Dr. Gina's specialty, as you may recall, is policology ("the nexus of politics and psychology," even though she's neither a political scientist nor a psychologist, and her Ph.D appears to have been bought from that same arcade on the Jersey Shore where they print up those fake newspaper headlines for birthdays), a discipline which she's having considerably less success foisting on the rubes than Harold Hill had in hawking the "Think System." But she has picked up one apostle, Dr. Dathan Paterno, with whom she's written a new book, and this week he gives us a preview of its thesis by scientifically proving that his own daughter is an idiot.
Dathan Paterno, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist and clinical director of Park Ridge Psychological Services.This is even more impressive than it sounds, for not only has Dr. Paterno achieved the prestigious position of clinical director, he's also the owner of Park Ridge Psychological Services, a double honor rarely seen outside of Sy Sperling's dual position at Hair Club for Men.
Dr. Paterno's PhilosophyThanks for the daily affirmation, Doc.
Dr. Paterno affirms that all people are biological, social, and spiritual beings.
He adamantly denies the currently held myth that emotional disorders/problems are the result of genetically transmitted, biochemical imbalances. While he recognizes that biological factors are relevant to psychological/social/emotional problems, he sees "symptoms" as meaningful and purposeful, within the holistic context of the person. This means that almost all problems are essentially normal responses to abnormal situations.Dathan obtained his doctorate at the Illinois School of Professional Psychology, a part of the Argosy University diploma mill chain, which appears to share certain similarities with Fielding Graduate University, where Dr. Gina earned -- or at least acquired -- both her Masters and Ph.D in 2011 (as reader Joseph remarked, "Ha! She got a MA and a PhD in the same year? I wonder how hard she had to work for that"). So it's small wonder that they hit it off.
Dr. Paterno denies that psychotropic medications are necessary, effective, or generally safe. Instead, he utilizes non-medical alternatives, which have been proven -- in an ever-expanding body of research and also in his professional experience -- to be largely more effective, safe, and humane.
Leeches, for instance, do a much more efficient job of keeping your black and yellow humors in balance than Xanax does.
Okay, since he's clearly not going to give us any decent drugs, let's see what kind of advice Dr. Dathan dispenses:
WHY FEMINISTS DON'T LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLYIn this, Dathan emulates Plato, who famously used the gyro to explain his Theory of Forms, first by describing the pure essence of Lunch, then by exploring how that aspatial and atemporal archetype gains expression in the world of matter or substance through the addition of various toppings.
Exclusive: Dathan Paterno uses popular sandwich to explain marriage, Natural Law
This past weekend, I was driving with my family when my adolescent daughter noticed a car with a bumper sticker that read, “Behind every great woman is … herself.”I don't have a daughter, but if I did I don't think I'd assign her to serve as the family's male hustler/White House correspondent -- I'd probably just make her wash the dishes, or pick up the dog poop.
“What does that mean, Dad?” Now, I love my kids, but they’re especially adorable when they toss me softball questions like this.
While I knew that the bumper sticker was meant to be clever, pithy and provocative, I also knew that the assertion revealed one of the essential fallacies of the modern feminist movement. Given that my and Dr. Gina Loudon’s new book addresses this very topic, the coincidence seemed uncanny.Yes. Yes, "uncanny" would be one word for that coincidence. "Improbable," would be another, although "bullshit" would more likely be the mot juste.
I couldn’t resist a teaching moment."Fortunately, she's become the uncannily convenient tool I'm going to use to demolish your self-confidence before you develop free will and a personality and threaten to slip off the short, asphyxiating emotional leash I've got you on."
“It means that woman believes that she is utterly self-sufficient, that all of her success is due to herself – her own skills, drive, talents, character, temperament – and that no one else should share any credit or glory for what she has become.”
“You mean, not even her parents, teachers, or God?”Wait -- is he talking to his adolescent daughter, or that clay hound from Davy and Goliath?
“I wonder if she is married.”No, honey. Even though some states have made progress toward marriage equality for gays and lesbians, strawmen and bumpersticker slogans still can't legally wed.
