Continuing our recent tradition of plucking Pastor Swank's pearls, like so many undigested corn niblets, from the ejecta of our archives, we present this column, first published on March 9, 2010. Original comments from O.G. commenters below the fold:]
Epops: You’re mistaken: men of sense often learn from their enemies. Prudence is the best safeguard. This principle cannot be learned from a friend, but an enemy extorts it immediately. It is from their foes, not their friends, that cities learn the lesson of building high walls and ships of war.
— Aristophanes, Birds
Or, as Pastor Swank more eloquently put it:
America should learn from Jakarta’s protesters how to clog the streets with cries of imploding the Oval Office imposter.
The lesson here is plain: eat more fiber.
Marxist Muslim Barack Hussein Obama is beheading America by throwing our money into the downdrains.
A conservative Christian would use an axe or a knife to decapitate the country, because it’s more efficient. A liberal, meanwhile, thinks you can solve any problem by throwing money at it, including the problem of how to behead America; but you’d probably have to use coins — sharpened like shurikens, because I don’t think folding money is capable of delivering a neck-severing paper cut — and you’d probably have to throw them really, really hard. On the bright side, at least Obama is cutting our nation’s head off near the downdrains, because I doubt there’s enough paper towels in the world to deal with a blood stain that size, even if they did have thirst pockets.
He’s a liar. He breaks his promises. He plays dictator. His crook and liar cronies stand to right and left of his every move. His wife is team member with him.
I heard his wife was team Jacob, but if she’s team member that’s okay with me too. I like a woman who’s pro-boner and not afraid to admit it.
There is no doubt that Obama is using every means possible to wipe out this Republic. That is the prime purpose of any Muslim—eliminate the infidels. Beheading is the favorite modus operandi. But if one can behead without shedding blood, so much the cleaner.
And Pastor Swank’s violent eschatology takes a weird, sudden swing into Billy Mays territory.
“And if you can behead without blood, so much the cleaner!”
Obama is working night and day with cohorts Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid to shred this nation from coast to coast.
The Democrats are bankrupting America, buying all this sick skateboarding gear!
This is most evident with the Obamangst “care”
“Obamangst?” I am second to none in my admiration of the Pastor’s ability to neologize, but like the speed of light, there is apparently a physical limit to Obama name puns, beyond which acceleration, and sense-making, is impossible. And that dull, moist-sounding smack was the Pastor hitting it face first.
bill ram-jammed down our throats.
As you know, Pastor Swank doesn’t always get the latest wingnut talking points (he still thinks “Teabaggers” is a badge of honor), but he must have recently figured out how to use email, since he’s jumped aboard the whole “Obama and Congress are ramming health care reform down our throats” meme. And yet, being Swank, he’s decided this argument would be more effective if it internally rhymed. And that’s why he’s awesome!
Reasonable newsfeeds don’t know how to word their coverage of this insanity. Fox Newscasters in particular are stymied when trying to figure out logical ways to communicate this crazy scene from the White House.
Every day they grope for new verbiage by which to state that the present administration is killing our democracy and no one seems to know how to stop it.
“Verbiage fails me.”
Well, in Jakarta, protesters fill the air with cries that Obama is not to arrive there because he is not Muslim enough. There you have it. In America, Muslim Obama is Muslim Number One. In Jakarta Obama is not Muslim enough.
While in a remote cottage occupied by a family of bears, Obama is just Muslim enough.
Now this brings us to the spiritual analysis. God is at work through this whole mess. Why? Because of the righteous remnant at the time of America’s start and at the present moment. Those prayers match up before heaven’s throne.
It’s the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost…And they’re all here to play The Family Feud!”
Satan is also at work, evidently.
Not only that, but he just got a big bonus from Goldman Sachs.
Satan wants to destroy America because it is the only country begun with a Christian stand. America is the Christian-heritage nation of the planet.
Just add water, and the Christian Stand™ will reduce the chance of fire and keep your Christian fresh and healthy-looking for up to three weeks! (For best results, lop off the bottom 2 to 3 inches of your Christian before inserting in Stand.)
We must not try to play God. We must let God guide us socially, spiritually and politically—which He will do.
I use the Google God app for iPhone.
Watch how God moves in the future to rescue America from the Marxist Muslim schemes to rid the world of the Christian-heritage United States of America.
And my dad will be able to beat up your dad at some indeterminate point in the space-time continuum.
Jakarta is an example of how to protest Obama at the moment. Other protestations will show up on life’s screen.
I think the Pastor’s telling us he just discovered YouTube.
In each of these, God will work His move.
And God works His move in mysterious way.
Anyway…Keep Watching the Life Screens!