Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Return to Sender

Well, after I resisted the emailed blandishments of RNC Chief Operating Officer Sara Armstrong, then rudely shunned the seductive, Salomé-like dance of Co-Chair Sharon Day and completely failed to buy their $27 "I Miss W" t-shirt, Chairman Reince Preibus had no choice but to go all Damn Yankees on me and unleash the siren charms of RNC Press Secretary Kirsten Kukowski, and the power of her slightly discounted theme mug.
Remember when the President of the United States was more focused on the American people than on political fundraisers and his golf swing?
Well, no, but then I don't personally remember magic lantern shows, detachable celluloid collars, or playing whist on the Graf Zeppelin...Just how old do you think I am, lady?
President Obama has already attended 400 fundraisers and played 183 rounds of golf — and he still has two years left in office.
So if the President was hoping to beat George W. Bush's record of 879 days off -- over two years out of eight spent on vacation -- somebody better break it to Obama that he's been mathematically eliminated.
We miss the days of principled Republican leadership in the White House—and we miss President George W. Bush.
Okay, but you do realize those are two separate things, right? That's like me saying I miss Gothic architecture and I miss Shake-a-Puddin'.
Now you can start your day off right with an exclusive “I Miss W.” mug.
Start your day off right, with an aching sense of loss and regret! 

Seeing that I'm cheap, unpatriotic, or just not thirsty, Kirsten changed tack and decided to give me a Schoolhouse Rock-style lecture on how a bill doesn't become a law:
Washington has a serious gridlock problem — and that problem is the Democratic-controlled Senate. 
Washington also has a serious gridiron problem -- its football team has a really racist name -- but the Democratic-controlled Senate has refused to act on the no doubt dozens of Republican-sponsored bills to fix it.
Key Democrats have blocked over 40 Republican-backed, House-passed jobs bills from coming to the Senate. 
Actually, it seems most of those bills just repeal environmental and labor regulations (my favorite is probably "'HR 1633 - Farm Dust Regulation Prevention Act of 2011.' This bill prevents the EPA from issuing or finalizing regulations revising air quality standards under the Clean Air Act, and excepts farm dust from all references to 'particulate matter.'" Okay, maybe that one runs a close second to the "Black Lung is Beautiful Act of 2013.")

On the other hand, the Republican House has passed ten anti-abortion acts since 2009, and those could easily be considered jobs bills if you factor in the need -- once they pass the obstructionist Senate -- to recruit, train, and deploy a WPA-sized army of transvaginal ultrasound technicians.

So there you go. If you're missing W. badly enough that you must tell the other luckless bastards in the break room, Kirsten's mug is nine dollars cheaper than Sara and Sharon's t-shirt, and doesn't raise potential dress code issues.  Or you could, if you felt so inclined, spite Kirsten and buy the tasteful and capacious World O' Crap mug instead (just click the button to your left).  I'm not sure if it'll start your day off right or wrong, but according to the RNC's pantheistic beliefs about the interconnectedness of all things, it'll somehow prevent President Obama from setting foot inside the Pro Shop.


Smut Clyde said...

Now you can start your day off right with an exclusive “I Miss W.” mug.

I assume from their use of Photoshop rather than an photograph of an actual mug that they have not splashed out the cash to have any printed.

Weird Dave said...


But I'm reloading.

Helmut Monotreme said...

Someone should get one of these mugs to that Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes.

maryclev said...

Remember when the President of the United States was more focused on the American people than on political fundraisers and his golf swing?

Because W. NEVER focused on golf. Or swinging. OR his golf swing. EVER. Right?

grouchomarxist said...

And the logo's not just Photoshopped, but crudely Photoshopped. I'm hardly the most proficient user of my photo software, but even so, I know how to put a matching curve on the lettering.

A cheap grift is bad enough, but a cheap, sloppy grift is even more contemptible.

Anonymous said...

ANNTI said...

Saying that you miss W. is like saying that you miss HERPES... but then, herpes NEVER goes away, whereas Dumbya could never STAY PUT. Except, of course, when he was sitting on Karl Rove's obese lap, watching Katrina happen on CNN...

Woodrowfan said...

Whenever I see "I Miss W" I think of throwing things at him, and then I remember that he still has a Secret Service detail. sigh. (Note to Secret Service, I am kidding)

Scott said...

I always thought Bush avoiding traveling to the Netherlands because, Why Tempt the Hague? But now I think it's just that he realizes he's getting older, his reflexes aren't what they used to be, and getting tagged with a wooden clog would really really hurt.

Anonymous said...

ANNTI said...

Heh heh heh, Scott... before I remembered the shoe-throwing incident/press conference, I got some SEVERELY sick cartoons in my head about those wooden clogs and where they'd be inserted in the right prison, Dutch OR Turkish... heh heh heh...

After all, no ACTUAL-HEAD injury would EVER actually HARM Dumbya, it wouldn't be near any VITAL ORGANS... Mebbe if they aimed at his big, worst-fake-Texas-accent-in-HISTORY wide-slitted MOUTH, they'd do some actual HARM, seeing as how it's usually attached to Bandar or the bin Laden family's asses, or, better yet, around Karl Rove's piggly-wiggly little gherkin of a dick. THAT might do some damage...

And Weird Dave? I have that bumpersticker, except it says, "I still miss my Ex... BUT MY AIM IS IMPROVING!"

Also, WD-40: (the lubricant, no idea on the age!) Happy-Happy Joy-Joy much-belated birfday! And QUADRUPLE-belated, but equally-sincere Happy-Happy Joy-Joy way-too-damned-late wishes to HEYDAVE, too! Since neither Dave has replied to my "whattayawant fer yer birfday?" queries, should I order these LOVERLY mugs for both of y'all?

Or would you rather some hand-delivered books o'Mor(m)on? They even throw-in a free bibul and a video on how to raise good mor(m)on CHIRRENS! All it takes is a call to that same ol' 800#... Any takers? Heh heh heh...