Happy Birthday, Carl! I Got You Some Santorum!

Today is the natal anniversary of our good friend and longstanding crapper Carl, alias Actor212 of Simply Left Behind fame.  To honor the occasion, I snuck around backstage at the annual Hollywood Christmas Parade (née the Santa Claus Lane Parade) as they were setting up, and caught several inflatable celebrities in flagrante delicto.  I don't know who the Grand Marshal was, but apparently this year's theme was "A Salute to Buggery!"

Note the Tyrannosaur lifting its tail and "presenting" to a rampant My Little Pony, while a marching band looks on, appalled yet aroused.

Here we see the Lorax engaged in consensual sodomy with Horton the Elephant.  Sometimes, after a long day of speaking for the trees, you just want to relax and let your own lodgepole pine do the talking.

You know what?  I may be reading too much into this photo -- maybe it's just an awkward composition.  Let's try another angle.

Nope.  Judging by the look on Horton's face, I'd say Mustache Daddy is totes packin' that pachyderm.

But on to more serious matters.  Ever since we abandoned the tradition of posting Ann Coulter pictures on birthdays, we've been spicing up most natal day greetings with glamor and cheesecake shots, in an effort to make up for all the Ann Coulter.  Ideally, the model is individually tailored to the celebrant's tastes (some people are kind enough to email me ahead of time with a roster of acceptable eye candy).  Carl was mum, however, so I've had to extrapolate from what I know about it; to wit: he's a strapping Norseman, a scion of a proud Viking lineage.  Unfortunately, I couldn't find any sexy pictures in the Kalavala, so once again I'm defaulting to 70s-era Swedish exploitation star, Christina Lindberg.

 I actually had to spend a good ten minutes with Google Image Search trying to find a picture in which you couldn't see all her naughty bits, so -- you're welcome.  Honestly, the things I do for you people...

Anyway, please join me in wishing Carl a very joyous day.  And if he chooses to blow off work and celebrate in the time-honored custom of his people, by squatting nude in a meadow, here's hoping he doesn't get Lyme ticks on his Lorax.

And just to seal the deal...

Sexy Birthday Lizard!

Happy birthday, Carl.