For people who enjoy watching smug, self-adoring nitwits flex their vapidity on television, but find the Kardashians a bit too ethic, I've got some good news. M. Bouffant and Bill S. were both
cruel kind enough to alert me to this trailer from Doug Giles, Pastor of Our Lady of Free HBO and Complimentary In-Room Coffee, who's trying to sell his daughters (again!), this time as reality TV stars. Of the three of us, only Bill had the stones to actually watch the thing -- I bailed out right about the time faux streetwalker but genuine fame-whore Hannah started lying her As Seen on Youtube ass off about ACORN).
As Bill wrote, "I'm not sure how much there is to say, since the series hasn't aired yet. The show certainly captures Doug's two most enduring traits: his desperation to prove his manhood, and his uncanny ability to be completely out of touch everytime he tries to sound relevent. (He still uses "metrosexual", a word nobody's used in about 10 years.)"
Doug Giles: The Manly Cure for the Metrosexual.
Of course, it's just a sizzle reel, so in all likelihood there is no series, just another effort by fading bad boy Doug to piggyback on Hannah's rising star. Although, if the ACORN hoax was going to net her a TV show, you'd think it would have happened in the first golden shower of free publicity that drenched her and...what's his name?...the guy who looks like Ichabod Crane. I can't remember, but apparently neither can Hannah, as she's been steadily writing him out of the story since her first solo appearance on Fox News.
Anyway, here's Doug's pitch:
Here's my family's answer to the Jersey Shore and the Kardashian BS. The Call of The Giles shows families how to live a powerful and productive adventure laden life without whizzing on God and country. TCOTG features Townhall.com columnist Doug Giles and his wife Mary Margaret, daughter Hannah Giles of the 2009 ACORN undercover sting videos and Regis Giles, NRA columnist and owner of GirlsJustWannaHaveGuns.com. Coming 2012 to a TV set near you. Hold on to your lug nuts. It's time for an overhaul.
Shit just got reality.
Bonus Doug: Sharkmaster and Art Critic
You know that suitable for framing portrait of Andrew Breitbart as a parfit, gentil knyght? Doug got very excited about it, because as an artist himself, he recognizes the power of painting, sculpture, and preserved corpses to change the way we look at our world. And a provocative portrait of a dead blowhard is just the kind of fusion of fine art and taxidermy calculated to drive liberals into a snit:
Art is powerful. Through art nations have been swayed toward greatness … and toward Obama. Via the arts souls have been lifted and wars have been waged. There’s no mistaking the mighty leverage art wields on people and lands.Okay Doug, but if you're looking for an antidote to (or parody of) socialist realism, I don't think we need this:
From a national standpoint, do you wanna know why folks in Communist nations are depressed and are forced at gunpoint to smile when U.S. cameras are rolling? Well, one reason, aside from the mediocre hell Communism spawns, is their art. It’s hard to feel chipper when the only works of art you behold are giant prints of the inbred dictator and the utilitarian gray block buildings he skimped on so he could have gold toilets in his 90-room mansion.
...When we've already got this:
Stalin and the Muses by Komar and Melamid (1982).
Anyway, you were saying?
Seriously, in the Giles Manor I have trophy animals and paintings of trophy animals, African warriors and Native American Indian warriors adorning my walls. Why do I have such a man cave? Well, one reason I have it so designed is we have three women in the house, and I’ve got to do something to offset all the bras and panties strewn everywhere. In addition, these awesome animals and warriors feed my soul. When I gaze at them it makes me feel stupid and weak when I whine like a 12-year-old girl if I don’t get my way.Of course, as we now know, the painting is actually a screen grab of a video game character, with Breitbart's ill-proportioned noggin Photoshopped onto the shoulders. Which is too bad, because I was dying to hear more of Doug's thoughts on the power of pickled body parts and lithographed aborigines to protect our manhoods from strewn panties. I was especially curious to see how he, as an artist, would react to the news that an artist he had championed was guilty of plagiarism.
Being fascinated with butt kicking beasts and people, I was duly impressed when I saw the digital painting that artist David Bugnon (Boo-nyon) did of the late Andrew Breitbart. David absolutely knocked it out of the park with his painting depicting Andrew as the consummate intellectual warrior that he was.
Unfortunately, the above snippets were all I could recover from Google cache. When you click on the Page 2 button (Townhall divides all its columns, no matter how short, into separate pages in order to artificially inflate their traffic), I found this.
The man cave was empty and silent as the tomb, without even the word "Croatoan" inscribed on a discarded brassiere.
P.S. Cat pictures below, if that helps any.