Oh well...In the miserable bastard's defense, I will say that the job he's taken on, while temporary, is also an exacting and time-consuming one, and with a single exception, he's been working seven days a week since September 20th. And I ought to know, because that plucky young man is...
Now you know...the rest of the--
Hang on, I'm getting a call from M. Night Shyamalan. I better take this...
Uh-huh...Uh-huh. Right. Yeah. Okay, thanks. Nighty-night, Night! [click!]
Hoo boy, did he read me the riot act. Wow...
Okay. To sum up, I guess I'm not going to try and add a signature twist ending to every blog post, because apparently that way lies madness. And despair. And abysmally, albeit predictably, poor box office receipts. So I guess I'll just press on. What the hell was I talking about...?
Oh, right! Natal anniversaries that come just as the first fingers of frost shyly caress your pumpkins. We've missed a whole bunch of them so far, so let's recap.
Previously, on World O' Crap:
Dr. BDH, Wo'C Chief Medical Office celebrated his birthday on October 4th. I assume some sort of balloon was involved. Possibly a barium punch.
On October 11, Joanna, better known in the blogoworld as Anntichrist S. Coulter, endured her birthday, and it wasn't all that great according to my informants, so please give her a laurel and hearty hand
On October 18, KWillow had a birthday in Superior Court, in and for the County of Los Angeles. In a moments, the results of that birthday.
[Dragnet march. Mug shot of KWillow. Superimposed title: "Convicted of Malicious Kindness and Aggravated Wit. Now serving 3-5 cupcakes, without possibility of profiterole."
Cut to Jack Webb for Fatima cigarettes.]
November 1, the birthday of fellow Hollywoodian Chris Vosburg, the Renaissance Dutchman, known for his encyclopedic knowledge of things you can't find in the encyclopedia. So maybe he can explain THIS:
Look, just leave the skin on, okay? Otherwise you'd have to use some kind of brush-on sealant to keep the meat from falling apart the instant you get it between the buns, and I don't want anybody varnishing my weiner!
On November 2, Zombie Rotten McDonald celebrated his birthday, although I'm not sure you're still entitled to cake and presents after you're dead. Seems like double-dipping to me.
Rather than bake a cake, since I don't know if he has a sweet-tooth, I got a condiment to spice up all his table fare:
And today, November 5, is the actual, I'm-not-late-for-once birthday of Li'l Innocent -- keen observer of feline-anthropoid relations, and illustrator of my all time favorite comic book that I never actually got a chance to buy and slip into a Mylar bag and then sell for an unconscionable mark-up on eBay.
And hey, it's such a nice day out, let's not stay indoors and eat cake and drop clothespins into milk bottles or play Pin the Tail on the Donkey -- let's get out into the fresh air. So to celebrate, I'm taking us all to the racetrack!
Welcome to the 2016 Breeder's Cup. First up, the Juvenile Fillies Turf, for two year olds. In the lead is Santa Baby, followed by Berber From Gerber, with National Arrowroot coming up on the inside!
Come onnnnnn, Santa Baby! Baby needs a new pair of baby booties!
Please accept my apologies for the tardiness, and also this stunning, suitable for framing Sexy Birthday Lizard!
"Drink me in, folks!"
Please join me in wishing a very happy and very belated birthday to Dr. BDH, Anntichrist S. Coulter, KWillow, Chris Vosburg, zombie, Li'l Innocent, and...Me.