Monday, December 12, 2011

The Wrath of Roth

UPDATED below.

Spanning the bring you the constant variety of Wingnut!  The subject of today's scouting report is Dr. Laurie Roth.  Syndicated talk radio host.  Martial arts action hero.  And the next President of the United States!

Before we plunge into Laurie's plan for Undoing Obama (there is, as the headline notes, "Such much to undo"), let's verify her bona fides, shall we?  Not that I doubt the good doctor's qualifications, for long experience of RenewAmerican has taught me one infallible rule:  the longer the bio, the nuttier the pundit, and Dr. Roth's resume runs a very promising 200 words.  But we'll just hit the highlights:
Dr. Laurie Roth — the "Annie Oakley" of the airwaves —
I assume this means she puts on displays of trick marksmanship for her listeners.  "I'm about to shoot at a playing card that's over 50 yards away!  I'm aiming...I'm squeezing the trigger...  (BANG!)  I just put a bullet right through the eye of the suicide king.  Had he known I was taking a bead on him, he probably would have saved himself the trouble of sticking that sword in his head!  Hahaha.  We'll be back after this message from Goldline..."
is a nationally-syndicated radio talk-show host. She has hosted successful talk shows on radio stations from Boston to L.A. with no shortage of callers.
No shortage of gentleman callers, anyway...  [Smooths her frock of yellowed voile, then glides across the room with a bouquet of jonquils].
Laurie has a Ph.D. in counseling and a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. If she can't reason with you, you had better duck before the roundhouse kick sends you flying!
Happily, if she puts you in the hospital with a broken jaw, she won't charge you for the sessions you miss.
She is a singer/songwriter with five CD albums to her credit, one track which landed her in Billboard's top 40 ranks and on the cover of Cash Box Magazine. She plays the piano, keyboard, and violin and has a voice that can penetrate your very soul.
Assuming the kicks and the gunfire don't do the trick.  And what is Cash Box Magazine?  Well, apparently "Cashbox (or Cash Box) magazine was a weekly publication devoted to the music and coin-operated machine industries in the USA which was published from July 1942 to November 16, 1996."
In 1989, Dr. Roth was voted "Most Likely to be Confused With Alannah Myles From a Distance and in Poor Lighting Conditions," while in 1992 she became the first "Miss Coin-Op Laundry" to hold a Doctorate in Counseling, a record that still stands today.
Laurie recently announced her candidacy for President of the United States as an independent. Her campaign website is

