Thursday, September 5, 2013

Happy Birthday, D.Sidhe!

Today is the natal anniversary of revered veteran Crapper D.Sidhe, a date which also signals the end of the High Post-Partum Holidays here at Wo'C (three major birthdays in a single week!), which we celebrate in the ancient tradition by piercing our genitals, blowing on a conch shell, and cutting a trailer for a fake movie starring cats.

Interested studio executives may feel free to contact my management.

I probably don't have to tell you guys how much we love D.Sidhe around here, and since she's a self-effacing soul who would likely be embarrassed by the kind of fulsome praise I'm fully capable of after a glass of wine and a Vicodin, I'll content myself by simply saying that s.z. had it right when she called her a "sharp cookie," and also I admire both her candle collection, and the fact that she has enough armadillo-related stories that she can actually pick a favorite:
My best Xenarthrid story: I own a candle in the shape of an armadillo with a glossy shellac coating that is the exact color of a flaccid Caucasian penis. It reminds me of Dr Mike.
Which brings us to another venerable custom, one which canny trendspotter Doc Logan correctly predicted would become the lingua franca of the future: the Sexy Birthday Lizard.  Now, we usually try to Think of the Children and keep these presentations as PG-13 as possible, but with contraception and sex education under fire in our nation's schools, kids today probably don't even learn about the birds and the bees, let alone the sexy, sexy lizards, so we decided to go all out this year in hopes of sparking a frank and open discussion, and ultimately bridging the Generation Gap.

Parental discretion is advised.
Happy birthday, D.Sihe!


Carl said...

Wow! You must really like D. to post lizard porn!

Happy birthday, D!

Smut Clyde said...

piercing our genitals, blowing on a conch shell

Feck, I got it wrong again. Can I offer anyone a pierced conch shell?

Happy birthday D.Sidhe!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Flaccid Caucasian Penis: responsible for so many wars.

AnnPW said...

Ah, Dr. Mike and his flaccid pistol, er, penis! Such a grand target of some of the best snarkery to ever flit across the internet!


Scott, hope you and Mary are feeling better....

Doc Logan said...

A very happy birthday to D.Sidhe, and may there be many more SBLs to come!

Whatever horrid microorganism that has commandeered the bodies of Scott and Mary must be like the parasites that inhabited Fry in "Futurama", allowing the host to do amazing things. The Lois Lane supercut would have been enough, but the Moondoggie/Riley trailer is fantastic. Natural born movie stars, I tell ya!

maryclev said...

The critics RAVE about
Buried Alive:

“A stunning achievement in film. Everybody in the industry can just go home now, “Buried Alive” is the very apex of movie making, and will never be topped.”-The Ghost of Pauline Kael~

"I will murder anybody who doesn’t like this film; for free; even though I could only watch half of it"-Mr.Richard Harrow

"I thought this was a movie about CATS, not a documentary about Cat Fancy! There’s no way this can be shown at NY Fashion Week."-Michael Kors, very confused right now. We Blame the self tanning fumes.

D. Sidhe said...

Between the video and the SBL, I have a near irresistible urge to rub some bellies. My cats blame you in advance.

I think it's the way the green lizard is chewing on the red lizard's neck. Although in retrospect, there may be kind of a vampire thing going on. Vampire lizards! Someone call Syfy!

Thanks for the birthday wishes, gang. It's nice to be loved. And nicer to be spared Ann Coulter.

Li'l Innocent said...

Happy ComingIntotheWorldDay, D! You'll be interested to know that our eldest cat just walked on the keyboard and inserted the number 666 (I'm not making this up) into the above run-on sentiment. Not being up on the true meaning of the Apocalypse of John the Evangelist, I took it out, and if it was a secret cat-message to signal the moment when the Sexy Lizards can be summoned to make all our lives much better, well, what can I say?

Scott, the felinopic reminds me of some of the 1960s experimental shorts I saw at the old Bleecker Street Cinema back in Yore. With the right Japanese narration, man...

Scott said...

(SNAPS FINGERS) Japanese narration! I knew there was something missing! Thanks, Li'l. I'll add a second audio track on my next attempt (and as this was an experiment, I take the fact that it reminded you of experimental films as a win).

Doc Logan said...

It's nice to be loved. And nicer to be spared Ann Coulter.

