INFLATABLE SALAD BAR (only $19.99) "Quick and easy Entertaining...Simply inflate, fill with ice...and enjoy!"
The perfect thing for those hot summer days when you're hungry but don't feel like getting out of the pool.
PILLOW PETS (Why pay $25.00? Only $19.99) "As seen on TV...This huggable stuffed animal opens to a soft chenille pillow when you unfasten its tummy"
Let's see a LIVE pet do that! And it's a much better gift than Pilowpants, that's for sure.
CELEBRATE THE ROYAL WEDDING! "Share in one of the most anticipated weddings of the century between Prince William and Kate Middleton with the Royal Heirloom Ring -- the same engagement ring Princess Diana wore! This limited edition replica glitters with a simulated Ceylon sapphire (3 carats) surrounded by fourteen brilliant, simulated diamonds (1.26 carats) and is layered in sterling silver. Includes certificate of authenticity and a velveteen box" ($19.99)
A certificate of authenticity to verify that it is, indeed, a cheap knockoff? Well, I suppose it would come in handy if you're visiting the Royal Family and don't want to be mistaken for a thief.
THE 30-SECOND "HAIR TRANSPLANT" (Why pay $66.00? Only $19.99) "Simply shake TOPPIK (TM) over your thinning hair and thousands of tiny color-matched fibers (made of the same Keratin protein as your own hair) will bond to your hair for a natural-looking thickness and fullness until you shampoo it out"
or until it rains, or you begin to sweat.
"Specify color on order: black, dark brown, medium brown, light brown or grey."
So, if you're a blonde or a redhead, I guess you're screwed...but if you're so desperate to hide the fact that you're balding that you're willing to use this product, I guess you're screwed anyway.
FLATTERING BATIK DRESS (As low as $19.99)
Flattering, perhaps, but on whom? They look like something Mrs. Roper might wear to do her gardening.
LADIES CROSS WATCH (Only $9.99)
It's a cross between something gaudy & ugly, and something impractical & uncomfortable.
GIGGLING HAPPY PILL "Squeeze your Giggling Happy Pill when you need a lift! This happy pill 'Plush' proves laughter is truly the best medicine. Use as often as needed! Ages 3+."
Because what three year old DOESN'T want to play with a plushy amphetamine?
"Plush bursts with uncontrollable laughter!"
As will you, when you see what this squeeze toy looks like.
"Louis B. Mayer gave me to Judy Garland, instead of a Teddy Bear!"
"Squeeze me, and I release thousands of tiny time pills -- of madness!"
(Only $7.00) Is that all? I think we have a winner!
Happy Birthday, Mary! Hope the day's Extra Super Special!