She just published a book titled The People's President, outlining her stances.
If you hurry, you can still be the first person to review Dr. Laurie's book on Amazon (actually, you can probably take your time -- Jesus's General hasn't even gotten there yet).  Anyway, on to her column...
Such much to undo--so little time - Time to separate the REAL Americans from the cowards and posers
Our very country and freedom have been at stake since the Obama regime took over, backed by progressive leftists transforming us into a Marxist Dictatorship 5 steps at a time. 
Sounds like the way my sister and I played Monopoly after we lost the rule book.
Was this the "change" some of you signed up for?
Actually, I signed up for up for Volleyball and Skills Certificate in Business Software Applications.   Have you got a drop slip handy...?
For starters, we have seen Obama shred the greatest healthcare system on earth
Well, it's winter -- he had to make a nest out of something...
insert hidden and draconian taxes
 Because the more draconian a tax, the less likely you are to notice it.  Most historians agree that Colonial Americans weren't even aware of the Stamp Act or the Tea Tax until four determined young people and a Great Dane rolled onto Boston Common in a psychedelic wagon dubbed the Deus ex Mystery Machina.  And Parliament would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!
 ...force government-approved health insurance, controls, and fines on nearly all Americans, force salaries on doctors, and impose death panels on our seniors, and he is making us all pay for abortions and the care of illegal aliens.
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Dr. Roth, Representative Michele Bachmann is standing just behind her, making that "ca-RAZY" rotating-finger gesture beside her head.
Those are just some of the cancers inserted all through Obamacare.
Obamacare is like that dry, tasteless "King Cake" you get at Mardi Gras, except instead of a tiny plastic baby doll, you dig around in it until you find a tumor.
We have watched Obama fulfill another threat to destroy one of America's historical backbones of energy: coal.
Now Americans are going out of their way to disappoint Santa Claus, just to fuel their barbecues.
 Now he and his minions announce coal plant closures all over the country in the next 18 months, while hurling draconian regulations at power plants. As planned, thousands more will be out of work, utility rates will go even higher, and we will become more dependent on government and international energy sources.
That sounds awful!  Still, I love it when a plan comes together.
We are now, eleven months before the November 2012 election-of-all-elections, surrounded by mountain-high lists of impeachable offenses all aimed at Obama. From illegal wars in Libya, to hiring members of the Muslim Brotherhood who work closely with him and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, to suing and threatening his own governors for protecting the safety of their citizens.....on we go. I'm dizzy even trying to sort them all out.
That much is obvious, Doctor, although I might quibble with your grasp of cause and effect.
Then there is that teensy-weensy problem that causes most "Republicans," "sound-bite conservatives," "most media," and "the House and the Senate" to run for cover at Olympic speed. This is quite a dazzling feat to watch, since while running they are also hurling endless insults and slander against anyone or any group daring to point out Obama's ineligibility.
I actually have a bit more respect for these people now.  While Obama just hurls draconian regulations, the rest of the team not only hurl endless insults (which sounds exhausting.  Are there relief hurlers they can bring in from the bullpen if you tear a rotator cuff?), but they have to pitch slander while running the 100 meters in 9.58!
Then there was his arrogant, bravado moment showing America and the world his middle finger of a long-form birth certificate — forgery and total fraud. This was proven by several examiners and experts within hours of the big press revelation to be a total forgery. This was far from "tin helmet" and racism, but out and out crime and fraud.
A $25 donation to Dr. Roth's Presidential Campaign will buy a much needed thesaurus.
There was no one patriotic, honest, or brave enough to shine the light of truth on this constitutional and legal emergency, except the brave and gutsy voices in talk radio and online media journals such as the one you are reading now.
I have to admit, I'm a little curious about Dr. Roth's radio program now.  I imagine it consists largely of random gunshots, and the sound of splintering wood as she breaks boards with her feet while screaming "Forgery!" and "Total fraud!"
To bring this never-ending saga to the present
The "seizing of America" plan moves boldly forward. We saw the Senate betray America and vote to permit our military to arrest and detain Americans without charge, indefinitely. Then we saw, per the revelation of a document revealed to the masses by Alex Jones and noted in my last article, the activation of FEMA camps all over the country. Why? I think we are starting to know why, folks.
I'm generally not in favor of Nanny State regulations, but frankly, I think these were exactly the kind of injuries the Tin Helmet Laws were designed to prevent.

UPDATE.  Bill S. writes:
After reading the latest entry in WOC on wingnut Laurie Roth, I decided to see how much truth there was to the claims about her music background. It probably won't come as too much of a surprise that her albums are now out of print. Amazon offers used copies of her debut album -- which was, indeed reviewed in Billboard -- for as low as a penny. The vinyl's slightly pricier, but that's because it's rarer. In any case, the Billboard entry I found online says the album didn't chart.

As for the claim that "one track landed her in BILLBOARD'S Top 40 ranks", that's almost true.

She's never had a hit in the Top 40 of the Billboard Hot 100 -- or in the bottom 60 of it, either.

But she has placed a song on Billboard's Dance Music chart, back in 1993. It lasted for 5 weeks, and peaked at #41.

But this is the best part: it's a remake of the very racy hit by the Mary Jane Girls, "In My House". Unfortunately I can't find it on YouTube (surprising, considering you can find almost anything there), but I wonder why her bio fails to mention that her one and only almost-hit is a sex-laced song made famous by a girl group named for a slang term for marijuana?
And written, apparently, by Rick James.  Here's Dr. Roth's rendition of "In My House" (Close Encounter Dub Mix):

Sadly, it's not a music video and she doesn't really sing much, but you do get to hear her panting quite a bit.


Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

"Obamacare is like that dry, tasteless "King Cake" you get at Mardi Gras, except instead of a tiny plastic baby doll, you dig around in it until you find a tumor."

Obviously, you've never had one from Randazzo's GoodChildren Bakery (nope, no clue as to the etymology of that name, don't wanna know). If they still exist come carnival season and I've hit the powerball, I'll send you one from them. Failing that, Gambino's is a distant second.

"FEMA camps"?!??! Is she referring to the "refugee" camps of formaldehyde-soaked trailers all over the gulf south after Katrina, or the black-box private prisons built BY HALLIBURTON & THE SHAW GROUP under the CHENEY/BUSH ADMINISTRATION??? This idiot refers to the suspension of habeus corpus but fails to remember that it was HER boy-wonder (wonder what the fuck they're gonna DO with that shoulda-been-a-miscarriage?!?!) WHO PULLED THAT SHIT, at the end of Rove/Cheney/Rumsfeld's strings!!!!!!

Cognitive... dissonance... teh stoopid... it... it... it hurts!!!!!! Make it stop, Scott, make it STOPPPP!!!

Stacia said...

a psychedelic wagon dubbed the Deus ex Mystery Machina

Soon, the media will discover Roth is merely an image crafted out of a 1960s-era school slide projector and a mop with a wig on it.

James Briggs Stratton "Doghouse" Riley said...

Counseling and Remedial English seem like an odd double major.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Also, Scott, I feel that you owe Alannah Myles an apology. She was kinda hot.

THIS crispy critter, even in her badly-doctored/lit/shot/filled cover picture: yeahhhh... not so much.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

BTW, Doghouse: Slightly early "HAPPY BIRFDAY 2 EWE!!!" over to my joint, in case yer not on the mailing list...

(With copious thanks, as always, to Realist for the hosting generosity!)

Cole said...

Another opportunist scavenging the the putrefying bits of overlooked marrow from the cracked bones of the common man.

The poor abused corpse of Democracy...savaged beyond death by these jackals and hyenas.

I'm cynical beyond repair, but it takes a particular combination of single-minded determination and evil to so blatantly fuck over a desperate people just to make a buck.

Although many deserve it, I just couldn't bring myself to take advantage of the fear and ignorance these fucks depend on to make their fortunes.

I tried to write Harlequin romances in my youth with the same cynical eye to "making it rich," but even that was too mean-spirited for me. Besides, the research was killing my brain cells faster than the alcohol.

I don't know how anyone could take the chance that the exposure will infect them...look at what happened to that nice Beck boy down the street.

Joseph said...

Whew, after reading that (even in excerpt form), I'm feeling kinda dizzy myself.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Was this the "change" some of you signed up for?

1) I signed up for canoeing and archery, damnit.

2) I think we should replace all these draconian taxes with Harconian taxes.

Jim Donahue said...

"When God called me to run for president last January, I knew I would be a total outsider, viewed by some as fringe and not taken seriously by many since I didn't have money and wasn't a politician."

Or, you know, sane.

Also, God has the BEST sense of humor, doesn't He?

Jim Donahue said...

Oh, this is beautiful:

"Though I am not recommending violence of any kind, since that is no doubt what Obama wants to manipulate into place, it is time to make sure you talk with your sheriff and local police department. Respectfully ask them and any military in your area if they plan to turn on their own and arrest civilians on vague terrorist language and no charges? Will they assist in not only apprehending civilians, but sending them to camps indefinitely? Or will they stand with our Constitution, sheriff's authority, and rights of citizens? Respectfully and clearly let them know you have the lights pointed on them and expect the best from them."

I so hope her readers do this.

Andy said...

Laurie Roth = Urethra Oil

Woodrowfan said...

what mail order "college" sold this clown her supposed Ph.D.??

Stacia said...

