(Note: Mary has caught the first of what will no doubt be many colds from her students, and is spending the Labor Day Weekend suffering the effects. Note also that this in no way stopped me.)
Mary: Is Dick Clark dead?
Scott: Yes. Why?
Mary: I never know when he's dead.
Scott: I didn't realize he commuted between this world and the next.
Mary: You know what I mean.
Scott: "Is Dick Clark alive this week?" "I dunno, let me check my menstrual calendar...Yep, there's a full moon tomorrow."
Mary: I mean I never know when famous people are dead.
Scott: That must make it awkward for you at funerals. "Mrs. Johnson, I'm so sorry for your loss. Fortunately, your husband was a complete non-entity, so I could tell he was dead..."
Mary: That's --
Scott: "If he'd achieved the slightest bit of success or renown, I'd be confused about his current state of mortality, but since he died in utter obscurity, I instinctively knew he was a corpse!"
(Mary guzzles tumbler of Ny-Quil.)
Scott: Have your cold symptoms come back already?