The Lingerie Museum was looted during the 1992 L.A. riots (tragically, while it was hosting the "Treasures of the Vatican Underwear Drawer" exhibition, which featured Papal underpants that had never been seen outside the Lateran Palace before, including many fine bejeweled and brocaded jockstraps that made the Borgia Era Vatican seem like such a party school). Also, it had some of those nutty cone bras that Madonna used to wear. But the Christmas spirit prevailed when "[O]ne repentant looter delivered a bag of pilfered celebrity lingerie, including Ava Gardner's 'bloomers' and a push-up bra once worn by TV actress Katey Sagal, to the pastor at nearby Blessed Sacrament Catholic Church, Hollywood. An Austin newspaper noted that Blessed Sacrament's pastor 'may be the only priest in America to ever comfort a man who felt guilty about stealing celebrity bloomers.' In an article titled 'Support Is Generous for Bra Museum', the St. Louis Post-Dispatch noted that such an 'uplifting story could only happen in Hollywood.'"
Alas, Frederick's lost its Deco digs during the developer feeding frenzy that accompanied the so-called "Hollywood Renaissance," and is now just a museum-free storefront. But we still have our memories, and an old catalog from 1967:
...or at least be his Christmas Charo.
Back in Sixties, Santa, though middle-aged, was still Swingin' enough to be concerned about his virility, so he resorted to the same shoe-black mustache dye favored by Just For Men spokesmodel Joseph Farah, lest Eartha Kitt think he couldn't get an erection. (Although the fact that he could go en pointe like a prima ballerina should be been all the proof you ladies needed that he was in peak physical condition, and the pipe he's brandishing clearly suggests he likes to get high, so basically it would have been like doing it with a man who combined the Adonis-like physique and Cheech and Chong-like stash of a Michael Phelps, with the raw sexual magnetism of a Denver Pyle.)
The 50-Foot Woman, when she wasn't Attacking, was smart (note the glasses), married (note the rings), lazy (note the ad copy), and modest, but mildly amused, about being caught in the nude by a right jolly old elf, who I presume she flattened like a mosquito.
"It's full of stars...!"
"That's weird, I must have a fever...My forehead feels warm..."
...and the human staff of World O' Crap, have a very Merry Christmas (or War On same), everyone.