Sunday, June 22, 2014

Top Ten Google Searches

I'm attempting to work my way through an incredibly painful movie at the moment (two words: Stephen Baldwin), and looking for any excuse to put the thing on pause; so I thought I'd check through the referrer logs and see what search strings had been bringing people to World O' Crap lately:

1. he yelled stop sex tube: Meanwhile, in the midnight hour, she cried more, more more. Finally, we had to call the manager.

2.  miley cyrus thicke erection: I already know way more about Miley Cyrus that I ever wanted to, and yet, oddly, I still can't speak to her girth.

3. amancipation approxipation: Go home, Abe Lincoln. You’re drunk.

4.  court jester face: When your "O Face" isn't enough, add motley and a cap with jingly bells to really make your orgasm convincing.

5.  milf in clear bath water: Man, Starkist is really cutting corners. I remember when milfs were canned in spring water like albacore.

6. nazi posters that make people vote: Fox News continues searching for that one effective gimmick to mobilize the base.

7. naked chick looking into fridge: where she will presumably find her dead superhero boyfriend. Don't you just hate that old comic book trope?

8.  Two consecutive search keywords:
      a.  monster horse cock in ass
      b.  super large shoehorn
Yahoo! Answers comes through again!

9.  inflatable pony: Because it's lonely being a Bronie.

10.  handjob in curlers: Yeah, Honey, thanks for going all out on my birthday.


Smut Clyde said...

Is Robot Sam the Answer Man in any way related to Magic Robot?

Because Magic Robot has been showing some alarming world-domination-related tendencies lately. Take care!

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...


Carl said...

Court Jester Face is so going to be the name of my torch song album.

Carl said...

Will Magic Robot give me a handjob in curlers, tho?

Chris Vosburg said...

Condolences on the bleary-eyed Lesser Baldwin project-- it's not Biodome, is it, because Stephen is not the most irritating component.

Matter of fact, I just caught Tom Selleck's Jesse Stone: Night Passage based on the Robert B Parker novel, and Stephen is perfect as cheap crook and mob hit man Joe Genest, and it was a genuine pleasure watching Selleck kick him in the balls.

Anyways, it's always fun when you write about the search strings that lead folks to WOC, even though I can't understand why they would, and I'm still laughing about the amancipation approxipation.

heydave said...

I refuse to wear curlers no matter how I am enticed...

On other fronts, please tell me you're going to do Sharks in Venice!

Weird Dave said...

Seems like a lot of people end up here after searching for World o' Crappy Porn.

The amancipation approxipation does have me scrathing my head, but there is this.

Li'l Innocent said...

Exactly what part do those curlers play, I'd like to know. And what kind of curlers are specified? I'm old enough to have personally experienced at least 3 successive generations of curler technology, and believe you me, it makes a difference.

When Miley's girth wants to speak to you, Scott... when it wants to speak to you. Be patient.

grouchomarxist said...

8a reminded me of the advice on how to hold it in given to Robert Webber's character by Robert Preston in S.O.B.: "Imagine yourself being sodomized by a bull elephant."

All I can say is, 'tis many a strange and devious path what leads to your bloggy doorway. Makes you wonder if the search algorithm threw up its metaphorical hands and said "WTF: I'll just send 'em to Scott's place."

Many, many LOLs here, but I have to say the Abe Lincoln and Bronie cracks were simply perfect.

BillyWitchDoctor said...


If you don't even know how to spell it, you don't understand it. But the acclaimed doc "A Brony's Tale" (currently 8.8 out on 10 at IMDb) has released its schedule of nationwide showings, so feel free to learn a thing or two.

Official site

Scott said...

Hey, it's coming to my neighborhood art house -- cool. Sorry for the misspelling, and no offense intended. I freely admit that my ignorance is vast and contains multitudes.

Mike said...

Painful S. Baldwin movie, eh? Could it be worse than (or actually be) Shark in Venice?