You'd be surprised how ignorance and fear can outweigh the education of a Ph.D. I know a family here in town where the father is a Ph.D., mother has two Master's degrees, three kids with a Ph.D., law degree (bar passed) and Master's between them. And they all believe fossils were planted on Earth by Satan to entrap us into thinking evolution is real, and that Obama wants to enslave white people. Three of them are teachers specifically to push their own religious-political agenda to kids.

That the children range in age from 38 to 45 and none have even been on a date let alone gotten married should not be a surprise to you. These fucked-in-the-head wingnuts with their conspiracy theories remind me of this family... but I can never go that extra mile and feel sorry for any of 'em.

heydave said...

Feeling masochistic, I gotta ask: is this angel single?

Bogie said...

Found this in Dissertation Abstracts:

Sex role attitudes among female alcoholics: Changes due to an assertiveness group intervention
by Roth, Laurie J., Ph.D., Oregon State University, 1996 , 156 pages; AAT 9623293

Abstract (Summary)
The first purpose of this study was to determine if the effects of experiencing an assertiveness treatment group influenced the perceived attitudes toward sex roles in alcoholic women in aftercare. It was expected that alcoholic women in aftercare who had received an assertiveness group intervention, with an emphasis on awareness building, practice of assertiveness verbal response, and sex-role exploration, would demonstrate lower masculinity scores on the BEM pre and post test (Bem, 1981) than a control group who had received usual treatment. The second purpose of this study was to determine among demographic variables and alcoholic women in aftercare, if there was a difference on the BEM pre and post test scores, among experimental and control groups. The following demographic variables were assessed: age, religiosity, ethnic background, income level, marital status, employment history, and length of treatment.

There was a total of 59 women who participated in the study, ten of whom dropped out. The study was conducted across five treatment centers in Oregon. The study settings were all alcohol treatment centers which included aftercare components for women. The instrument utilized for the study was the BEM Sex Role Inventory developed by Sandra Bem in 1981. There was one experimental group which received three assertiveness sessions, and one control group which received three standard aftercare treatment sessions, in place of usual treatment. This process was repeated five times among 29 experimental and 27 control subjects. The treatment consisted of three one hour sessions which addressed three aspects of assertiveness.

Data indicated that there was strong evidence that the attitude change reflected in the masculine score showed significantly more assertiveness for the experimental group than the attitude change reflected in the masculine score or the control group. There was no significant evidence of difference for the total, feminine, and demographic scores.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Okay, I gotta ask: what, exactly, are their measurement parameters for the "masculine" and "feminine" scores? On what traits/behaviors were they being scored, and in which direction did the scoring scale, based upon the "masculine" or "feminine" behaviors "observed" and "measured" actually vary?

Bogie said...

My guess would be dick swinging and titty bouncing.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Well, don't strain yerself working-up an answer there, Bogie...


Carl said...

Sounds like either a funeral march or the intro music to a Dethklok concert

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Y'know, I coulda sworn, if I'm not completely senile, that the ORIGINAL version actually had some fucking lyrics involved, yes?

Christopher said...

We saw the Senate betray America and vote to permit our military to arrest and detain Americans without charge, indefinitely.

That's, uh... that's actually kind of refreshing, to see some actually tyrannical things make her list of Obama's tyranny.

So, basically, the only people in the presidential race right now who are against giving the President the power to kill/indefinitely detain anyone for any reason are

1. Ron Paul
2. This chick.


Bill S said...

Yes, Annti, the Mary Jane Girls' version had lyrics, alluding to inviting a man home for a hookup. It was one of the songs the PMRC cited as a reason music should come with parental advisory warnings.
The only version of the remake Scott or I could find was that club mix in which the vocals were removed. I'm curious to hear what the single version with vocals sounded like, though not curious enough to buy the damn CD.
I suspect-though I don't have any proof of this-that Laurie might have pulled it off YouTube herself.

Anntichrist S. Coulter said...

Ya think that she has two brain cells to rub together in order to hire somebody to yank it off of YouTube, honestly? Maybe it's just that nobody gives a fuck, who knows.

And yes, punkin', I know the real song and the Rick James clusterfuck stories around it. I guess that my "sarcasm" function has died a slow and painful death, but forgot to tell me.