In a nutshell, I'm being stalked by the RNC. Here's a look at my email inbox:
Sure, I could just flag all these as spam and be done with it, but most of the letters achieve such a desperate tone that I'm afraid any rejection might drive their authors to do something desperate. For instance, Sara Armstrong, Chief Operating Officer of the RNC is suffering from the delusion that George W. Bush was real, and not a ghost story told around campfires to frighten Cub Scouts. Fortunately, there's a cure for her condition -- robust T-shirt sales -- but thanks to Obamacare it doesn't come cheap.
Resolute and decisive.I'll take "British Warship Names" for 200, Alex.
That’s what I remember when I think of the leadership of President George W. Bush. He led our nation through some of the most challenging moments of our nation’s history.I'll go even further. His leadership made even some of our nation's most mundane moments seem challenging.
He led.Add an "i" to that sentence and I'll agree.
The President we have today thinks our country should “lead from behind” and has significantly diminished the United States’ standing in the world — and worse, he has made us less safe.Worst of all, this President doesn't agree that quotation marks should no longer be used to indicate actual quotes, but instead be sprinkled randomly through a paragraph as decorative "Freedom Dimples."
I miss the leadership of President George W. Bush. And I miss him.I'll say what I always do whenever someone starts mooning over their ex: "You're better off without him."
I had the privilege of serving in his White House, and I saw the character that he and his family provided our nation. I will be forever grateful for their service.Hm, let's check Sara's bio, and see from what lofty perch she observed Bush momentously lead our nation through some of our nation's most challenging moments:
Deputy Chief of Staff Sara Armstrong Director of membership services at the RNC
Her duties including calling anyone who wants to cancel their membership and demanding, "Why is it that you're not wanting to have the No. 1-rated political party with 34% approval rating available?"
Worked at the White House from June 2002 to Jan. 2009. Special Assistant to the President
"Thanks honey, but next time make it two sugars."
and Deputy Chief of Staff to First Lady Laura Bush
"Thanks hon, but next time skip the sugar and add two fingers of Old Crow."
Director of the Visitors Office;
She lovingly made out Jeff Gannon's press pass each day.
Deputy Director of Correspondence for the First Lady
i.e., "Wrote Mrs. Bush's Thank You cards"
Correspondence Analysti.e., "Read the Thank You cards other people sent to Mrs. Bush." Presumably with the First Lady's permission, but judging by the six emails I've gotten from Sara over the last five days, asking if I've read the previous half dozen emails, she is a trifle nosy. Anyway, bona fides established! On with today's pitch:
Tomorrow is President George W. Bush’s Birthday. It’s a moment that has reminded us of what leadership in the White House really looks like.Because real leadership looks like a birthday party? Whenever I feel uncertain about the direction our country is taking, I like to imagine President Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and Condoleeza Rice sitting around a conference table in the Situation Room, wearing festive party hats and looking resolute.
Fortunately, Sara's wistful mood of regret can be assuaged by ordering this "I Miss W" tee:
The perfect compliment to a friend or loved one wearing an "I'm With Stupid" shirt.