Friday, March 16, 2012

There Are No Words, But Terrible Found Some

Several friends of Joanna (our own Anntichrist S. Coulter) wrote to tell me that her beloved niece Jada has passed away at the age of 4.  I don't know how this month could get any worse, and I don't want to know.  Joanna is without internet at the moment -- I don't know if her appeal failed, and she's been evicted, or if it's a computer problem -- but I figured you guys would want to know.  And if she's able to borrow a connection and make it over here, I want her to know that we're thinking of her.

The obituary that appeared in the Times-Picayune is below.  Click to enlarge to a more readable size.

I don't know what to say, so I'm just going to quote Terrible's brief, but eloquent words at Mark of the Beast:

Those of us who know Annti know how much she cared about Jada and how she felt about her never having a chance for a wonderful happy life. And our hearts and thoughts go out to her. If there is a souls journey after death may Jada’s soul have that childhood she never had the chance for here.


Ivan G Shreve Jr said...

The title of this post sums up how I feel. Devastated to hear of your loss, Joanna.

Stacia said...

Oh Joanna, I am so terribly sorry to hear about little Jada. You have my most sincere condolences.

Kathy said...

This is awful. I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do?

Kathy said...

I can send Joanna a laptop, if I could have her address?

Realist said...

It's a computer problem - she hasn't been evicted yet. I'll see if I can get an address for her.

acrannymint said...

Realist - please do. I really hate when other peoples woes put my piddly problems in perspective. I would rather be obsessing over my issues than hear that people I like are in much worse straits than I am.

acrannymint said...

I hope that didn't come out as narcissistic as it may have sounded.

Kathy said...

Thanks, I have her current address if she's still there.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

I R HERE. Thanks to the emergency kiddy-sized 'puter of Realist's, I'm back online for now. Court date for the eviction clusterfuck is the 26th, traffic court for the profiling bullshit is the 27th.

And thank you, Scott, Terrible Ted & Realist, not only for this wunnerful post, but also for all of the loving words @ M.O.B. I lost my saved passwords with the death of the wunnerful laptop that the ever-impetuous, amazingly-generous CCMcGoon & Jobsanger had sent me, lo, not so many moons ago. So I can't comment or post on M.O.B. right now, but I wanted y'all to know how moving and appreciated your words & posts were, and yours here, Scott.

I hadn't been able to see Jada this whole year that I've been in the hellacious asshole of New Orleans, b/c her mother is an idiot, still married to the scum who beat her well into her 3rd trimester with Jada, which explains why Jada's almost 5 years were nothing but pure hell. Actually, I hadn't seen her since Teh Dick's funeral in April of 2010, and have missed her, her sister, as well as her cousins, all of my great-nieces & great-nephews, so damned much that it literally fucking HURTS. Seeing them was the only good thing about that farcical idolatry-fest on Friday.

And yes, as Realist posted, the only good thing to say about Jada's too-short, but so-painful life, is that she is no longer in pain. It always ripped my heart out that you could see in her eyes, much like Stephen Hawking, a living, thinking, intelligent human being, screaming to get out, to express herself, to LIVE. But then her beautiful brown eyes would glaze over, and you could feel her whole long-legged body start to tense-up, because another electrocution seizure was starting. All that you could do was murmur comforting words, stroke her face and limbs, trying to help her ease through the pain a little sooner. NO child on this planet deserves to live like this or to die like this. Except Dick Cheney, if I had that time machine, and could travel back to Trinidad about 50 years to stop the murderer's sperm donor from being hatched.

Thank you all for your love and kindness, so much. I have missed y'all all terribly, and am trying to get through the many e-mails, when HO-mail will co-operate with the mini-puter. Even with my reading glasses on, these tiny fonts are hell, but without Realist's generosity, I would not have even this.

KWillow, I'm going to write to you from HO-mail as soon as I can, to send you the P.O. box that I've engaged, no matter what happens @ eviction court. Better to be safe with the mail than sorry, y'know?

I love you all, and will never forget this wonderful kindness and the huge hearts in all of y'all. If there is any justice in the universe, none of y'all will ever have to watch a child that you love go through anything like this. May they all be happy and healthy and laugh and play and be children as long as need be.

Debbi said...

