If you can put "child rape" and "winning college football games" on the Scales of Justice, and football wins, then you're exactly the kind of person who ought to spend your professional life weighing a witch and a duck.
"It's a fair cop."So consider changing your major now. There are many exciting opportunities for sociopaths in the burgeoning field of Wiccan/Mallard Metrics!
And don't feel bad for Joe Paterno. After 15 years of Looking the Other Way, he's got the neck flexibility of Linda Blair in The Exorcist, and that's got to come in handy when parallel parking.