Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Jim Henson's Wingnut Babies

Katie Pavlich is another new face -- to me at least, although she's been micro-blogging at Townhall's The Tipsheet ("Breaking News & Analysis From The Townhall Crew") since at least last February, and has appeared on that Greg Gutfield show on Fox...DeadeyeBrowneye?...whatever it's called.  According to her byline, Katie is News Editor, Townhall, so while she may not be a Big Cheese in the world of online punditry, nor -- judging by her fresh and dewy headshot -- a fine old Mold-Ripened Cheese in the Cal Thomas or Bay Buchanan class -- she is nonetheless a coagulated milk-based product to be reckoned with.  So let's get recking.
Romney Still Won't Admit Obama is a Socialist
Time to resort to enhanced interrogation!
If Barack Obama looks like a socialist
...then socialists are tall, handsome dudes with nice pecs.  No wonder they get all the ladies.
 ...walks like a socialist
...a skill he learned from Bill Clinton who, during his time at Oxford, interned at the Ministry of Socialist Walks.  Young Clinton was particularly celebrated amongst his fellow Rhodes Scholars for his ability to execute the classic Emmeline Pankhurst with a double reverse Hubert Bland, and finishing off with a half-Laski -- a highly challenging stride that can occasionally result in a rupture.
...and talks like a socialist
...specifically, George Bernard Shaw, who was also incapable of delivering an epigram without the aid of a teleprompter.  This was a source of some vexation to Shaw, because prior to the development of video technology, speeches were written on player piano rolls, requiring the orator to translate the pattern of punch-holes on the fly.  (Toward the end of his life, however, after addressing the public on countless occasions, Shaw had become so adept at transforming the rapidly scrolling series of perforations into words and sentences that he once boasted, "I don't even see the code anymore," a line which inspired the Wachowskis to write The Matrix.)
...he's probably a socialist.
Oh.  I thought this was going to be one of those "You Might Be a Redneck" jokes.  And I was right.  Zing!  Take that, Katie!
Between his big spending policies to "stimulate the economy," the government take over of healthcare through ObamaCare, his "spread the wealth around comments," 
His "not quite knowing how to use quotation marks"...
his constant class warfare rhetoric and his desire to be more like Europe
TEACHER:  So, Barry, would you like to be President of the United States some day?

YOUNG OBAMA:  Actually Ma'm, when I grow up, I want to be a continent.

TEACHER:  North America?

YOUNG OBAMA:  No, America has too much gun violence and venereal disease.  I was hoping for something with a rational health care system, high speed rail, and more casual toplessness on TV.
 it's fair to say Barack Obama is in fact a socialist. 
Just as fair as it is to say that you are in fact a "News Editor."
But, despite all the evidence, GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney is unwilling for the second time this year, to classify Obamaas such.
I'm sure he would have, Katie, but there's just no room in the budget for classification purposes after the GOP pushed through the Bush taxonomy cuts.

You know, I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way.  Then just fucking kill yourself now, and avoid the rush.


Doghouse Riley said...

Well, for starters, if "stimulating the economy" equals The Socialisms, then the only non-socialists on the Republican campaign trail, or in Washington, are the ones demanding an immediate end to the Federal Reserve System.

Say, when did "watching Bill O'Reilly" and "finally getting your GED" become equivalents?

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Browneye for the FAUX guy.

heydave said...

YOUNG OBAMA: Actually Ma'm, when I grow up, I want to be a continent.

Funny, When asked the same question, I bet Katie replied "I want to be incontinent."

Dr.BDH said...

Clicking over,I see she was channelling Bill O'Reilly. You know, it's OK not to have any original ideas of your own, but when your choice of source is Bill O'Reilly, you'd be better off just smearing feces on the page and calling it done.

Anonymous said...

Aren't all of Obama's policies socialist because Bernie Sanders votes for them ? They're certainly bi-partisan !

TBP said...

I've made the Obama/socialist thing a discriminator (I think that's the right word). I simply won't have a political discussion with anyone who thinks the president is a socialist. They don't just disagree with me, they're not grounded in reality. LIkewise I don't talk politics with anyone who claims that Mr. Obama was born in Kenya, or is a secret Muslim. There's just no point.

Carl said...

His "not quite knowing how to use quotation marks"...

Aw, play nice, Scott! She's quoting the little-noticed Bulgarian speech where he railed for four hours about the "poor commentariat". Clearly, Sippy Cupp's dumber sister here read the transcript.

Chris Vosburg said...

"Socialist" is, in the hands of wingnuts, a semantic null. It simply sounds more grownup than "poopyhead", but for them it is the same.

As Jon Stewart pointed out after Eric Bolling, one of the Fox News Anchor-Babies, called Warren Buffett-- so help me, Warren Buffett-- a socialist, "you really have no fucking clue what socialism is, do ya?"

Cole said...

I know, right?

After breeding a generation or so of absolutely ignorant fucks and then inflating their egos and killing their empathy with years of reality tv clowns, melodrama cliches, and MTV stereotypes, it's a wonder wingnuts are such angry critics of public education and the entertainment industry.

Both seem to have made the art of propaganda so much easier for the puppet masters.

toones said...

I think it is actually :
"News" "Editor"

No ?

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Scott, dear heart, I've avoided this piece thus far because I knew that the title could bode no good.

And thus I was right. Not about YOUR writing, obviously, but about this abomination against all logic, the English language, every dictionary & thesaurus ever printed, the U.S. Constitution & Federalist Papers, and plain ol' common fucking sense.

But to sully the memory of Henson, even by the vaguest association with this idiotic republicunt fucktard, that, dear heart, is far, far beyond the pale, even the pale and paltry pallor of this illiterate cunt. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

(And yes, I know that I insult ACTUAL cunts by association with a waste of estrogen like this fucktard, but dammit, sometimes the right word is just the right fucking word.)

not a gator said...

so while she may not be a Big Cheese in the world of online punditry, nor -- judging by her fresh and dewy headshot -- a fine old Mold-Ripened Cheese in the Cal Thomas or Bay Buchanan class -- she is nonetheless a coagulated milk-based product to be reckoned with.

Bravo! Author, author!