I feel I'm chiming in a bit late, but it's hard to know how to comment when there are no words.

My deepest condolences for your loss, Joanna.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Thank you, Debbi. As much as my heart aches, what really matters is all of the utterly preventable pain, deprivation of a LIFE, and a too-short lifetime of never once being able to do even the simplest thing, like playing or running or drawing with a crayon, that she was robbed of all of that and so much more.

If my so-called "niece" (y'all would have to go back 2 years before Teh Dick died to get all of THAT background. about 4 years altogether, when Jada was only 10 mos. old but already accursed) had had the simple COMMON SENSE to NOT BRING A CHILD INTO A HORRIBLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, then Jada would never have suffered, would never have been through 3 unsuccessful brain surgeries, would never have funded an entirely new wing for both Pfizer AND Eli Lilly with those damnable anti-seizure meds that made her a vegetable. A little selflessness, a little common sense, a little fucking RUBBER, and this baby would never have known such pain and suffering.

*See* why I'm for putting birth control into the tap water? Even if everybody's too sadiddy to DRINK the un-bottled/lesser-priced water, it oughta be ABSORBED THROUGH THE SKIN, especially the mucous membranes. When I talk about mandatory birth control and retroactive abortions (as in for a large segment of the populace of Trinidad, statue-kissin' cathlicks all), y'all probably all know by now that I'm *not* saying it for comedic effect.

And because a little less selfishness, a whole ASSLOAD less EGOMANIA and PENILE-IDENTITY ISSUES, and of course, HALF A PLANET'S WORTH *LESS* ABUSIVE/MASOCHISTIC/SICK-AS-FUCK SO-CALLED "RELATIONSHIPS" who hurt way the fuck more than the women *OR* men on the receiving end of those fists --- THESE CHANGES, these SIMPLE PAUSES TO *THINK* ABOUT CONSEQUENCES --- COULD PREVENT 95% OF THE SUFFERING AND PREMATURE DEATHS OF CHILDREN ALL OVER THE WORLD!!!!!!

ALSO: Dear ACrannyMint, I'm so sorry that I left your address query unanswered in my first post. I thank you all, from Ivan on down, for your sincere concern and love and true friendship, and for always being here for me, no matter WHAT else I've fucked-up in my life or haven't managed to fix or stop somebody ELSE fucking-up my life or their own or an innocent child's life... y'all are always here for me, and I never have nor ever will forget that. Anyway, ACrannyMint, sweetie, if you need to get ahold of me, and promise that NO FUCKIN' SPAM WHORES will get ahold of my HO-mail address, it's velvetgutter (NOPE, never WAS my porno name, thanky'allverymuch!) at said HO-mail. (TRUNCATED AGAIN!)

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...


Sorry for the pointless babbling and blathering, honestly, y'all, but I've been cut-off from most of civilization for so long now, I just forget when to shut the fuck up. And I probably won't ever get to see my other great-nieces & great-nephews again any time soon, no matter how many of their birfdays that I haven't been allowed to attend, school events, sports things, plays, etc., because of the junkie-whore never-WAS-a-"niece" lies of 4 years ago, another long fucktarded story of conspiracy to erase me from the planet, yet again. At least the older chirrens remember me, even if I never got to see Jada alive again, and at least THEY know that I never stopped loving them or sending them birfday prezzies, even if SOME people made sure to NEVER let them GET THE DAMNED THINGS. R.J. asked me, "Where've you BEEN?" and in such a setting, all I could tell that brilliant (if spoiled-rotten), gorgeous cafe'-au-lait step-great-nephew (oldest former-niece married the one GOOD guy thus far, a 6'4" electrician who works more jobs than a Jamaican but is all-American {with or without the African hyphenate}!), in such a heartbreaking setting was, "Ask {oldest former niece}, it's been all her doing." He of all 9 years of smartassed wisdom cocks a look at me that said it all, without him having to talk over the senile/alcoholic priest, his big eyes said it all: "You KNOW that you'll have to 'splain that LATER!" Oldest Great-Nephew, the red-headed, tender-hearted genius linebacker, kept shooting the younger sibling dirty looks, jealous 'cause they spent their time around me fighting over who got to sit where when... and it made me smile for the first time in a long time. Even though I loathe children as a rule, these children happen to MATTER. They can be just as annoying, bratty, snotty, etc., as anybody else's kids, but THESE kids are lucky enough to have inherited the glorious brain that *I* had before 4/3/86, and then some, so they'll all be making some hellacious dents in this planet, hopefully all for the better. And yes, the step-kids are counted in there, too, 'cause before the fucktarded fuckover of '08, they had plenty of time WITH me, so nyeh. Genetics my ass. It just means that the blood-kin young'uns are luckier in that they may get to LOOK like me in some way or another.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Sorry to eat-up the bandwidth so much, my friends, but I must repay at least a little of the back-breaking kindness of the ONLY person in the entire fucking STATE of Lousyana who's shown up to help me get over half of my belongings moved on his own strong back:

