Tuesday, July 17, 2012

This Post Made of 80% Recycled Joseph Farah

Joseph Farah is probably best known for two things:  1) climaxing his print media career by becoming Editor of the Sacramento Union and promptly auguring it into the ground like a suicidal crop duster, and 2) continuing to flog Birtherism as though he were selling patent nostrums from the back of a gaily painted frontier wagon.  But what you probably don't know about Joseph is his secret heartache, for he has lived a bitter, lonely life in the shadow of his mustache, ever since it first achieved fame with the publication of its 1961 book, Suspiciously Black Like Me.

Still, occasionally a smile-like rictus will peep out from beneath that schwarzwald that sprawls like Manifest Destiny between his nasal-labial folds, and Joe will rouse himself to explain that fascism is actually socialism, which means that Obama is not the legitimate President of the United States, but really just a kind of miniature broccoli.
Benito Obama or Obamalini?
Liberals won’t like this column.
No?  I think you've seriously underestimated our yen for a good chortle.
But they should read it.
Because they keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

Maybe they’ll learn something.
Like the proper use of serial, single-sentence paragraphs.
Liberals and “progressives” loved Benito Mussolini, the Italian dictator
It's true.  Both Jane Addams and Ida Tarbell had his poster on their bedroom walls (the really soulful one, with the open shirt and the tambourine), and to this day, that issue of The Masses with the "Win a Dream Date With Benito!" cover story remains their top seller.
who achieved power as a socialist and delivered on his promise in the form of fascism.
A clear case of false advertising.  It kinda reminds me of when George W. Bush achieved power as a "compassionate conservative" and delivered on his promise in the form of an unprovoked war, in that in each case I was tempted to contact the Better Business Bureau.
His political maneuvering proved an inspiration to a younger German protégé by the name of Adolf Hitler – who allied with Mussolini in a bid to conquer all of Europe and much of the rest of the world.
Hitler was the reckless young hothead, a loose cannon who didn't play by the rules.  Mussolini was the gruff old by-the-book veteran who took the rookie under his wing, and then, tragically, was shot and hung upside down from a meathook when he was just three days from retirement.
Today, liberals hurl the “fascist” expletive around at people like me – freedom lovers, those who value individual freedom, personal responsibility and self-government.
Admittedly, a search of "Joseph Farah+fascist" coughs up pages and pages of hits; however, nearly every single one is an example of Joseph Farah calling someone else a fascist -- usually Obama, or the homosexuals, or the Muslims.  But I was surprised to learn just how long Joe has been working this angle, because it turns out that he beat Jonah Goldberg to the sophism by nearly a decade, writing in 1999 that if "Communism is Fascism with a human face, then Liberal Fascism is Communism with an unnaturally dark mustache" (I'm paraphrasing).  Anyway, here's a prophetic selection from the first page of search results Google returned:
I've believed for some time now that the greatest threat to America's freedoms is not from socialism or communism but rather an "ism" you seldom hear much about these days -- fascism.  [...]
It is in wide practice today in what we call Communist China. Beijing has not achieved communism. And instead of moving toward the Marxist-Leninist goal, it is moving steadily toward fascism -- a hideous blend of state and private partnership. And guess what? The United States is moving in the same direction. Every time you hear Bill Clinton or one of his fellow travelers talk about "public-private partnerships" I want you to understand what they are talking about -- fascism, pure and simple. Is it any wonder Clinton gets along so well with his buddies in Beijing? Think of how Rome, Berlin and Tokyo matched up so well in 1939.
So basically, Farah has been writing this same column for at least 13 years, just periodically replacing the proper names (Clinton, Obama, Van Jones), in a parlor game I guess you could call Mad Libs-eral Fascism.
But back in the 1930s, Mussolini was their darling. If you doubt me, take the time to read Jonah Goldberg’s seminal study of the subject, “Liberal Fascism.”
Now available in the WND Superstore for $19.57, discounted from $27.95!  That's a savings of eight dollars and thirty-eight cents, or less than a penny per unretracted historical error!
The definition of fascism is quite simple: “a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry and commerce.” It sometimes encourages racism.

