Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Go Do That Doo Doo That You Do So Well

The recent news that Ann Coulter will be playing the U.S. Vice President in Sharknado 3: Jumping the Sharknado got me thinking about that other tigress of the right wing, Pam Geller, and how she really paved the way for Ann with her own forays into visual media.
Spasm of passion, or passing a kidney stone?

For many, Pam is the Atlas Shrugs blogger who likes to videotape herself delivering anti-Islam maledictions in a bikini, presumably to taunt orthodox Muslims with what they're missing. To others, she's probably best known as one of the stop motion Harpies who torment Phineas in Jason and the Argonauts. But Pam is vast, she contains multitudes of shit (horseshit, dogshit, bullshit, etc.) and this month she's the cover girl for Scat Fancy magazine.
The Poo Generation 
Every generation has unintentional icons – whether it’s Rosie the Riveter, the American flag, Elvis Presley, the motorcycle jacket – ideas that best express the zeitgeist of a time, a generation.
"It's weird, Bob. You know that Rosie the Riveter gal?"

"Oh, you mean the one we painted in heroic, three-point perspective, bannered with an inspirational phrase, then printed up millions of posters and plastered her image all over the country?"

"Yeah. Somehow -- don't ask me how -- she's become an icon."

"Well, I'm sure it was unintentional."
The emoticon found on phones today, of a happily smiling pile of excrement, is just that. 
 It best exemplifies the low state of the world, of the culture, and of America itself in the age of the primitive. It signifies America’s rapid decay in the wake of the left’s decades-long war on Americanism, freedom, and individual rights. The absence of morality – and by morality I mean a code of values – has led to an absence of the good. And an abundance of poo.
Granted, this probably wouldn't have made the women of the Greatest Generation want to tie on a do-rag and attack the nearest B-24 with a pneumatic rivet gun, but I bet the Germans would have been so charmed by our wide-spread schei├če imagery that they would have promptly called off the war and subscribed to our newsletter.
Ayn Rand wrote that a nation’s culture is the sum of the intellectual achievements of individual men, which their fellow citizens have accepted in whole or in part, and which have influenced the nation’s way of life. Poo.
Well, sure, if there's one word that sums up Ayn Rand's writing...
Post-9/11 America, and especially America in the Obama presidency, is a different world from America as she was before Obama, and before the left started its long march to destroy this nation.
This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with an emoticon.
 America today is increasingly anti-freedom, anti-truth, anti-ideas, anti-capitalsim – anti-reason.
To be fair, anti-capitalsim is probably the best edition of the Sims yet (pro-tip: always build a photography studio early on, so you'll have someone to airbrush Trotsky out of your May Day photos).
 A nation built on a morality of reason has all but abandoned its foundational principles.
If there's one thing our Enlightenment Era Founders distrusted, it was Reason, which is why today we live in a country where you can text your own mother a turd.
  Public schools and academia produce zombies – goose-steppers like the Hitler Youth – who are militant and violent in their imposition of the leftist/Islamic agenda.
I can't help but feel that the best a zombie could produce would be a goose-shuffle; maybe a goose-shamble if they were going downhill.
And when they do it, they congratulate themselves about how they have stood up against “fascism” and “intolerance,” when the intolerant fascists are they themselves.
It's The Walking Dead meets Dead Poets Society (which actually kinda sounds like a zombie film, now that I think about it...)
 Intellectually, young Americans are the most docile conformists, no matter how vocally and self-righteously they declare themselves free. They have accepted as dogma all the philosophical beliefs of their elders of the hard left without question or exploration. A continuing negation of life and self.
Pam's right. You kids should really embrace life more, maybe think about yourselves once in awhile. Regardless, she seems to be believe that today's youth are all slaves to Maoist Muslims in mortarboards because so few Millennials show up at her rallies, leaving her with the Pre-Cambrian demographic.
The culture is ugly. The music is ugly, violent, and misogynistic. Every crime drama and suspense series is rife with the most unimaginable gore. Game of Thrones, Law and Order (Sex Crimes), American Horror Story – they’re all devoid of humanity and morality. Devoid of goodness. It’s a cultural rout. It’s not that the line between good and evil has been blurred – it’s nonexistent. We are living in a cultural free-for-all, or more accurately, a free fall.
Remember, Pam got all this from an emoji.  And she's not done yet. We get a paragraph of harrumphery about Pharrell's performance at the Grammys, and how it sucked because he delivered a dirge-like tune rather than a high-steppin' cakewalk or something, then she holds us down and recites John Galt's speech from Atlas Shrugged until we say "Uncle."