This dear friend has gone into the "electronic cigarette"/nicotine nebulizer bidness, and believe it or not, has gotten me cut down to TWO-AND-A-HALF PACKS OF SMOKES A WEEK. I shit y'all not. Nope, it's not the same, but it's a damned fine approximation, minus the tar, lung cookies, stinky hair, etc. that comes with the original nicotine-delivery system.

He's saving me a FORTUNE on cigarettes, and yet no one has to die as of yet, as I've not once had to endure a NIC FIT!!! Never thought that y'all would live to see the day, eh? Well hell, even if I don't give a fuck about my bloody sarcoid lungs, I sure as HELL care about SAVING A FORTUNE on the obscene price of tobacco to get AT my nicotine!

Please swing by his joint and have a look, it's literally the very least that I can do to thank him for breaking his back and more sweat than I've ever wanted to see expended on my behalf, if just one of y'all is interested and buys something, I can feel at least SOMEWHAT useful to SOMEONE.

Sorry for the whoring, but thank y'all as always for the love!

Anonymous said...

I've found that a broken heart still beats Annti but there is nothing broken for Jada anymore....just those who loved and miss her. Our love and condolences winging our way to you.


AnnPW said...

Love you Annti/Joanna, so sorry for your loss.

Professor Fate said...

Sorry for you loss seems so little to say but for the life of me I can't come up with anything more profound - again sorry for you loss

Nadine said...

My sweet friend, I'm so sad for the loss of beautiful Jada. I'm positive that her pain is gone and the happiness that was not hers to have in this life is hers now. And karma should give the coward that abused her and her Mom the misery he deserves.
Sending so much love to you.

Nadine said...

As for your eviction, there HAS to be somewhere decent for you in NOLA. I keep holding that hope.

Woodrowfan said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that AC. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

D. Sidhe said...

Oh, no. So, so sorry, Annti. I know that grief, and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I'm just poking my head out of my latest round of crazymeds, and what an awful year it's been for you. I wish we could just take all the pain and trouble from you, but we'll hold you in our thoughts.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Woodrow, dear heart, I know that I'm at least 2 e-mails behind for you, but please don't think that I've forgotten. Despite the wonderment of this emergency 'puter thanks to Realist, AT&motherfuckingT makes DAMNED SURE to fuck me out of my innernet toobs as often as possible, hence the spattering of contact. I can only promise to try harder when I am able to get online. And thank you for your kind words and genuine friendship.

I cannot thank all of y'all enough for your love, except to say that it is one of the few things keeping me tethered to this planet these days. Not in a life-or-death-threat kinda way, just that y'all are what's holding me this side of bouncy-room walls, y'know? Ivan, I know what you mean to say, and I adore you for it. Stacia, glorious one, I feel your compassion, I promise you that. KWillow, you do too much; I know that I sound ungrateful, but you have so much of a life of your own, with all of the pain and anguish that we all battle every day, and yet you worry about the likes of ME. I'll never understand it, but I'll never forget it, either. For anyone who wants to do something, just keep being my friends, that is the best gift that you can give me, the best consolation in the world. The shock has worn off by now, and the full-bore torque of a rapidly-descending Acme safe full of real pain is, as we speak, crashing through me and Wyle E. Coyote simultaneously. I know that Jada is free of this earth, wherever she may be or not be, but when I remember that I last saw her alive at Teh Dick's funeral, TWO YEARS AGO, and then I finally am ALLOWED to see her again, cold-chilled in that fucking box... and knowing that her cold little body is all alone, in that mausoleum wall, too many miles away... I know that she's not afraid, she's not there, she's not in pain, but it rips me in half to think of her being sealed-up behind that marble slab. Babies don't belong in mausoleums, even if they should have been in their last year of kindergarten but never got to grow up into a child, she was still a baby, and is in there, all alone. Stupid and unrealistic, I know, but it crushes me as it did when Nannie and Tater died. At least when Teh Dick died, when HE wanted, no matter who it hurt or how, he was never locked in a box, under dirt or behind a wall. The sickest plumber on earth is now held in an antique porcelain chamber pot. Always with the F.U., day in and day out, even if he is a fancy ashtray. Going to be truncated, but there's more...

