Monday, June 29, 2015

Girl On Go-Gurt Action!

You may remember One Million Moms from their jihad against Kraft, and specifically the undressed man who hawked their dressing. Well, they're back, and this time they're torqued at lactose-lovin' L-Words.
Nude lesbians cavort in bed in 'sinful' TV commercial
As we've said before, we don't believe there are actually one million moms who care if there are ladies out there with eclectic tastes that include vagina, soured milk products, and implied nudity. Instead, we suspect it's one mom with multiple personalities -- not a million of them, because that would be too awesome to hope for, so let's just say it's probably more than Toni Collette had in The United States of Tara, but fewer than Sally Field fielded in Sybil. The twist is that this time, every personality is an asshole!
Members of One Million Moms, a faith-based advocacy group tied to the American Family Association, is furious over a Chobani yogurt ad featuring lesbians in bed and is calling for the company to pull the TV commercial now airing in the U.S.
I was talking to Mary about it, and she thinks it's not really MillionMom who's worked up by this commercial, but MillionDad. ("You're right, honey, this is shocking! And scandalous. And sinful! Oh very, very sinful. It's probably some other 's' words too, but I can't think of any at the moment. Let's watch it two or three more times and I'm sure they'll come to me...!"
The ad shows a woman in bed eating the yogurt, stroking the foot of a companion laying beside her, and then standing and wrapping the sheet around her naked body before leaving the room. It’s then the viewer is shown the other nude person in the bed is not a man, like one would expect, but a woman. She smiles and the camera reveals she’s wearing a wedding ring.
I had no preconceptions about the sex of the bed's other occupant, but I was relieved that it didn't turn out to be, as I originally expected, a severed horse head.
One Million Moms says the ad promotes sexual sin, as well as homosexual marriage.
I'd say it acknowledges same sex marriage, rather than promotes it, since the commercial is selling yogurt and not diamonds, flowers, or pastel cummerbunds. But if we assume, arguendo, that her claim is true, that means the ad can't also be promoting "sexual sin", since the ladies are married. They may be doing it Sappho-style, and then celebrating with Greek yogurt just to keep the theme going, but the important thing is, they're not doing it Bristol Palin style.
Meanwhile, the narrator sings in the background, “To love this life is to live it naturally,” and posts the text over a shot of the ocean water and beach.
If your biggest problem with this commercial is that it ends with some pseudo-inspirational quote over an image of sea and sand, then it's possible your beef isn't with lesbian yogurt, but with 90% of Instagram users over the age of thirty.
“There is nothing natural about homosexuality,” One Million Moms wrote.
But at least it's not an abomination, unlike yogurt. Especially that fruit-at-the-bottom crap.
 “What does selling yogurt have to do with gay sex? Nothing at all, but Chobani wants to make the association.”
Okay MillionMom, if you're outraged about someone using sex to sell a product, I would just remind you that Chobani didn't invent the concept, and suggest you take it up with the Garden of Eden Fruit Growers Association and their spokesmodel, Eve.
The group then references a biblical passage, Romans 1:26-27
Which was a heartbreaker of a loss for the Romans, especially coming into the playoffs.
to support its view of homosexuality as a sin, and asks for similarly outraged Americans to call the company to petition for the ad’s removal.
I don't know if there are enough "similarly outraged Americans" to actually fill up a whole petition. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of outrage to go around in this country, but I don't know how similar it is to MillionMom's; I have a feeling her outrage is somewhat sui generis, at least in it's peculiar focus on homosexuals in proximity to food.  But even if she realized it, I don't expect such knowledge would deter MillionMom; rather, I imagine it would only inspire her to make her name literally true by investigating that cloning process that cranks out surplus Tatiana Maslanys.
“[We're] urging them to pull this inappropriate commercial immediately and remain neutral in the culture war,” the group wrote. “Also, let Chobani know that continuing to air this ad and offensive advertisements in the future will force your family to make the decision to no longer purchase Chobani products.”
No offense, MillionMom, but they sell yogurt, so maybe you're not the demographic they're really targeting. But don't be discouraged; the day Frito-Lay decides to promote Cheddar & Sour Cream flavored Ruffles with buttsex is the day you get to bring down the MillionMom Mallet!
Some national media applauded the ad. The Huffington Post called it “stunning” and “sexy,” while The New York Daily News called it, “steamy,” and “gay”-media outlets raved.
"The most erotic meeting of food and sex since the dinner scene in Tom Jones!" -- Journal of Industrial Foodservice.