Sound familiar?
Yes, it sounds like the definition from Dictionary.com: "a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism."

Given the content at WND, I can see why Joe trimmed that awkward part about fascism "emphasizing an aggressive nationalism," although it's nice that he allowed the mention of racism to make the cut, after changing "emphasizing" and "aggressive" to "sometimes encourages," because if there's one thing references to the Holocaust so often lack, it's nuance.
We have a modern-day practitioner of fascism in Barack Obama.
Which is weird, because According to JimJoe, our last modern-day practitioner of fascism was also a Democratic president -- the previous one, in fact.  If this is some kind of prank, it's super well-coordinated, kind of like when you have a substitute teacher, and everybody in class drops their pencil at exactly 2:17.
We should really call him Benito Obama – or maybe just Obamalini.
I don't want to get in an argument with Joe, but personally I love Obamalini.  In a white clam sauce, with a nice Pinot Grigio?  Yum.

Obama fits the bill:
  • He has appointed a record number of “czars” to implement his aggressive, top-down management style. “Czar” is the Russian form of the Caesar, which is where Mussolini got his inspiration for fascism – ancient Rome.
Even more damning, "Kaiser" is the German form of Caesar, although the Holy Roman Empire got it's inspiration from Ro-Man, the title character of the 1953 film, Robot Monster, leading Voltaire to sardonically note that the Holy Roman Empire "was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire, but primarily just a guy in a gorilla suit and a crash helmet."
  • He has flouted the Constitution by assuming sweeping powers not only unassociated with the office of the presidency but strictly forbidden the occupant of the White House.
Among them, Super Breath, and the power to telepathically control squid.
  • He has ruthlessly suppressed and demonized his opposition – defined by his administration as liberty lovers and Americans who take the Constitution literally.
 Well, you're one of those people, Joe, and yet here you are, chattering away. Which makes me suspect that Obama's suppression may have a bit more ruth than you suspect.
  • And most of all he has regimented industry and commerce – wheeling and dealing in ways that extorts special favors by bestowing special favors in a way that would make Mussolini blush.
He extorts special favors by bestowing special favors.  Sounds very similar to what Anthony Zerbe tried to do in KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park:  "He created KISS to destroy KISS...and he lost."
Mussolini was known reverentially by his supporters as il duce, which means dictator.
Well, it more closely translates as "leader," which is weird, because you'd think if anyone would know that Italian for "dictator" is "dittatore," it'd be Italians.  But you know how sometimes you can't quite think of a word -- I mean, it's right there on the tip of your tongue, and you've almost got it, but then suddenly there's a plump guy on a balcony, and you find yourself shouting out the first thing that comes to your mind?  That was pretty much Fascist Italy between 1922 and 1943.  Mussolini is just lucky he didn't wind up being known reverentially by his supporters as "Pimento" or "Shoehorn."
Obama, too, is worshiped by many of his supporters – mostly members of the controlled corporate media, which understands the way to seek favor in a fascist society.
Grow a big dictatory mustache and vie for either John Stossel or Geraldo Rivera's job at Fox News.
But the similarities hardly end there.

More and more, I am noticing some physical traits of Obama that remind me of Mussolini.

Have you noticed the posturing, the affectations, the attitudinizing?
Joe helpfully offers some Compare 'n Contrast visual aids, but just so you don't feel obligated to get out of the boat, here's the first pair:

Obama seen recreating the Black Shirts' familiar "We Totally Creamed Ethiopia! High Five!" salute.

Mussolini whipping crowds of Fascists into an adoring frenzy with his signature "I Could'a Had a V-8!" gesture.