Anntichrist S. Coulter said... I was saying, all my love and thanks, Realist, ACrannyMint, KWillow, Debbi, my dearly-beloved Gappy & her unruly Gargoyle, dear kind AnnPW, Professor Fate (do I know you by another nic?), my adorable Nadine the artistic Minx, and the inimitable D. --- m'love, I hope to hell that you never know such pain again, and would do anything in this world to make it so that you never had to see it in the first place. Life has given you far more shit to roll uphill than your average Sisyphus, I'd never wish this kind of pain on anyone short of Darth Cheney and his ball-washer Karl Rove, if they were CAPABLE of actual HUMAN EMOTION.

I love you all, and I thank you, so much, for being here, for being my friends, and for caring for the beautiful, amazing creature called Jada, who was far too good for this world. Wherever she lands next, if she does, she'd damned well better be RUNNING THAT SHIT with the iron will of Molly Ivins, the intelligence & wit of Michelle Obama, the humor and humility if Ann Richards, and the lyrical beauty of Maya Angelou. I saw all of that in her eyes, every rare and precious chance that I had to see her, hold her, talk to her, and try to soothe her through another seizure. You could see all of those amazing women and so much more in those gold-glinting brown eyes, the intelligence, the stubbornness, the undying curiosity and wisdom born of pain and observation. I wish that you had all gotten to know her personally, like Tater, like my Nannie & Papa, then you would've known the best people I've been privileged to love, to share blood with, even if Nannie's was through a surgical transfusion --- she had 2 pints of ME in her to the end.

I know that y'all all would have loved them as the loved me, because good people, no matter how they differ, always draw more good. And my online family, here, @ M.O.B., and other places --- are the best people that it's been my privilege to meet and come to know. Plus my friend Anthony --- seriously, the nicotine fixes WORK, y'all, so I have to plug him again, if y'all don't hate me for mixing such a catastrophic tragedy with a friend's livelihood. --- just look, is all I ask.

Babies are dying all over the world as we speak, every day, every night, year 'round, from mistreatment, abuse, neglect, unsolvable diseases, easily-defeated diseases that win solely for lack of penicillin, etc., which is why I keep the Unicef button on my blog. I just wish to hell that Medicare & the Medicaid that Piyush "Bobby" Jindal is murdering every fucking day could have done as much for Jada. Doctors "tried," as they've "tried" with my spine, but for some reason, she got less actual healing than I will ever see. And at the best Children's Hospital in this part of the country, that's the sandpaper rub. That baby deserved the whole world, dammit. I just hope that she can feel, wherever she may be, if she's within reach, how many people love her, whom she's never even met. In that way, at least, she is a truly lucky spirit of a little girl.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Last one, I promise: for Vosburg, Keith, Mentis & Realist, I am *so* sorry to be so behind on replying to your magnanimous offers of help and compy surgery, you all deserve much better than my sloppy fucktardery. I promise to return your e-mails with appropriate thanks as soon as I can, and can only regret that I had but one computer to fix, for all of your ideas were fabulous, even though Younger Bessie has already been decreed DOA.

But please know that I did read your e-mails, I just lost the ability to answer for a while, and I promise to do that as soon as I can. You have my eternal gratitude and affection for your friendship and your wunnerfully kind offers of help, and I may have to hold all of you to them, sooner or later.

Thank you all, so, so much. Like all of the inimitably wonderful Crappers, your true friendship, kindness, generosity & love will never be forgotten or taken for granted. For all of my bitching and whining and screaming in protest, I know how truly fortunate that I am to have met and made friends with such amazing human beings.