That being said, you know what I'm not a fan of? Bad writing. Even a bigger non-fan of? Bad "Castle" FanFic writing. It hurts me. Physically. So I need to hurt it back.
(Click here to see the last FanFic that ticked me off. You may remember it for giving birth to the immortal phrase, "casually screaming.")
So. Please indulge me as I "React to a Bad Castle FanFic":
Indented parts are the fanfic. Bold are my snarky comments
A Special GiftYou know you're in for a bad one when the bizarre spelling mistakes show up in the summary.
Summary: Kate recevies a surprise that could change her life.
Detective Kate Beckett has had a long day.Oh, those wacky sentient crimes! You can never tell what they're gonna do, next! Confess or throw you off track so they don't get caught! They're scamps!
After closing a recent case (which was supposed to be quick solve but was dragged out when the murder decided to throw them off track)
and filling out paperwork, Captain Montgomery sent her, Ryan and Esposito home for the weekend at 5pm (while having Karpowski on call) to get some much needed rest.An eyelash.
Right as she got off the elevator of her new apartment (which Castle had helped her find when the old had been blown up by a serial killer) with Italian takeout she noticed something from the corner of her eye.
As she got closer she saw what it was, baby carriage and a diaper bag set in front of her door.Excuse me? "one those"? Hey! Articles are your friends! Try one, today!
Oh no this cannot be happening.
Kate was one those who was "one and done" and before having kids.
As she was slowing down as she got closer to her door, she was nervous and she had every right to be; what if it was a trap?Diabolical! Someone is trying to pawn off diaper changing duty on her! The fiends!
However, all her thoughts went into disarray when she heard a whimper coming from the baby carriage. She thought would it hurt to investigate?I was about to pick on the missing comma and quotation marks, but since her thoughts went into disarray, I'm guessing that's what happened to those, too.
All her defenses crumbled when she flipped one the coverYou know who else are your friends? Beta readers! Flip "one the cover" and find a reader, today!
and saw an adorable baby girl who looked no older than a couple of days swaddled in pink;They're so cute at that age. It's when they're a couple of years swaddled in pink that they become a handful.
by now the baby was beginning to cry.Because someone was reading this fanfic out loud to her.
"Oh you more little one you must be cold, let's get you inside and warmed up and we'll figure it out from there."Good idea, less big one!
Once she made sure the coast was clear and that it was safe enough not to be a trap then she took the carriage and diaper bag in.Safe enough to not be a trap, but she's definitely still in danger of having to change a poopy diaper.
Good thing was that she always seemed to have a fleece blanket on the couch.Yeah, funny how that works out. Weird thing is, she doesn't even OWN a fleece blanket!
She put the carriage and bag down and before long was cradling the baby and the crying stopped.The baby, however, continued to cry because it was freezing to death! Where's that fleece blanket, woman?!
When Kate saw a smile on the baby's face her heart melt even more.It WAS a trap! Quick! Put the baby down! It has the demonic power to cook you from the inside out!
Whoa there Katie, you don't want to get too attached you're going to need to find the parents and contact Child Social Services.Wait. Who's talking? God? A narrator? Oh! Is this one of those filmstrips they used to show in school on rainy days?
Another realization hit; she was going to need baby supplies and she knew just the two to help out.Smart & Final.