You know, this is uncanny. It's like that Groucho/Harpo mirror routine from Duck Soup.  Let me try one...
Make no mistake about what we are seeing in America today. It is not liberalism, in the traditional sense, the Jeffersonian sense. It is a mean-spirited, vicious, hateful, vengeful and dangerous form of fascism in its infancy. It’s not even “left-wing communism,” which V.I. Lenin described as “an infantile disorder.” 
So our infantile form is not a disorder?  That's a relief.  "Congratulations, Mrs. America! You've given birth to a healthy, 6 pound, 8 ounce baby fascism.  He's a little mean-spirited, vicious, hateful, vengeful and dangerous, but that's perfectly normal in a newborn, and probably just caused by colic, or powerful Negroes."
If Obama wins re-election in 2012, there will be no stopping him or his fascist ideology – replete with its own form of anti-white racism. 
This kind of thinking is exactly why we're leaving our children and grandchildren an unbearable burden of debt -- Obama is spending tax dollars developing a proprietary form of anti-white racism, when he could just as easily have taken the regular Open Source racism available at WND or RenewAmerica, and just had some nerd tweak the code, or download one of those "mods" that geeks use to make Lara Croft spelunk in the nude.
It will be war. Obama and his minions will know no limits to their ambitions. They will have nothing to lose with four more years of power – and perhaps more given their contempt for the Constitution and the law. Their enemies will be persecuted – hunted down like dogs. 
I've never really understood this phrase.  Is hunting dogs a thing in this country?  I always thought if you were hunting, the dog was more likely to be on your side.  Unless Farah's thesis is that following an Obama victory at the polls, dissenters will be individually gunned down by Atticus Finch, in which case I would urge Joe to relax, because that dude's gotta be really old by now, and if he's going alphabetically, it could be years before he works his way to the Fs.
 This is the way it always begins. 
Well, it usually begins with an announcement that the use of recording equipment or flash photography is strictly prohibited, and then sometimes there's an overture.
History is repeating itself.
Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
Which, coincidentally, is also fate of those who can't be bothered to come up with a fresh idea for a column.


Carl said...

Lemme get this straight: Mussolini was nominally a member of the Socialist party for TWO FUCKING YEARS (1912-1914) but somehow that made him a more committed socialist than a fascist, which he was for the rest of his life? I mean, the dude CREATED fascism!

So I'm guessing, by this logic, Ronald Reagan was a liberal democratic socialist because he was a Democrat AND president of SAG?


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

The less I hear about the Doughy Pantload and semen, the better.

Bogie said...

Sounds like Joseph's tinfoil hat has a leak in it. Is there a way we can all send him a new hat?

Anonymous said...

I watched amused the flaming wreckage of the Union as it did its crash and burn. It ended its days being printed in a small warehouse to the dozens who still cared enough to have a subscription. The site the newspaper originally occupied has been nothing more than a hole in the ground for years. When Farah does a job of destruction, it's done good and proper.

Li'l Innocent said...

'... although the Holy Roman Empire got it's inspiration from Ro-Man, the title character of the 1953 film, Robot Monster, leading Voltaire to sardonically note that the Holy Roman Empire "was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire, but primarily just a guy in a gorilla suit and a crash helmet." '

Well, even Voltaire nods. That was a good old-fashioned diving helmet on Ro-Man. I had to goog it, not having seen the movie since it first blazed across the mid-century firmament and was exposed to the cruel jeering of me and my fellow 9 and 10-year-old cineastes in North Bergen, New Jersey one Saturday matinee. I had remembered it as a big goldfish bowl, but I nod too. Too many blazing firmaments, probably.

Kathy said...

Farrah is like on of the characters in fiction (and real life too) who can't remember what happened before this morning. So to him every column insisting the US is on the Road To Fascism because Democrats! is a profound insight. Every day he reads Doughy Loadpants' Magnum O'Piss and has to run around telling everyone what a great book it is! He never notces that he's aging, his inked on Grouchostash fading....

Hamish Mack said...

Musso's hand signal there is your actual Olde Tyme Roman Oratory Gesture.
Whilst Farah is a raving loony who should not be left alone with anything more dangerous with a drinking straw, he does tap into widespread fears about the militarisation of American society. I think we should look beyond the fevered imaginings of Brat Farah and realise that any government that wants to get jiggy with fascism in America doesn't have so far to go, now and would have a considerable amount of backing from the right. And I dare say Farah would be pants wettingly excited to be a foot soldier for freedom and beating on the untermenschen.

Anonymous said...

Farah says the president is targeting him with drones: http://thedailywh.at/2012/07/09/say-what-now-of-the-day-54