I guess we should be excited that liberals and the media have finally sided against the Russians.
I guess you missed that hockey game between the US and Russia at the Lake Placid Olympic Games in 1980.
After all, my college years were spent listening to them demand that we unilaterally disarm in the face of the Big Bad Bear.
Yeah, I don't remember that at all. Maybe you were drunk. And in a gay bar. And people were suggesting that you unilaterally disrobe in the face of a big, hairy gay man. The disco music got pretty loud in those places, so it's not surprising you misunderstood.
And then my post college years were spent in West Germany with the mission of killing Russians for as long as I could before my platoon and I were wiped out.
And how many did you kill? None? At all? Gee, nice work if you can get it...
So welcome to the party, you pinko dorks. It’s about freaking time.There was an accident on the 405! Look, just take my coat and point me to the bar. I can't believe I passed up an invitation to the Peterson's progressive dinner for this...!
But apparently now me and a bunch of other certified Cold Warriors – yeah, the Army gave me a certificate for perfect attendance in the Cold War –Really? You were standing in the Fulda Gap from 1947 to 1991? Boy, did you pull the crap shift! (By the way, does Kurt's claim remind anyone else [besides Ivan, of course] of Dobie Gillis's Dad bragging on his Good Conduct Medal from World War II?)
are Putin’s pals because we are enjoying the hell out of the strongman’s perfectly timed disclosure of the DNC’s purloined emails. They make undeniable what we always knew, and what the Democrat-owned media has tried desperately to hide; that the Democratic Party is not a political party but a crime cartel peddling lies, trading influence for dollars, and crushing the aspirations of anyone stupid enough to actually believe in it.So it's a good news/bad news kind of thing? Bad news is, America will be ruled by a dream-crushing crime cartel for the next four years. Good news is, Kurt will defect to Moscow like Kim Philby.
Of course, the DNC’s reaction to revelations was not to change its ways. No, all it did was dump that babbling half-wit Debbie Wasserman Schultz, a sacrifice akin to giving up Spam and Clamato smoothies for Lent.I probably don't have to remind you guys that Kurt was a stand-up comedian (he always closed with the "Spam and Clamato smoothies for Lent" joke because it's what comics called "a killer bit" and Republicans call "a Second Amendment solution".
Did Putin do it? I bet he did, but then I was never stupid or dishonest enoughOh give yourself some credit, Kurt. Maybe try a Daily Affirmation ("I'm stupid enough, I'm dishonest enough...")
So why did Putin do it? Who knows? It night be chaos – the ex-KGB spy sure loves chaos.It night be chaos, or it night be some other fake espionage organization like T.H.R.U.S.H., or S.P.E.C.T.R.E., or HYDRA, or H.A.R.M., or even C.H.U.M.P.
Does Putin want to avoid four years of dealing with President Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit?"The Davenport Funny Bone is proud to present..."
Now, Obama has been shafting allies for eight yearsBecause he's one baaaaad mother--
At the end of my careerOh, is this the column that did it? Well, I can't say I'm hugely surprised...
some of us grizzled colonels and sergeants major sat around with our young captains and majors, reminding them that we still had a few tricks up our camo sleeves. You see, while these amazing young warriors knew everything there was to know about chasing insurgents, there was something us old warhorses knew how to do that they didn’t. We knew how to kill Russians.Not Russian soldiers, obviously, since that didn't happen, but were a number of Russian prostitutes who went missing around this same time. Not that I'm implying anything. I think it's obvious Kurt's knowledge of both Russian-killing and sex remains theoretical.
If I didn’t need a Russia Is Not Our Pal 101 seminar from those young studsOkay, maybe not entirely theoretical. Perhaps a perfect attendance record during the Cold War entitles you to one pity handjob from a second lieutenant.
I sure as hell don’t need it from a bunch of fellow traveling progressive schmucks who have been kissing bear tail since Stalin grew a moustache.Kurt Schlichter. Ex-soldier. Alleged Lawyer. Failed comedian. And current Townhall columnist, because at Townhall, the whole is always less than the sum of its parts.