"Blue is the Warmest Color, but please refrigerate your yogurt." -- National Association of Dairy Product Retailers.
As WND reported, world renowned Christian leader Rev. Franklin Graham told his Facebook followers to stop doing business with stores and corporations that advance unbiblical principles – that the power of the purse can be used to advance God’s will. 
Graham told the Charlotte Observer he plans to compile and publicize a list of companies that feature same-sex couples in their advertising. “I want people to know,” he said.
Good luck with your many hours of research into sexy gay images, Reverend. And maybe hang a necktie on the doorknob so your roommate doesn't just walk in on you.
He wrote: “Have you ever asked yourself – how can we fight the tide of immoral decay that is being crammed down our throats by big business, the media, and that gay & lesbian community? Every day it is something else!”
Thanks to big business gays and the media, life in America today is just like the old Mickey Mouse Club: Monday is Fun with Music Day, Wednesday is Anything Can Happen Day, Thursday is Circus Day, but every day is Throat-Cramming Day!
And as example, he announced his own evangelical organization will cut ties with Wells Fargo because of advertising featuring lesbians.
And accidentally deposited all his money in a bank that's gayer than the collected works of Jean Genet, but hey, it's the ugly thought that counts.
“This is one way we as Christians can speak out,” he wrote. “We have the power of choice. Let’s just stop doing business with those who promote sin and stand against Almighty God’s laws and His standards. Maybe if enough of us do this, it will get their attention.”
I'm sorry, Rev, did you say something? I was too busy watching nude lesbians cavort sinfully. (OPENS FORTUNE COOKIE) In bed.


ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Rev. Franklin Graham told his Facebook followers, aka crackers.

Bill the Splut said...

"stop doing business with stores and corporations that advance unbiblical principles"

Such as shaving cream, women's jeans, and shrimp cocktail. IT'S IN THE BIBLE, PEOPLE!

GAAH! The Captcha said "Check all pictures of pasta or noodles" and it showed a bucket of SHELLFISH! Leviticus says I must never use the internet again!!

Li'l Innocent said...

Take it easy, Bill. Don't let Leviticus get you all tangled up in his twisted old loincloth.

I see now what cultural riches I'm missing due to only using on-demand Teevee anymore. Yay for Chobani. BTW, if y'all want to read an interesting scholarly-type article about that "abomination" business in the Old Testament, go to
- it's a couple years old, but very au courant.

heydave said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
heydave said...

Ah,the classics never die. .. "Looks like you blew a seal. No, that's just yogurt! "

Jono said...

My guess is that you will get almost ALL men to watch the commercial and a vast majority of women. I never knew about the commercial until the bible thumpers brought it to my attention. I just might start buying Chobani now.

Dr.BDH said...

Until I got out my reading glasses, I thought Billy's spawn was upset about corporations espousing umbilical principles.

Which would be against Adam and Eve.

Paul Day said...

World Net Daily: Providing Fapping Material for People Who Claim They Don't Fap Since 1999

grouchomarxist said...

Have you ever asked yourself – how can we fight the tide of immoral decay that is being crammed down our throats by big business, the media, and that gay & lesbian community?

Well, no, Franklin, I can honestly say I never have. I have to admit, I'm still scratching my head over the meaning of "a tide of immoral decay", instead of that more commonplace "moral decay". Do you mean standards of immorality are lapsing, or that decay is itself immoral? (Bad compost heap! Bad!)

I suspect Mr. Graham spends a lot of time obsessing over immoral things being crammed down his throat.

Anonymous said...

Will cavort with nude lesbians for food.

Aright, fine. I'll do it for free.

Anonymous said... the new gogurt commercial! Highly inappropriate