“I sure hope not.” Almost immediately, I receive an elbow to the ribs from my wife (a former feminist who did her graduate studies in the California University system, before I took her away from all of that).It was a lovely
I added, “Why would she want to be married if she wants to be behind herself for everything?"Dathan's wife, on the other hand, is merely beside herself.
"And what man would want to be married to a woman who didn’t need him for anything?”This bumpersticker is a bitch.
I can see my precious girl mulling it over. “Mom, you need Dad, don’t you?” Oh, from the mouths of babes. During a few moments of silence that ensue, I sense the tension in my wife’s mind, calculating whether to use this moment to zing me or to play the dutiful, genuine godly spouse."It depends how her fugue state is doing. If she's having a lucid moment, there's always the third possibility that she'll throw open the passenger door while the car is still in motion and attempt to tuck and roll down the embankment."
Safe money is on the former, so I jump in: “Mommy needs me like peanut butter needs jelly to make PB&J … which also means that I need her just as much.”To begin with, she's essential to my ventriloquist act.
“So God is the bread?”Wait. Sorry. Back up. This is your adolescent daughter, right? Not your adorable, 4-year old moppet, hugging her Raggedy Ann doll and lisping guileless, wide-eyed questions, but a kid whose age has reached the low double digits?
“Yep. God loves PB&J, so he made it so that men need women and all of their beauty and wonderful strengths and skills, and women need men and all of their awesome strengths and skills. But He also knows that both of them need Him, so He holds them together in Himself. That is what marriage is.”It'll be interesting to see how you explain her period. "Well Baby, you know how when that last bit of Trix cereal sits at the bottom of the bowl for awhile, and it gets all soggy and turns the milk into kind of a purple sludge, and it's all gross and you just pour it down the sink? Well, that's what God's doing with your uterus."
“So if we had a bumper sticker about that, what would it say?”God is sort of like a matrimonial Public Defenders office. If you cannot afford a husband, one will be provided for you at no cost.
“I think it would reflect what we believe – something like, ‘Behind every great woman is the Lord, and behind many great women stand the parents, siblings, teachers, friends and husband He provided for her.’”
But this raises the question, if a great woman's success is due, not to herself, but to her parents, siblings, teachers, friends, and husband, then what's so great about her? Well, maybe nothing, but you've got to admit that her Rolodex is pretty impressive.
A woman needs a man, as Gloria Steinem once opined, like a fish needs a bicycle. Yet women need men because men have what they do notGills? A sissy bar?
– and are not supposed to – possess.Ohhh, I see. So really, if Gloria had been honest, she would have opined that a woman needs a man like a bicycle needs a penis.
Modern, radical feminism whispers this sweet-smelling lie to women: that women can be uniquely and utterly independent and have evolved beyond the weakness of needing others, especially those irrelevant, barbaric men.And even intelligent, successful modern women need Barbarians, because sometimes in the Spring, along with the silverfish under the sink, you'll get Aquilonians in your Hyborea. But try to call during the week, because they get time-and-a-half on Saturdays.
Just as Satan’s whispers in the Garden of Eden promised the seductive notion of radical independence from God and His sovereignty, radical feminism promises radical independence from God and His Natural Law.So if the produce manager at your local market mentions that they just got in a nice shipment of Granny Smiths, you're legally allowed to stab him, because what jury is going to convict you for killing Satan?
Our new book, “Ladies and Gentlemen, Why the Survival of Our Republic Depends on the Return of Honor,” describes the follies and pitfalls of radical feminism and its adoptive parents, modern liberalism and atheism.It's like My Two Dads, but with more sandwich metaphors.
If we are to reclaim the soul of this great republic and redeem it for God’s glory and for the good of our children and grandchildren, we must recognize the sweet-smelling, seductive lies that have wafted through our culture, while learning to challenge them in light of the truth of Scripture and God’s Natural Law.In the Garden of Eden, the sound of seductive lies wafted on the sibilant tones of a talking snake; nowadays they're delivered with the aerosol hiss of a can of Febreze.