Sunday, March 15, 2015

Happy Birthday, Bill S! And the Minx!

Hey guys, it's Mary here. Like that bossy voice from The Outer Limits, I'm seizing control of our traditional March 15th menage à deux in honor of beloved Crappers Bill S. (legally known for the next 24 hours as Bill S!) and The Minx, because this year's theme is all about food! (Okay, in the vein of Bill O'Reilly, it's actually about pictures of food...)  But we've spared no expense, bringing you lavish spreads for Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and Dessert.

Also, since your birthday is right after Pi Day, I've decided to make some kind of pie for every meal! No need to thank me, or blame me, it's just what I do.

And remember: it's your party, and you can cry if you want to, and you probably will, once you see the menu...


Here you go! The Breakfast of Champions! (Okay, fine, maybe not sports champions...I can't really see anyone celebrating a Super Bowl or a World Series win with this particular dish, but definitely, like, Regional Spelling Bee Champions, or maybe...I don't know...Champion Spark Plugs.)  Made with "double rich Carnation", it's sure to clog your arteries and help you cut down on those pesky birthdays.


What's that? You didn't have enough eggs with your Breakfast Pie? Have no fear, Creamed Egg Pie is here! And with its corned beef crust, it's a natural for those birthdays that fall in the middle of March, since this really does kind of does look like the stuff you see (and have to step over) on the sidewalk outside your local sports bar on St. Patrick's Day.


Lobster Tails and Champagne Cocktails? Who needs 'em?! Not when you have your very own Whole Fish Pie!  It all looks so good, I don't know where to start! Maybe for the exit...!

And now, for your extra special Birthday Dessert

Butterscotch Pudding Pie! Finally, that horrible tasting hard candy is now a horrible tasting, gelatinous dessert. Blow out the candles and wish for a quick and easy death after eating this monstrosity.

Happy Birthday, Bill and Minx. And please, keep the leftovers.  Keep them very far away from all your loved ones.

Scott here: Thanks, Mary. I don't think Wo'C has hosted such distinctive and eye-catching fare since the days when Sheri decided to cook all the recipes from The Gallery of Regrettable Food.

But I don't like pie, so here's some beefcake:

This year Bill requested British rugby player Ben Cohen. I had to confess that I'm not as up to date on my hot rugby ass as I should be, so Bill helpfully added that Cohen "also heads up an anti-bullying foundation, which makes him a good guy too, in my opinion."

Can't argue with that. Plus, I went over to Cohen's official Facebook page and saw that he also has a "grooming range" that he's quite proud of:
I'm not sure what a "grooming range" is; perhaps it's the area you designate for manscaping ("I have a fairly narrow grooming range -- below the pecs but above the pecker"), or maybe it's a stretch of the African savannah where metrosexual men like Pastor Doug Giles gather to pick nits off each other. Anyway...enjoy!

The Minx is more circumspect about her Wants and Do Not Wants, but I'd be remiss if I let her go without the traditional...
Sexy Birthday Lizard! 

Please join me in wishing Bill and The Minx a very happy Unplugging of the Umbilical Cord Day.


Bill S said...

My thanks to both of you!
And Happy Birthday, Minx!

Kathy said...

Happy birthday Bill S & MInx! Now I must go lay down for several days after viewing those food photos. OMG.

Unknown said...

Oh my Lord. That fish pie. I...I...can't even. Happy birthday, Bill S. and Minx!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much Scott and Mary for that lovely birthday fare! My appetite will recover soon, I hope. I keep forgetting to make my official birthday poster girl request, so here's one for next year, perhaps? Any lovely Sexay cheesecake photo from that golden era of whipped cream dresses and questionable morals.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes and a special "Happy Birthday" to my natal twinsie, Bill S.

Much Love from
~The Minx~

grouchomarxist said...

Birthday felicitations and best wishes of extraordinary magnitude, Bill S and -- The Minx! (I just thought that would sound really cool with a dramatic pause.)

Isn't that thing with the fish heads an eel pie? I know some people consider them a delicacy, but after seeing The Tin Drum, no way, no how would I ever consume any pasty containing said fish, even if it didn't have their heads sticking out of it. Just the thought of it makes me feel like creating my own Technicolor Yawn Pie filling.

Though I guess I have to confess my own shameful secret: I like butterscotch. Even so, what a really cheesy and stingy way to celebrate some poor kid's birthday. I mean, what, a packet of Jello Butterscotch Pudding that cost maybe twenty cents back at the time of that ad, maybe half that much for the milk and the marshmallows, and a handful of birthday candles which may have run them a whole nickel. And voila, a birthday treat that still leaves you plenty of spare change for that gallon of Mogen-David 20-20, which will help you forget what a cheap bastard you are.

Dr.BDH said...

Happy Birthday, Bill and Minx. Here's a coupon for Ipecac and, if that doesn't work, Zantac. (Little known fact: pharmaceutical brand names are chosen from discarded Star Trek monikers.)

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Wow, what a fintastic celebration!

Lancelot Link said...

You may scoff, but i would totally eat those pies.

Carl said...

My apologies, you two, for being so tardy in my greetings. I hope you both had marvelous days, particularly with the roly-poly fish heads.