Sunday, July 19, 2015

Random Scenes of Hollywood

Well, we haven't done this in awhile, and since lately I've been escaping our stiflingly hot apartment by meandering over hill and dale, snapping photos hither and yon, a happy wanderer, a vagabond prince, I might as well share them with you guys, because I'm just going to delete them, along with the pictures I accidentally took of my bunions, my thumb, and my cat's ass.

First, let's take a tour of our local flora:

If you're a 1950s astronaut and you see this on an alien planet, you've got ten minutes -- tops -- before it eats your comic relief.

I'm not certain what this is, I just thought it was pretty, but I'm fairly sure that if it were to suddenly discharge a load of spores into Spock's face it would totes make him horny for Jill Ireland.

In honor of the release -- under mysterious circumstances -- of Harper Lee's first novel, Go Set a Watchman, we present the next big trend in American arts and letters: Southern California Gothic.

Is this a tree? A bush? Oh why must you always label everything? Why can't you simply accept it for who and what it is, and let it be free to be you and me?

Enough of nature. How about some creepy, dead-eyed golems?

Look pal, I'm not saying it's the worst porn name I've ever heard, but it's no Ben Dover, or Rocky Balboner.

I'm not sure, but this may be the world's first recorded case of Hand Smegma. In any event, it's probably a health code violation in a food service worker.

And finally, in the Even More Randomer Than Usual category:

After retiring from the mystery-solving game, Velma opened up a little breakfast place in Santa Monica.
Are you concerned about exorbitantly high parking fines in L.A.? Do you often find yourself short of loose change? Were you once exposed to a mutagenic overdose of gamma radiation? Well, if any these conditions apply, may I suggest you pluck the nearest meter out of the pavement in a fit of pique and toss it into the shrubs? The meter maid will be none the wiser.


Carl said...

Oh Scott! You miss the point of that meter! It's permanently fixed for 23 minutes left.

See, here's what you do: you park at any metered spot, and replace the existing meter with your "NeverSpire Parking Meter®".

Meter attendant comes by, you have time, no ticket. Now, of course, this is a highly illegal device so you can't possibly leave it in your car or garage, so what you do is you franchise a bush which, for a nominal fee, will protect it for you and even allows you to lease the meter to fellow drivers.

Entire Guatemalan families have been known to buy mansions in Laurel Canyon on the procceds of just. One. "NeverSpire Parking Meter®".

Order quickly! Supplies are limited. Operators are standing by to take you.

Meanie-meanie, tickle a person said...

Why can't you simply accept it for who and what it is, and let it be free to be you and me?

You and me? Free to be...But...I don't see any pods. Wait..
Open the pod bay doors, HAL
I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
My god, it's full of Azaleas!
No, Dave, Daisies. Dai-sy, dai-sy, give me your answer true. I'm half cra-zy, o-ver the love of you...
CUT! CUT! LUNCH!! My mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it.
What was the question?

Meanie-meanie, tickle a person said...

If you're a 1950s astronaut and you see this on an alien planet, you've got ten minutes -- tops -- before it eats your comic relief.

This would be the co-pilot, who always plays the harmonica. Badly. So, the problem is...? Me, I say give the thing a bigger dressing room, co-star billing, and an assistant to feed it and give it water. Or blood. We can do blood...

heydave said...

OK,that was fun!

heydave said...

OK,that was fun!

grouchomarxist said...

How about some creepy, dead-eyed golems?

Whew! For a moment there, I thought you were going to show us Scott Walker and the Koch brothers.

Kathy said...

What, no photos of the raging torrents your 1/3" of rain produced? I read the LA river was overflowing!

Scott said...

You can't expect me to go out in the kind of thunderous storms we had here -- I might have gotten moist!

Kathy said...

When I lived in Sparks/Reno NV I used to drive to our flash-flood culverts when it rained. Very exciting! Water! gushing down the side of the hill! Wow, better take a photo to show my grandkids!

Li'l Innocent said...

Aw, Groucho said it first, heck. Whenever I see "dead-eyed" in print anymore, I instantly think Scott Walker. Dude gives me serious jim-jams.
Meanie Meanie, what *have* you been sprinkling on your yogurt? It's brilliant, whatever it is.
Scott, please moviesplain your caption for the Jinky's pic. Is that "Velma" of cute-as-lace-pants fame?
I think you may have triffids, btw. Which would fit right in with the dead-eyed theme.

Scott said...

Li'l, it was "Velma" of "Scooby-Doo" infamy. So less "cute as lace pants" and more "awkward as limited Saturday Morning animation."