Satan takes all praise and glory from Redeemer Christ for all honor and esteem granted Hubbard and his wild spheres of inner ascendancy. Hubbard, in other words, espouses the teachings of Satan as Lucifer - the Angel of Light. Hubbard presents the evil one as the gospel of the inner understanding.
Satan appears in gross state in order to lead mortals astray, away from Savior Christ.
[...]Cruise, like many other famous individuals, particularly actors, furthers the cult of Scientology as Satan uses this means by which to direct eternal souls away from Christ to Hubbard.
And some British entertainment writers took this to mean that the Pastor was saying that Tom Cruise works for the devil (which was indeed what the Pastor was saying, but, you know, he also mentioned how Tom was leading Katie Holmes to hell too).
Now we know that Tom Cruise is a little crazy and maybe slightly evil (check that grin) but not one of Satan’s little helpers surely?
Pastor J. Grant Swank Jr has written on the PostChronicle website: [...] “Cruise, like many other famous individuals, particularly actors, furthers the cult of Scientology as Satan uses this means by which to direct eternal souls away from Christ to Hubbard.”
Harsh….He will be suggesting that they all be burned next...
Anyone remember the long-horned red-skinned bad guy Tom Cruise had to fight in the very old fairy-infused movie Legend? If not, we'll fill you in: it was basically the devil, and he wanted to kill all the unicorns, even the good ones.He was no gentleman, that devil. And it seems that before he was defeated by sunlight reflected off of several shields (remember that should you ever find yourself at the wrong end of a fiery pitchfork), he got his long black claws into Tom Cruise.
Or so claims one American pastor anyway. And when was the last time an American pastor lied to us? Now that we see only truth can usually flow through those holy lips... one of them is saying that Tom Cruise serves Beelzebub!
Yes, Pastor Swank is going to be hired by US Weekly, People, or one of the British tabloids (which one features the boobs o' the day? I think he'd do well at that one) to write celebrity news -- and we'll be Swankless.
So, let's enjoy him while we can.
Yeah, apparently the Pastor didn't read TBogg's "Cellphones of Mass Destruction" or Crooks and Liars' "We’re all (Paranoid, Imbalanced) Homeland Security Agents now." He had a column to write, and couldn't be bothered to do any fact checking -- so sue him! (And sue Michelle Malkin while you're at it.)
Not everybody uses a cell phone to chat with a friend. Some buy a cell phone to blow up a building.
And some buy a cell phone to keep in touch with overseas relatives. And some others buy a cell phone to destroy Western civilization. Cell phones are versatile that way.
That's why US President George W. Bush is surveying the country for those who ill-use legitimate items.
So if you are ill-using legitmate items like, say, hand lotion and the Victoria's Secret catalog, then beware! President Bush is surveying the country for you!
He wants to protect the nation from Islamic killers international, otherwise known as "militantS" or "terrorists" or "insurgents." But in this article, they are called who they are-Muslim murderers global.
Sure, some folks call them "Islamic killers international," but let's refer to them as "Muslim murders global," because those people who use that first term are just plain crazy!
In Amerca, various retailers have contacted police when noting large quantities of cell phones bought at one sweep by one gent or several gents with sloped shoulders in a subtle "sabotage mode."
Sloped shoulders mean that a person is in "sabotage mode"? Gee, the things you learn in a Swank column!
No wonder Mr. Bush and colleagues speak in code language to the American public when it comes to outwitting the enemy.
So, when the President said that "we illegalized whisky," he was using code language to outwit the enemy? Now I get it!
Then the Democrats climb into the act to accuse the President of being irreponsible and uncaring. So once again the Democrats give the enemy the shove forward.
The Democrats accuse the President of being uncaring because he speaks in code? The Bastards!
(Oh, and shoving the enemy sounds like a good thing, but I guess since the Democrats did it, it isn't.)
Anyway, because Muslims are buying cell phones, it's time for drastic action -- we need to jail or deport them, to keep them from buying products which can be mis-used to blow up stuff. But first, we need to execute MacGyver, as an example to the all product mis-users.
In other words, Muslim murderers global are on the take in the United States. It will never again be living per usual. It is henceforth confronting the enemy and jailing him or deporting him. That's why all the more no more Muslims enter the country; those Muslims here must be investigated-including the white collar workers such as professors.
And that's basically it for this column. But be sure to join Pastor Swank next time, when his NY Post column gives us the scoop on how Angelina and Brad's womb baby is part of Satan's plan to make Jennifer Aniston feel bad, and how Elton John's homo nups were designed to aid the Murderers Muslim Global to destroy our Judeo-Christian faith in Christmas.