Thursday, November 23, 2017

Happy Thanksgiving!

Children of the Speckled Corn

I hope everyone's having a pleasant day, untroubled by work, racist relatives, or an uncomfortable proximity to turban squash. Mary is making her traditional Thanksgiving feast -- turkey, mashed potatoes, and Brussels sprouts, I believe -- while I am practicing the custom of my ancestors, staying-the-hell-out-of-the-kitchen, because it's roughly the depth and breadth of a coffin, and my presence tends to test the limits of patience and the bonds of matrimony, while increasing the likelihood that the kitchen itself will transition from a tiny food preparation area to an actual casket, in that it will suddenly contain a dead body.

I mean besides the turkey.  (And spare me the turkey jokes -- I'm looking at you, Actor212 -- because you really need to be a Seventies icon of Earl Holliman, or Ben Murphy quality to pull off that kind of insult with any degree of panache.)

So I'll be in the recliner, with my coffee, my lower back pain medication, and a lapful of cats, watching the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Turkey Day Marathon on ShoutFactoryTV, or YouTube, or whatever damn streaming service I can coax into compliance.

What are you guys up to this year? Please let me know in the comments, because while I don't live well, I do live vicariously.

Mmm, boy! That's good flesh!


meanie-meanie, tickle a person said...

You mean people actually eat the drumsticks? Dang. I see a turkey carcass as basically a turkey breast delivery vehicle, and really, you wanna eat the wheels and doors and shit?

I'll be doing the solo-Turkey Day thing this year, since OTRATTWTGHI'm not gonna drive in my (temporarily) legally-blind state, but I have obtained a nice 2-lb chunk of the only part of the turkey that really matters and....PIE!

2 pies, in fact, because I couldn't make up my mind. (That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.)

Oh, I have the stuffing and taters and gravy and corn and crap like that, but do they really count, except as ballast and roughage? No, they do not.

Anyways, however good or bad your Thanksgiving, S&M, it's guaranteed to be better than the turkey's, but hey, aim high!

My other turkey will be the MST3K of Project Moonbase. Man, that's gonna suck...

acrannymint said...

Solo also and watching MS3TK Turkey day. Bird is in the oven, prepping the sides of mashed sweet potato casserole, squash casserole, and balsamic green beans. All topped off by a cherry pie.

meanie-meanie, tickle a person said...

Whoa, careful putting the Cool Whip on the pie, Cranny, that whole stack is liable to fall...

Debbi said...

I actually made stuffing and cranberry sauce to go with the turkey Rick baked. Since I never cook, that's a Thanksgiving miracle!

During dinner, we watched Harlem Nights and The Three Stooges, since our kitchen TV isn't smart enough to connect with the Internet. Oh, well. :)

Scott said...

No problem if Cranny’s cherry pie pile topples over, meanie, since Cool Whip is a dessert topping and a floor wax!

Fearguth said...

For our extended family Thanksgiving yesterday at my sister-in-law's house, I prepared the roast turkey, dressing, and gravy, the green salad with homemade Ranch dressing, and my wife baked the pecan pie. We didn't watch MST3K, but we did have three Canadians in our midst for post-prandial entertainment.

Anonymous said...

Happy Thanksgiving, USain friends.
It's amazing how much food the human body can ingest. Flabbergasting.
I sometimes feel American food is a tad over the top. Not every dish requires melted cheese; not every dessert needs whipped cream and/or melted chocolate.I'm sorry to have to point this out but every American recipe I read has so much going on that I think longingly of bacon and eggs - straight up.
Anyway, it's your digestive tract - give it a delicious workout.


Anonymous said...

ANNTI sez...

Late to the party as always, but y'all would not have BELIEVED the spread that I managed to cobble for myself & the F.U./formerly-known-as-the-Beastmaster... Bone-in turkey breast, cornbread dressing from scratch, sweet potatoes (savory, of course!), veggies of several descriptions, oh, the gorging! Best. Damned. Turkey. I. Ever. Fucking. Cooked. And I miss that sumbitch. The brown & serve rolls were a huge disappointment, though.

Earl Holliman, btw, hails from right down here in Cancer Alley, LA, btw. By the way.