Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Happy Birthday, Carl! I Got You Some Santorum!

Today is the natal anniversary of our good friend and longstanding crapper Carl, alias Actor212 of Simply Left Behind fame.  To honor the occasion, I snuck around backstage at the annual Hollywood Christmas Parade (née the Santa Claus Lane Parade) as they were setting up, and caught several inflatable celebrities in flagrante delicto.  I don't know who the Grand Marshal was, but apparently this year's theme was "A Salute to Buggery!"
Note the Tyrannosaur lifting its tail and "presenting" to a rampant My Little Pony, while a marching band looks on, appalled yet aroused.
Here we see the Lorax engaged in consensual sodomy with Horton the Elephant.  Sometimes, after a long day of speaking for the trees, you just want to relax and let your own lodgepole pine do the talking.

You know what?  I may be reading too much into this photo -- maybe it's just an awkward composition.  Let's try another angle.
Nope.  Judging by the look on Horton's face, I'd say Mustache Daddy is totes packin' that pachyderm.

But on to more serious matters.  Ever since we abandoned the tradition of posting Ann Coulter pictures on birthdays, we've been spicing up most natal day greetings with glamor and cheesecake shots, in an effort to make up for all the Ann Coulter.  Ideally, the model is individually tailored to the celebrant's tastes (some people are kind enough to email me ahead of time with a roster of acceptable eye candy).  Carl was mum, however, so I've had to extrapolate from what I know about it; to wit: he's a strapping Norseman, a scion of a proud Viking lineage.  Unfortunately, I couldn't find any sexy pictures in the Kalavala, so once again I'm defaulting to 70s-era Swedish exploitation star, Christina Lindberg.
 I actually had to spend a good ten minutes with Google Image Search trying to find a picture in which you couldn't see all her naughty bits, so -- you're welcome.  Honestly, the things I do for you people...

Anyway, please join me in wishing Carl a very joyous day.  And if he chooses to blow off work and celebrate in the time-honored custom of his people, by squatting nude in a meadow, here's hoping he doesn't get Lyme ticks on his Lorax.

And just to seal the deal...
Sexy Birthday Lizard!

Happy birthday, Carl.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Happy B-day to decrepit Actor212!

Chris Vosburg said...

Happy Birthday Carl, and I'll lift a glass to ya down at the Prime Time Pub tonight, and stand ya one if you're around at 5pm.

Nice work on the JFK assassination remembrance at your blog, by the way, it caught the zeitgeist really well.

M. Bouffant said...

Hey, it's like Wonkit in here!

(some people are kind enough to email me ahead of time with a roster of acceptable eye candy)
Well, I nevah!! Harrumph, I type!

All I'll say about actor beside Many Happy is that I let him be my Facespace friend even though I don't know him from meatspace.

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

I am no herpetologist, but I am pretty sure that lizard is presenting.

grouchomarxist said...

I was trying to come up with something smutty/witty about a "fudge-pachyderm" -- but the old brain cells just aren't cooperating today.

Instead, I'll just observe that this must be a truly sexy birthday lizard: he/she already has a couple of prominent hickeys on his/her neck.

Happy B-Day, Carl.

Doc Logan said...

Happiest of birthdays, Carl! I hope you are grinning as contentedly as an elephant getting rogered by a gnome with a Wilford Brimley 'stache.

(I had a pretty mind! Oh God, I wish I had my pretty mind back...)

BillyWitchDoctor said...

G3 Pinkie? Aw, screw you, Hollywood Christmas Parade.

Weird Dave said...


And a happy natal anniversary to you Mr. 212.

Sure got a nice SBL.

preznit said...

still better than the pic of Spongebob sporting a Prince Albert over at Tbogg's new digs

and happy birthday actor212

Carl said...

My own "My Little Pony"?

How did you know I spend my days mercilessly mocking my Brony buddies? You shouldn't have!

Thank you, thank you all! I'm going to remember this day for as long as my Alzhei--

Ooooh, a lizard!

Carl said...

A couple of side notes:

Doc -- can I have your babby?

And yes, it's a veritable Wonkitting in here...

Li'l Innocent said...

Who knew Tyrannosaurs were so well provided, gosh! However, I must say I consider that to be a very sexist parade overall. I don't see a single instance of a lady inflatable being allowed to enjoy the thematic fun. And no excuses about relative inflation rates, please.

Very Happy Birthday, Actor. Next time, ask for Anita Ekberg ahead of time. Those little 70s-style popsies would be blown away if a reindeer snorted at them forcefully.

Anonymous said...

Happy, happy belated birthday to Carl! May the coming year be full of mirth, love, peace, hope, excellent health and prosperity.
And the colored lizards rock!

~The Minx~

Doc Logan said...

Doc -- can I have your babby?

Sure, might as well, it's just sitting in the corner gathering dust, anyway.

Woodrowfan said...


Anonymous said...

I'm too late, aren't I ?
Happy Birthday, dear Actor/Carl.
Please excuse tardiness - my President died.(Does that count as an excuse? - not totally sure of protocol here.)
Hope you had a wild celebration with lots of intoxicating liquids.And a good year to come.

Anonymous said...

Also too, now THAT's what I call a SBL !