Sunday, January 24, 2016

Post-Friday Beast-Blogging: Special Guest Cat Edition!

By Hank Parmer

Tales of the Unexpected: Fred's Snowy Soliloquy

Oh, fer cryin' out -- will you look at this mess?

It's freakin' Nashville, dammit! This isn't supposed to happen. A little dusting … maybe a couple of inches that melt away by midday … sure, that I expect. But this?!?

What a revolting development.

I don't care if we Maine Coon Cats have thick belly fur and all sorts of nifty adaptations for this kinda weather, this isn't Maine and it still sucks dead baby bears – on toast! For one thing, I'll get ice dingleberries on my underside and between my toes!

Maybe if I beseech the Cat Goddess, She'll make it go away. What was that name again? “Vast” or “Blast” … something like that … aw, heck, I'll just make it to “Hello Kitty” and see if that does the trick.

Hmm, nothing so far. Could be She's doing something really important, like scratching around in the Heavenly Litter Box or sharpening Her claws on the Sun God's furniture. Or maybe she got chased up a tree by that jackal-headed guy.

Guess I'll do a little grooming while I wait.

I'm waiting …

If you ask me, these ancient Egyptian goddesses are wildly over-rated. Hell with it. I'm going back inside and bug my incompetent humans.

It's probably all their fault, anyway.