By Bill S.
Sure, that enchanted castle in Beauty and the Beast where everything talks, sings, and dances, might seem like a fun place to live...until the first time you need to use the bathroom.
"And every time I walk into the room, this dry erase board magically writes, 'Shave your ballsack!'"
I haven't yet seen the new version of Beauty and the Beast, but I fondly remember the animated version from 1991, and still have the soundtrack with all those memorable musical numbers. One of the best loved is "Be Our Guest", sung by Jerry Orbach as Lumiere the Candlestick. But you may be surprised to learn the song was meant for a different character that was dropped from the film. Fortunately I have the original script.
After greeting the strange variety of talking household objects, Belle, needing to compose herself, enters the the powder room..
"Uh...Do you have a magazine?"
MONSIEUR TOILETTE: Good evening, Mademoiselle!
Belle gasps in surprise. The music swells..
Poop in me, poop in me
Or perhaps you need to pee
When you do your daily business there's a certain guarantee
I'll be here-please don't blush
Any time you need to, flush!
To assist the Master's Beauty
Is my willing, honored duty
And when you're wiping off
I won't giggle, joke or scoff
It will be just as discreet as it can be
You've got a lifetime pass
So go and park your ass
And poop in me, poop in me, poop in me!
But they decided to go a different way with the song. I have no idea why.