"Robostir. Automatically stirs as you cook! Only $9.99Hmm. I don't know if I like the idea of a Robot spoon. What if it turns against Mary, like some cookware version of HAL and refuses to let her have any soup?
Cooking just got easier with RoboStir(TM), the revolutionary cordless tool that stirs gravies, soups and sauces for you! Simply place RoboStir(TM) in your pan, select one of the three speeds, and let it go."
"iRENW Bracelet. Balance your Body-Balance Your Life Only $19.99Then the doctor who told me, "Take two bracelets and call me in the mourning" was a quack? Uh-oh.
iRenew (R) bracelet may help restore balance, regain strength and renew energy. Simply put it on and feel the difference...This product is not a medical device."
"ZAP AWAY CELLULITE GEL Slim down ugly bulges! $9.99Aside from the simple fact that I sincerely doubt such a thing would actually work, I'm astonished this is an item in a gift catalog. What better way to let someone know what you think of them than a salve that's supposed to slim down unsightly bulges?
Tighten ugly, flabby, dimpled areas on your body! This gel displaces unwanted fat for a slimmer you. Just apply twice daily. Contains peppermint oil and camphor."
"WATERPROOF RABBIT MASSAGER. $29.99"I'm confused - is this a massager that's waterproof, for rabbits -- or is it a massager for waterproof rabbits? Then again I'm not sure Mary even has any rabbits, so maybe I should keep looking.
"RIBBED TOWELS CLEAN UP YOUR KITCHEN FAST Only $9.99"Ribbed for her pleasure.
"SAVE MONEY WITH DRYER BALLS. Our price $5.99"Well there's a consumer tip I've never heard before.
"TALKING TOILET PAPER HOLDER. (Only $9.)Because hearing somebody pounding on the door and yelling, "Are you done yet? What are you doing in there?" isn't annoying enough. Pass.
Record a funny message. Unlimited recordings and convenient on/off switch."
"BACON GENIE- EAT HEALTHY (ONLY $9)And nothing says "Healthy eating" like eating 12 strips of microwave-cooked bacon.
With Bacon Genie(TM), you can cook up to 12 strips of crisp bacon in your microwave with no greasy splatter. Each strip hangs vertically, letting all the fat drip into an easy-clean resevoir."
"MOTION SENSOR OWL. now only $7.99.Ooh, so it's ugly, creepy and annoying!
Would you give a hoot if you saw glowing eyes peering out at you in the darkness? This motion sensor owl does! A built-in motion detector causes it to "hoot' whenever it senses movement."
"REMOVABLE INSTANT EYEBROWS. Only $9.99You can get "Arched" or "Round". Why not get both sets and mix & match?
Replace lost or thinning eyebrows with these instant brows. Simply press the color transfer on with a wet cloth and enjoy natural ooking brows."
"BLUE WALTZ PERFUME. Why pay $26.00. Our price $5.99Yes -- of your grandmother. Or worse, your husband's.
This hard-to-find favorite is back! Subtly sweet and spicy! This popular scent from the 1950's brings back many pleasant memories."
"SQUIRREL CHASERS-Set of 3. Competitor's price $7.99 Our price $6.99.What's it smell like, Blue Waltz? Or maybe dead squirrels.
Now you can keep squirrels away from your garden, bird feeders, plants and house by placing or hanging a squirrel chaser pouch in the area you want to protect. The pouch has a scent that squirrels won't go near"
Hmmm...I'm still having a dickens of a time picking something out. Perhaps I'll let Mary decide for herself. In any case I wish her a belated Happy Birthday!