Thursday, March 28, 2013

Honey, Where Do We Keep the Locusts?

Since Mary and I live in a fairly Jewish neighborhood, it's easy to nip down to our corner grocery and stock up on all those essential Passover party favors:
Just imagine the hours of fun you can have, collecting all Ten Plagues!
"I'll trade you my Sticky Hand with Boils for your Death of Firstborn."

"Throw in some Blood and Lice, and you got a deal!"

15 comments:

Weldon "Uncle Manny" Berger said...

I can get these for you wholesale.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Frogs aren't so bad when you think about it.
~

Chris Vosburg said...

Wait, hail is a plague?

You know, if someone had described this product to me, I would have assumed that they were doing stand up comedy, and laughed and laughed, but since learning this product actually exists, I'm just sort of dumbfounded. God that's bizarre.

Reviews at the Amazon page are a hoot, consisting of dissatisfied jews complaining that the merchandise is cheap and shoddy, and besides, the portions are so small.

Weird Dave said...

Wait, hail is a plague?

Well, when you include some fire along with it.

Chris Vosburg said...

Ah, thanks Dave, that is sort of plaguey.

Wait, isn't it the case that hail melted by fire is simply...

Oh, no, no, no, not goin' there, okay, God, sure, man, whatever.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Damn, us atheists miss out on ALL of the fun holidays! I *never* get any toy plagues!

Kordo said...

Yah, I didn't realize Passover was celebrated quite this bluntly. Several failed attempts to impart the Christian faith to me all glossed over the whole blood-lice-&-dead babies aspect; tended to emphasize the frogs, really.

Not this toy. PLAGUES, heathen bitches! Blood Frogs and Cattle Plague. Ten Plagues! count 'em! Then we gets our dead baby on, yay-uh...

Also, our God is omnipotent and all-powerful and needs cash really, really badly.

When I first saw Cattle Plague, I thought it was a plague of cows. Like, the Egyptians woke up one morning and there were cows just fuckin' everywhere. Blocking traffic, shitting everywhere.

Then I saw it was just some skin thing, and only on the cows. Did the Egyptians especially value clear-complexioned cows? Doesn't seem like much of a plague otherwise...

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Kordo, back then, before the advent of modern medicine/veterinarians, Cattle Plague & cowpox were probably just as capable of eviscerating a herd as hoof-and-mouth disease. (Was that in "HUD" or "GIANT"??? Mebbe "Cool Hand Luke"?)

At any rate, a bad infestation of horseflies could really fuck-up your year's food supply, so imagine what a PLAGUE could do to those hoofed fast food doods...

Stacia said...

I would buy a bag of plagues.

I would not pay $19.99 for a bag of plagues.

heydave said...

Darkness?

What, again?

Kordo said...

AS Coulter-

Now that seems plaguey.

I'm a bit disappointed at the lack of courage shown by the design team. All the other plagues are fairly straightforward symbols, Frogs-frogs, Boils-sticky hand with boils. When they got to Death of Firstborn, they pussed out. Throw in a few dead plastic babies and even if the Passover sales tank, the Goth kids will scoop 'em up.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Hell, Miss Poppy could hook you up with all of the dead unborn that you ever wanted! They just chintzed-out on this one.

M. Bouffant said...

By corner grocery, do you mean R&R Ralphs? 'Cause the day after Passover (Weds., I think) I'm there at the discounted Passover goods/day-old bread rack near the restrooms.

tony in san diego said...

maybe they could include a snowflake baby, and the kids could thaw it out! for the 10th plague.

Carl said...

I'm shocked it doesn't come with a coupon for an abortion, those Satanist Christ-killers...