By this point, it seems like the poop emoticon has been completely forgotten, but Pam is being subtle, even oblique in her approach to the topic, and the careful reader will note that her writing is actually a metaphor for shit.
A culture that would love such a thing is incapable of true humanity and love. Hollywood is incapable of writing or producing a Casablanca. There are no adults anymore – just petulant children who know nothing but to scream that they know everything and to heap contempt on anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their liberal fascism. Logic and facts are scorned and derided; myths (global warning, “Islamophobia”) and feelings are held up as fact and science.
Just to sum up: "liberal fascism" is a fact, "global warning [sic]" is a myth.
I was watching a movie not long ago, a dated fifties musical short on Turner Classic Movies. It was bursting with life. The kids in the room wanted me to put on something gory, negative, dark, and I said, no, no, watch this, this is great stuff – this is America. 
America: We're Dated, But At Least We're Short.
 And one of the teens replied, no it’s not, that’s from when America was happy. And that struck me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. The left has worked so hard to make us miserable, and has succeeded.
Yeah, Pam? I'm sure part of this anecdote is true -- I have no trouble at all in believing that you monopolized the TV and succeeded in boring a roomful of children -- but as long as we're on the topic of shit, I'm going to call the Bull variety, and say you put those words into that kid's mouth. And he immediately spat them out and pursed his lips and refused to let you feed him anymore, even when you did that "Here comes the choo-choo!" thing with the spoon.
If you had to boil the culture down to its essential oils, it would be last Sunday’s Oscars – oh, how that once mighty American art genre has fallen.
I tried boiling Pam's column down to its essential oils, and found it's primarily composed of two: sebaceous and crude.
American traitor Edward Snowden got an Oscar; American hero Chris Kyle got the middle finger.
I didn't realize that when a bio-pic wins an Oscar, it's the subject of the biography who actually collects it -- even when he's dead. I guess that explains the hubbub at the 1936 Academy Awards, when Paul Muni won for The Story of Louis Pasteur and his acceptance speech was interrupted by a moldy skeleton in pince-nez and and a morning coat that charged on stage and tried to wrestle away his statuette.

Anyway, Pam bitches about Hollywood for another three paragraphs before finally remembering what it was that originally pissed her off way back at the beginning of the column.
The Oscar show was typical Hollywood, epitomized by Neil Patirck Harris going on stage in his underwear. What’s next? Poo on the floor? 
No, I think under the circumstances the worst we might get is a skidmark.

On the bright side, Pam declared Lady Gaga's medley from The Sound of Music a highlight, but couldn't enjoy it because "leftists seek to impose that evil upon us all."
Ayn Rand said, “There are two aspects of man’s existence which are the special province and expression of his sense of life: love and art.” Both of which have all but been extinguished in the era of amoralism – reflected in cultural rot and the exaltation of the crank. 
If The Exaltation of the Crank isn't the title of Pam's autobiography, it really should be. Who's with me?


R.Porrofatto said...

I think anyone given enthusiastic shout-outs in the manifesto of mass murderer Anders Breivik and who still believes his 77 victims were asking for it should shut the fuck up about morality and evil. But that's just me.

Helmut Monotreme said...

Thanks for being prompt with that reminder. If you didn't I was going to, but I'm just as happy not typing that guy's name because damned if I am going to give his name one more search reference.

Dr.BDH said...

I'm grooving on The Dead Poets Society zombie movie pitch. Which zombie poets should it be? W.H. Auden? Emily Dickinson? T.S. Eliot? Ogden Nash? Cheap set: a library. Disposable extras: racist frat boys. Johnny Depp as Edgar Allan Poe. I see a lot of potential.

tony in san diego said...

She seems nice.

maryclev said...


I had forgotten that. Thanks for the reminder. Yeah. 77 victims, most of them children, deserved to die. I'm against the death penalty, but when children are the victims, all bets are off for me.

Chris Vosburg said...

Think we oughta tell Pam that Ayn Rand headed up the costume department at RKO in the thirties?

From our "Fun Facts To Know and Tell" department:

Though she may have been known around the lot as Alisa Rosenbaum, Ayn Rand (her nom de feel-good-event-of-the-summer) couldn't get to freakin' Hollyweird fast enuf upon arrival in the US (she was a screenwriter, and actually got a few scripts developed).

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Once again I am sad that Sadly, No! lost all its great photoshops.

P.S. Coincidentally I'm working on a poop post, too. But nature, not nuture. (He cackled.)

Kip W said...

All the little guy needs needs is the words "DON'T TREAD ON ME."

ckc (not kc) said...

Pam and Bobo should get a room

Li'l Innocent said...

Oh fump -- how can someone whose consciousness is entirely shaped by inner bile pressure have anything useful to say about poop? What can a shrew know of the peaceful joys of healthy bowel function? Without doo, where are we?

I always wonder what kind of kids people of Pam's opinions associate with. Lockstep liberal zombies? Maybe she's harkening back to the good ol' days when college kids reputedly all wanted to get MBAs, buy Beemers by age 30, etc etc. No poop icons back then, nosirree. (Lotsa cocaine, though.)

Meanie-meanie, tickle a person said...

The Walking Dead meets Dead Poets Society

Ooh, Genre Genesis! Zombie Apocalypso...

On the 6th green:
The Walking Dead Solid Perfect...

On Death Row:
Walking Dead Man Walking (Played at double speed, it would be Walking Dead Man Running, and you could make the last half of the Rocky Horror Picture Show across town.)

In the squadroom:
Walking Dead Heat

This could go on forever...

maryclev said...

TAP--Oooh, a meme theme! I wanna play!

The Quick and The Walking Dead

Dead Walker, Texas Ranger

Weird Dave said...

Grateful Walking Dead

Meanie-meanie, tickle a person said...

Grateful Walking Dead

Oh, Jebus, pity the poor roadie that has to clean the guitars after the show. Picking fingers out of the strings...

acrannymint said...

Are those bullet casings on her nipples in the first picture?

Anonymous said...

How about a new tag line for her? How about Atlas Shat?

Scott said...

Ohhh, that's good. That needs to happen.

Carl said...

Walking Dead Devine

*mic drop*

Anonymous said...

No, the thing that fungal growth Pam Gellar is most remembered for (by me anyway) is that she asked for donations to send pizza to the IDF killers of Rachel Corrie. I remember this because that's when I first read about her and decided she was the most horrible person who ever lived.
RIP Rachel.