You may remember World O' Crap Mystery Correspondent "Wally" from this post on alleged lifeform Ted Nugent. Well, he's back (Wally, that is, not Ted), this time with an advice column, which we're hoping will become a regular feature around here because frankly, the Washington Post's Carolyn Hax just ain't cutting it.
I'm having a heck of a time personalizing and organizing the personal organization apps on my smartphone.
I'm also having problems with “butt-dialing” people with whom I'm not acquainted.
What would you suggest?
Gobsmaked in Galveston
I suggest you check the yellow pages for assisted living facilities near you specializing in focused care for the technically spare. You'll be doing yourself and your friends (not to mention wrong numbers) a big favor.
Tough it out son,
My doctor prescribed a new antidepressant a month ago and I've been feeling terrific.
My problem – I feel so enlightened that at times feel guilty at work or at home. Everyone, including my wife and kids seems to act like they are sedated.
What do you think?
Elevated in Elk Grove
You most likely grew up in an environment that instilled guilt for feeling good about feeling good about yourself.
Wally suggests you travel to the nearest red-light district in a metropolitan area nearby. Seek out a scummy dive bar, belly up and get stinking pissed. After you are rolled by prostitutes and wake up in a ditch with no money, no watch and an Anacin anvil pounding your head you will feel quintessentially horrible. As a result you will fit in more at home with your family and also with co-workers.
Don't forget to double-up on the dose of your antidepressant before venturing out as it will provide a more energizing motif to your adventure.
I've had a microchip installed in my brain by Darrel F. Zanuck since the mid-seventies. Since then I've been living on people's door-stoops and begging for food.
I'm getting tired of being homeless. That's why I'm writing to you, Wally. I know you can help.
Fubar in Flemington
Is your microchip equipped with TC/ICP and internet access? There are plenty of public spaces equipped with wi-fi in Flemington and surely you could take advantage of technology to get you pointed to a comeback situation.
Just stay on the bus until you hit the sweet spots. The microchip ought to vibrate somewhat if you hit a resonant frequency. Wally knows, my chip was installed back in the late 50s.
Cleaver's first born
Wally wants to help. Send your questions to “WallyRollsOnShabbos@gmail.com” and clearly state your question in the subject line.