(Originally published February 26, 2009.)
This week, things take a dark turn at RenewAmerica, as Pastor Swank acquires a taste for human flesh.
NOTE: Pastor Swank authored MOMENTS TO GO, A STUDY OF THE SECOND COMING, Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City, 1974, the book now out of print. However, a few copies are available via such venues as Amazon books.
It’s hard to believe that J. Grant Swank had a book published in 1974, when he was young and green and had only begun to experiment with the avant garde literary techniques that would later come to define his unique style. More to the point, it means that the Pastor has been doing what he does to the English language for 35 years, without once being visited on Christmas Eve by the ghosts of Samuel Johnson, Noah Webster, and William Strunk, Jr., who would all presumably beat him to a pulp with ectoplasmic baseball bats. But then I saw the cover, and if any book ever screamed “1974″…
“Then he (Christ) said to me (John the apostle), ‘Write, Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.’“And he said to me, ‘These are true words of God.’”Will you be at the marriage supper of the Lamb? I hope not.
Because you didn’t RSVP, and we’re running out of applesauce and mint jelly.
That is, I hope you will not be eating the marriage supper of the Lamb menu.
The prix fixe is 34.95 and it doesn’t even include the cheese course and coffee!
On the other hand, I do pray that you will be there to see it eaten; but you would not want to partake of the banquet set forth.
Because the Party Platter came from Subway.
Note Revelation 19:17-18: Then I saw an angel standing in the sun, and with a loud voice he called to all the birds that fly in midheaven, “Come, gather for the great supper of God, to eat the flesh of kings, the flesh of captains, the flesh of mighty men, the flesh of horses and their riders, and the flesh of all men, both free and slave, both small and great.”
Can I just have a small mixed green salad? With the balsamic vinaigrette on the side.
Yes, as the Word states, you as a believer will be “blessed” by being “invited to the marriage supper.” The definition of your blessing will be being in the entourage of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He will be victorious over the AntiChrist and False Prophet. You will rejoice in that win.
And, needless to say, there’ll be an open bar.
I recall since a child hearing preachers deliver sermons on the marriage supper of the Lamb. By the close of their messages, I was salivating for that delicious set-forth.
Why doesn’t the Pastor have his own show on the Food Network? He’s a natural.
Then when I became an adult to do my own biblical study on the topic, I realized that I did want to be the vultures picking the bones of the defeated dead in the Battle of Armageddon. No, thank you.
“But then I realized they were all out of Chex Mix and Vienna Franks, and Defeated Dead was all that was left in the chafing dish. I knew I should’ve gotten to Armageddon earlier.”
The closest then that I wanted to get to the supper was to see the vultures taking care of the matter quite fully.
CROW T. ROBOT: “I think you’ll agree, there are few sights in nature more beautiful than a plump member of the Cathartidae family pulling a fetid string of meat off a week-dead Thompson’s gazelle. ”
The accent of the phrase “marriage supper of the Lamb” is not the word “supper,” though we with gastric juices working at high speed might interpret it as the most significant term.
I often misplace diacritical marks when my stomach acid breaks the speed limit.
The word that needs underlining is “marriage” for it is the union of Groom Christ with Bride believers that is most important. After such a rough ride as the tribulation, it will be high time for the Groom and Bride to be together.
We had a little plastic Jesus in a tuxedo and his post-Apocalyptic bride on our wedding cake too. Really added a splash of elegance.
At the close of the about-seven year tribulation, Christ will leave the right hand of the Father in heaven. He will descend toward this planet with angels and the saved of all time.
But if he descends during rush hour there will likely be a 15 to 20 delay on the Throg’s Neck, so Jesus and the saved for all time will probably want to take an alternate route.
At His return, passing through the clouds, the dead in Christ will be lifted out of their graves. The believers alive on the planet will be whisked into the clouds to change their clothes from mortal to immortal, from corruptible to incorruptible.
Unfortunately, all my immortal clothes make me look hippy.
Christ will first put his holy feet on the Mount of Olives when touching down on Earth. The Mount will split in half from east to west, signifying His power over His creation.Christ by that time will have won the Battle of Armageddon in the Valley of Megiddo in Israel’s northwest region. He will have spoken a word. The war will have ceased leaving corpses spread across the valley.
The word, by the way, will be: “Oops.”
Vultures will be clawing at those dead frames as Christ proceeds to the Mount of Olives, angels and believers accompanying Him.Then Christ will proceed to the Holy City where He will rule for a thousand years — the millennium.
But he’ll fail to update his computer software and when the millennium hits he won’t be able to access his bank statement.
The saved of all time will rule with Him in the two major societal dimensions — religion and politics. They will rule as “priests” and “kings,” per Revelation’s terminology.
Although Revelations’s terminology also includes “spank,” “touch-hole,” and “Bozo,” so you might not want to take it too literally.
For the first seven months into the millennium, Israeli employees will bury the defeated dead bones
It’s a crappy job, granted. But hey, in this economy, we’re lucky to be working.
…thus cleansing the Holy Land of every sign of the demonic enemy. The Holy Land then will truly become holy so that heaven’s Holy One may reign in righteousness.How long will it take the vultures to finish off the marriage supper of the Lamb menu? We do not know.
They’ve been sitting there for 30 minutes already and they haven’t touched their fruit cup.
(Original comments are below the fold)