that I used to be (or close to it), her voice is only an octave higher than mine, and you already KNOW how evil that MY blue eyes are... Really shows ya the difference between nature & nurture, don't it? Lucky bitch. Drool-drool, slobber-slobber, and ESPECIALLY over that carved-mahogany damned-near-"gawd," Terry Crews... I bet that you can bounce more than a quarter offa HIM!!!

Chris Vosburg said...

Happy Birthday Annti!

Drew a blank on rocket launchers at the army surplus auction. Do you by any chance have any use for for an infrared submarine periscope? They got lots!

Brian Schlosser said...

Well, I'm late to the party, as usual, but A Very Merry Unbirthday to you, Dearest Annti! :D

I'm sending you a Billy Blanks Tae Bo cassette. If you kinda squint... Terry Crews!

Anonymous said...

Aw, late for Annti's party. Damn. Sorry bout that.

Many happy returns, dear Annti.May all your troubles be little ones.(Whut?)And may all your gazes be starward. (Whassa matter with me?)Guess I'm overwhelmed by the gorgeousness of Charlize who is simply the hottest woman I know. Great neck!Er- this is not what I planned to say.

Happy Birthday, Annti. So glad you made it through another year and are still here and ranting.Hugs.

preznit said...

Annti- Happy Birthday, tried to post this yesterday, but google didn't like my password and I didn't want to do it on FB since they don't allow JW's through their tubes

Woodrowfan said...

happy birthday!

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

JWs? Well, at any rate, thank all of y'all, you are too sweet and too kind and far too generous to an ol' bitch like me. If I could, I'd have these pictures printed-out and glued to cover my entire fucking ceiling!

Dunno about Billy Blanks, though... I'd have to keep restraining myself from reaching into the TV tube and smacking the shit out of him for being SO FUCKING HYPER!!!

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Yeah, I know, I'm milking it for all it's worth, but every time I look at those pictures, they get prettier and prettier!!!

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...


Welp, I'm off the page now, I guess that I'll have to let go, but I gotta tellya, Scott, Mary & Sheri, that this is the best prezzie that I got this year, and I don't say that as a self-pitying remark. It's true and honestly an expression of affection & appreciation for such a wunnerful birfday post.

The only critique I'd have is to correct that first sentence. I haven't been "cool" to anybody except present company in YEARS, and I haven't been an "aunt" since 3 years ago when a junkie whore as the rapist who spawned her lied about me and turned everything upside down, including the ONE alleged "niece" that I thought had a spine and a mind of her own. The F.U. and Her Dick BOTH ***KNEW*** that the junkie whore in question was LYING, and yet the junkie whore was REWARDED for fucking-up my, Biddy & Boy's lives, as well as depriving me of all heretofore so-called "nieces" and "nephew," as well as the company of my dearly-beloved great-nieces & great-nephews, well, the few of the total whom I'd been allowed to know & love.

Haven't seen ANY of them since Teh Dick's funeral, and even then, they were strongly discouraged from even SPEAKING to me, Teh Evil One. The only one who's always told the fucking TRUTH, and the F.U. and her recently-deceased Dick/chamberpot of ashes STILL gave those motherfuckers the red-carpet treatment and I'm supposed to just lie back, shut up, and TAKE their abuse & lies.


If any of those motherfuckers dies before I exact my revenge, I'll dig 'em up, drown 'em in hot lard and kill 'em all the fuck over again. Because I *will* have my fucking revenge, even if I have to resort to a vanity press, since I'll never get an agent in this lifetime, no matter what. Personally, it'd be much less labor-intensive to use the woodchipper, but the book would wound ever so much more deeply.

Self-indulgent rant done now, thanks for listening, and once again, many many truly appreciative & loving thanks for the wunnerful prezzie in the first place, and may we ALL hit the damned Powerball BUT SOON!!!!!!