Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Happy Birthday Bill S! The Minx! And Fearguth!

It's Big Birthday Day here at World O' Crap. Partly because I'm running late -- Fearguth's natal anniversary was yesterday, for which I deeply apologize. I mean, I don't apologize for his birthday being yesterday; I have no control over his parents' sex drive, but I'm sorry for failing to get a post up in a timely fashion. Unfortunately, Mary and I tried to remove our old, dead, CRT-technology TV from the bedroom on Sunday, and in the 15 years it sat on the dresser, it's gotten much, much heavier. Or I've gotten much, much weaker. And frailer. While Fearguth, who is a bona fide senior citizen, has only gotten stronger, feasting on dub step, and the life force of the young people drawn to it. Will the police stop him? No, how can they?! Clearly Fearguth's otherworldly hunger requires a supernatural expert, a Van Helsing, or a John Constantine, to stop his reign of terror, but it's his birthday, so instead of driving a stake through his heart and burying his decapitated body at a crossroads at midnight, let's just serve him some sheet cake.

But that was yesterday. Today is the dual overhead birthday of our friend Nadine (AKA The Minx), and World O' Crap staff writer, Bill S. (who is legally referred to, on his birthday, as Bill S!).

Nadine, as you may know, suffers from the rare neurological disorder, Stiff Person's Syndrome. Last year she was forced to ask for help as she faced a new round of treatment, and this year she asked me to thank everyone who pitched in last year, because as W'OC Chief Medical Officer Dr. BDH said, "When World O' Crap calls for help, we Crappers must respond."

You guys are the best.

But on to the birthday celebration. Nadine emailed to request a "great cheesecake shot with as much naughtiness as possible," which I was only too happy to supply. Unfortunately, when I searched for "glamour shot", this is one of the first things that popped up:

Handy Glamor seems like a contradiction in terms, but I guess it's okay if you're talking about a glamorous salad. So which shall we have for our party this year? Melon Boat Salad? Sounds like a rejected first draft of a Harry Belafonte song. Frozen Party Salad? That's got kind of Donner Party sound to it and frankly looks like a cross section of a white person's thigh. Or perhaps Confetti Salad, which tastes like crap, but can be used -- under the right mystical circumstances -- to summon Rip Taylor.

Whatever. I Googled onward and came up with what I think is a decent response to Nadine's request: Anna May Wong, the first Asian-American sex symbol...

Meanwhile, Bill S! requested Stephen Amell, of Arrow fame, who apparently showed up at John Barrowman's recent birthday party and taunted the former Captain Jack with his perfect abs...

And of course, no World O' Crap natal celebration would be complete without a...

Sexy Birthday Lizard!

So there you go. I've taking a Vicodin and going to bed. But before I nod off, please join me in wishing Bill S!, The Minx, and Fearguth a very happy birthday.


Bill S said...

Thank you, Scott!

Anonymous said...

You guys! Thank you for the excellent birthday picture, but, even more, for all of your support during this incredibly stupid time in my life.. I mean, who would think I would come up with a one-in-a-million (the number is very debatable, due to misdiagnosis-- I know I was misdiagnosed for over 10 years). THEN, I'd come up with the ONE-IN-THREE complication of Type One (previously considered Juvenile Diabetes. I will be insulin dependent for the rest of my life AND fall BACKWARDS if a Bird unexpectedly poops on me.

But that's not the point. The Crappers have been close to my heart for a long time, and "Thank You" doesn't even begin to cover it.

With Love,
~The Minx~

Fearguth said...

Thank you, Scott! At 75, I'm living proof that not only can one live better with bad movies, but one can also live longer.

Debbi said...

OMG! I had no idea about Stiff Person's Syndrome. It sounds a lot like dystonia.

I also didn't know Nadine was The Minx. Hello, Minx! I remember that name from ages ago.

I'd type more, but my fingers are twisting too hard. Dystonia. It sucks.

Hank said...

Happy birthdays to all you lovely people! Too tired to think of anything else to say, but best wishes to you all.