Ann Coulter, the Very, Very, Very Not Sexy Birthday Lizard.

M. Bouffant said...

Happy happy to the sharpest cookie in the bag, hope all is well & stays that way.

OT, Happy New Yr. to everybody.

grouchomarxist said...

I can well believe "Buried Alive" is destined for greatness. It's got everything: Drama! Laughter! Tears! Suspense! A torrid fable for our times, with an epic sweep! An honest story of working class people! It dares to rip the warm, snuggly comforter off the bed, exposing the twisted passions simmering just beneath the quilting!

And it got a no-opposable-thumb's up from Pyewacket. That's good enough for me.

As for the iguana pix, it certainly puts those lizard-wrestling bouts in all those cheap dinosaur flicks in a different light. Who knew Bert I. Gordon was a budding pornographer?

Of course, the breakthrough sexy lizard movie was 1967's "I Am Curious Yellow ... Blue ... Forest Green ... Then a Sort of Mauve ... Then a MacGregor Tartan", produced by a box of Swedish chameleons.

Happy Birthday, D Sidhe!

I gotta say, though, that although armadillos are rather cool, it has been a distinctly weird development to see them here now in Middle Tennessee, in my urban environs.

Scott said...

Armadillos are migrating north to Tennessee, gm? I presume they come with a song in their heart (and leprosy in their liver) and a dream of making it big in the New Country music scene? I think this could make for a MAJOR motion picture, an edgy updating of Robert Altman's improvisatory Nashville (1975) with subtle undertones of Irwin Allen's meditative killer bee epic, The Swarm (1978).

Anonymous said...

I missed D's party ? Dangnabbit !
(copyright Yosemite Sam) - always wanted to say it.
Hope you had a blast, D - one of the sharpest, snarkiest gherkins in the potato salad.
Have a good year and pop in more frequently, y'hear ? (Ooo, another Americanism). I'm really rolling them out tonight.Hee.
Sexy Birthday Lizards are the new Bieber, right? Enjoy.

grouchomarxist said...

Funny you should mention that, Scott. I've been working on this screenplay ...

I figure on casting Fred Thompson for the Richard Widmark role:

"Ahm fixin' to be the first officer in U.S. battle history to get his butt kicked by a passel of 'dillos!"

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, D. Sidhe! May the coming year bring you peace, love, happiness, good health and buckets of moolah!

~The Minx~

Weird Dave said...

Happy Natal Anniversary Ms. Sidhe.
Here's hoping the zombies were in a partying mood.

As I've said before...and especially to our host and hostess. Cipro is serious stuff in many ways so do get well and off that shit soon.

Oh, and, Based on a True Story may possibly be my favorite phrase in the English language.

acrannymint said...

Does the bloggess know about those lizards?
In any case Happy belated B'day

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Happy Rosh Hashanah to you, too, Bouffant --- a very kind old college friend sent me a goody box from ZABAR'S to mark the occasion! I wish that I could send D. Sidhe these goodies (well, the freshly-store-bought-and-shipped ones, I mean, not my sloppy seconds!), because EVERYBODY deserves a foodgasm on their birfday!!!

As always, so sorry to be so fucking LATE to the good wishes (but since I'm still THE THREAD-KILLER... duh-duh-DUUHHNNN!!!'s only fitting that I show up last, n'est-ce pas?), but I hope that you know, D., how much that I respect, adore, and am thrilled to know you. Plus, those are some DAMNED sexy lizards --- I only ever had the one iguana, a little girl named Otto ("Repo Man"), but because of faulty instruction from the pet store and the "How To Feed Yer Iguana" book, she only lived a little over a year. But she was a blast all along! Still miss her.

Hope that your birfday was filled with love, joy, foodgasms, ridiculous amounts of giggling, dirty movies or techniques learned from dirty movies, multiple orgasms for everybody involved, FABULOUS cake or Rugelach, and the knowledge that you are one remarkably special human being, without whom this World O'Crap wouldn't be NEARLY as wunnerful.

And Scott, that was a truly lovely, disturbing, and adorable fillum with THE best-kittehs-captured-on-tape EVER. Biddy & Bubbe-Boy would've been HILARIOUS, if I'd ever had a film or video camera, but such was not to be. Sorry to be such a drag tonight, no excuse, just saying. Moondoggie & Riley are two of the most-adorable and luckiest cats on earth.